Between a Rock and a Hard Place

A lot of you read my post about FH getting hit in the head with a softball during a playoff game this past Tuesday. Problem (besides the huge welt) is that he wants to play again this coming Tuesday - five days before our wedding.

I have said since the very first day he joined this team I didn't want him to play the week of the wedding. I have never once indicated I would be okay with it. To the contrary I have been very vocal against it. If memory serves me correctly (and I'm not sure that it does, this could just be wishful thinking), he said there were no games in October, the league ended in September. Then again, maybe he did say it, and this is merely semantics - the league is over, and now it is playoffs.

I should mention this was not his first injury of the season. He has been to the ER for x-rays several times.

I know myself well enough to know that if he gets hurt on Tuesday and the injury is in any way shape or form visible to a camera I will NOT get over it, and will be miserable thinking that my wedding pictures will forever be ruined.

I know him well enough to know that if he doesn't play and his team gets eliminated from the playoffs, he will harbor resentment that I forced him to stay home. Actually, even if they win, he'll harbor resentment over not playing.

His argument regarding playing is that he could fall down the stairs and get hurt, or get in a car accident or whatever. My response to this that playing softball is deliberately putting himself in harm's way, unlike everyday activities such as driving or going up and down stairs.

My question - how much fighting over this would do??

JMHO~ DONT KILL ME

I would let it go. He brings up a valid point about the stairs and accidents God Forbid. I also see your point of view. But with all of the other stresses surrounding your day, this can surely be a minor thing in te grand scheme of things.

PS~ And if fate has a sense of humor for you and he should happen to get injured you can always add a well deserved ' I told you so'

I completely understand why you are upset and would not be very happy either. I would wonder why he can't understand why I'm upset and so dead set against him playing. While I can appreciate him being so passionate about the team, I think this is one argument he should give up on because this is your wedding and the beginning of your life together. I'm probably going to get in trouble for saying this but...it's just a game!!! He can play all he wants AFTER the wedding and, if they do get eliminated, who's to say him being there would make the end result any different? The one positive I can see is if God forbid he does get hurt, they can edit it out of pictures.

Hi Date Twin,

I'm sorry your FH is up setting you.

Have you tried the in 10 days is this game going to matter or our wedding day and pics?

That's been my new tactic in getting through to my FH

Sorry I don't have a solution for you...but like the other bride said any inperfections can be airbrushed out

---

Posted by moonlitee

Hi Date Twin,

I'm sorry your FH is up setting you.

Have you tried the in 10 days is this game going to matter or our wedding day and pics?

That's been my new tactic in getting through to my FH

Sorry I don't have a solution for you...but like the other bride said any inperfections can be airbrushed out

---

Nope, haven't tried that one yet. I'll try it when I get home. But he just said on the phone that this a championship game and there is NO WAY IN HELL he is missing it. I told him he's not respecting my feelings, and he said I'm trying to control him.

---

Posted by October Bliss

---

Posted by moonlitee

Hi Date Twin,

I'm sorry your FH is up setting you.

Have you tried the in 10 days is this game going to matter or our wedding day and pics?

That's been my new tactic in getting through to my FH

Sorry I don't have a solution for you...but like the other bride said any inperfections can be airbrushed out

---

Nope, haven't tried that one yet. I'll try it when I get home. But he just said on the phone that this a championship game and there is NO WAY IN HELL he is missing it. I told him he's not respecting my feelings, and he said I'm trying to control him.

---

you have FM

Perfect wedding pictrues are important to you (they are to me too!), but this leauge is important to him.
if he plays, you might have to give up what is important to you. If he doesn't play, he definitly has to give up what is important to him. That seems an unfair balance to me... But that is just me.

IMO, i'd let him play... he doesn't get hurt every game, and although the chance exists, it is small.

Consider it practice for a happy marriage... you have to comprimise :)

the honest rational advice that i am giving to you:
I think you should let it go - let him play and HOPEFULLY he will not get hurt in any way. . . you don't want him to feel controlled - and you don't want to fight right before the wedding, i am sure everything will be fine.

Even though I know this is the logical rational thing to do, here is what I would do in your situation: I would cry, bribe, beg and blackmail - i would cry for days on end until he didnt go just so i would shut the heck up . . .

sorry - i couldnt give you the advice without telling you that while i would LOVE to say 'this is what i would do' its just not true - i am a little psychotic!

if he does get hurt in a way that shows up in the pics, you can always pose for a pic with you wearing boxing gloves

i'm ready to go crazy with my own wedding, so i might not be the most logical person right now

---

Posted by jdo593

Consider it practice for a happy marriage... you have to comprimise :)

---

I'm all for compromise. So much so that I have agreed not to wear my e-ring and wedding ring on our HM b/c he is afraid they will get stolen. I paid an outrageous amount of money to get our wedding cake from a bakery outside the hