Brides Helping Brides ™ - Bald is beautiful!

CMS Posted: Oct 07, 2007 10:51 PM

Bald is beautiful!

Or so I keep telling myself.....

As I wind down this Sunday evening, I just thought I'd do a little non-wedding venting because my mother just annoyed the heck out of me (as moms inevitably will do).

Yesterday started the dreaded the hair loss from chemo. Nobody told me that my scalp would feel like it was on fire right before my hair started falling out, but I kind of figured Friday night when my scalp hurt that it was my hair getting ready to fall out. Sure enough I woke up yesterday morning with some strands of hair on the pillow. Ok -- no big deal..I've had three weeks to prepare myself for the hair loss and spent over $600 on wigs, scarves and turbans.

I bought one of those 'sleep caps' to catch the hair and sure enough, there was more hair in it this morning than what was on my pillow and when I took a shower alot came out.

So, mom comes into my bedroom a few minutes ago and asks if I need anything, and I kind of snapped at her and she got offended. Then she asked me what was wrong and I made some sarcastic comment about my hair starting to fall out.

Her response was a flippant, 'Don't be upset about losing your hair. You knew it was going to happen.'

Was I wrong in telling her to get the hell out of my face because if I want to sit and be miserable about being bald, I should be allowed to be miserable?

I mean I know it's temporary and it will grow back after the chemo, but to be honest, I actually really liked my hair...it was really thick with curls and I loved being able to put it up and wear it back and just do different things with it. Two weeks ago I got it all cut off and buzzed and now it's all thin and flat and falling out. Can't I just indulge for one evening in being sad about all of this?

*sigh*

Thanks for listening! I think I'm going to pop in one of my 'I Love Lucy' DVDs and try to fall asleep!

MrsDrinkh20 Posted: Oct 07, 2007 10:55 PM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

You are absolutely ok to feel sad about this. You are absolutely ok to feel angry and to snap when you need to. I am amazed at how you are able to articulate your feelings so well during all of this. It takes a truly strong person to be able to do this. I just got a haircut and can't put it back the way I used ot be able to and THAT frustrates me. I want to thank you for putting things in perspective for me. I know youw eren't trying to do that necessarily but you really did me a favor. Stay strong sweetheart. This will pass and you will be done with chemo and have those long flowing locks that you adored so much. You can do this. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, confused, annoyed, whatever...this is your time to heal.

little34 Posted: Oct 07, 2007 11:10 PM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

I don't think you should feel bad about how you felt.... I think that your mom was probably trying to help but didn't realize that what she said bothered you..... You are dealing with so much and for someone to make your hair loss not a big deal would make anyone mad.
I can't even pretend to know what you are feeling but I would hate to deal with the hair loss. It is a part of you and it is hard to lose it.... when my mom started her chemo she just shaved her head to avoid having to look at the long strands on her pillow.
I guess you have to keep looking forward and you are healing and it will grow back and you are just as beautiful without it as you were with it. I am sure your mom understands that you are angry and upset and you didn't mean to be yell.

CMS Posted: Oct 07, 2007 11:10 PM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

Posted by lmt245

You are absolutely ok to feel sad about this. You are absolutely ok to feel angry and to snap when you need to. I am amazed at how you are able to articulate your feelings so well during all of this. It takes a truly strong person to be able to do this. I just got a haircut and can't put it back the way I used ot be able to and THAT frustrates me. I want to thank you for putting things in perspective for me. I know youw eren't trying to do that necessarily but you really did me a favor. Stay strong sweetheart. This will pass and you will be done with chemo and have those long flowing locks that you adored so much. You can do this. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, confused, annoyed, whatever...this is your time to heal.

Thanks for the support.

I have to say the physical part of dealing with the cancer really isn't that bad. When I'm tired, I sleep. When I hurt, I take pain killers. And FH even said he couldn't believe how well I handled going into the wig shops and trying on wigs and yesterday we went to Sephora so I could buy one of those eyebrow kits since I'll be losing those too.

But the emotional part of it *****!!!

Yup...it's definitely an I Love Lucy night tonight

bluegreen08 Posted: Oct 07, 2007 11:53 PM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

I admire your strength.

Cacarina Posted: Oct 08, 2007 12:08 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

Your feelings are completely normal and to be expected. I completely see where you are coming from. While I did not go through the hair loss from chemo personally, I watched as my mother went through it and she had her bad days too. But she also had her good days. Sometimes she would joke on a rainy day that she doesn't have to go thought a bad hair day when I had frizzy hair.

But also, your mom is only being this way because she cares about you and she is probably having a really hard time with this too.

Stay strong...your hair will be back in no time and all of this will be in the past. And when you are feeling down...come on here and we can try to cheer you up!!

xBrunette Posted: Oct 08, 2007 12:21 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

bald is beautiful! and dont be ashamed... it's ok for you to feel that way.. and hate to tell you it's only going to get worse before it gets better... just take it day by day.. and when you feel down, remember that people around you still love you, and it's ok to want to be by yourself... i watch my mother go to chemo, and it was tough, although she didnt lose much of her hair, my father was right there with her. he was going to shave his head if my mother had lost her hair.. my fmil did start losing her hair, but before she passed away she still looked beautiful.. just keep your head high... and when you want to cry.. it's ok to cry... one day you'll look back at this and you'll see how much courage you had. hair is hair.. and it will grow back, and not always the same way you had it, but it grows back... and in the meantime, have fun with the wigs... good luck to you!!

angl2001 Posted: Oct 08, 2007 01:00 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

hey 08er crashing...It is defrinatly ok to feel this way...just because you have 'prepared' yourself doenst mean your not gonna be upset. You have every right in the world to feel this way! I hope you get well soon!

reading your story here made me think of a song my Rascall flatts...its called 'Skin'. Its about a girl going thu the same thing. if you ever wanna hear it do a search for it on any download program youll find it!

be well!

CNC4eva3402 Posted: Oct 08, 2007 03:53 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

As another girl said . . . I admire your strength.

You are entitled to feel and act anyway you want, its a tough thing to deal with, and you can't prepare yourself for how you'll react. I think you are handling things amazingly well.

mdawg Posted: Oct 08, 2007 07:08 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

you are a very strong person, and its only expected to have that bottled up strength turn itself into a millisecond of anger... you have every right to be angry, and the fact that you are NOT mad at the world, and youre not all 'why me?' about it shows a LOT for your character. You are an inspiration to many, and a little bit of anger never hurt anyone... so the next time you feel you need to lash out at something, take a pen to a piece of paper and write it all down... at least it will exit your body... you are such a strong person... i admire you.

italyngigi Posted: Oct 08, 2007 08:50 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

your feelings are totally valid. and i couldn't blame you if it was me you snapped at. i'm sure your mom is just hurt to see you go through all this. just as you are hurt to be going through all this. i'm sure she didn't mean to upset you. and you know that she is there for you no matter what. and so are all of us.
vent anytime you need.
you have a right to your feelings and emotions. don't hide them just step back and take a deep breath.

MrsDtoBe09 Posted: Oct 08, 2007 09:29 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

Not that you're going to 'blame' cancer for everything but I feel like if you wanted to, you definitely should be able to. I'd be mad and snap too. Your mom probably just wants you to see the bright side, even though you might think she has a funny way of showing it. I can't pretend I know what it feels like to go through chemo but think of it this way - if you have to go through some pain and hair loss to heal yourself and be able to go to through a long and happy life, it's going to be worth it. Take it one day at a time. Hair comes back. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You'll be in my prayers.

italyngigi Posted: Oct 08, 2007 10:54 AM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

your already beautiful it doesn't matter how much hair is on your head

CMS Posted: Oct 08, 2007 05:31 PM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

Thank you so much ladies!!! You really helped lift me up when I needed it!!!!

I'm feeling a little better today.

Of course the fact that I went and spent a whole lot of money at Borders today could have a little something to do with it....

Books are my WEAKNESS!!!!!!

MrsDrinkh20 Posted: Oct 08, 2007 05:35 PM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

Good for you! You definitely deserve it!

IrishBrideASmiling Posted: Oct 08, 2007 07:24 PM

Re: Bald is beautiful!

Bald IS Beautiful! Most people do not know what to say when people are battling cancer because most of the time that person that is trying to comfort you needs comforting themselves. My cousin daughter had cancer and the dumb things that would come out of people's mouths was insane! Dont listen to what anyone else tells you you should do since they are not in the same situation as you are. Do whatever makes you happy!!! From the posts that you've written on here I can tell you are an amazingly strong person! You always have your LIWedding family here for you if you need us. Many of us are up all night posting anyway!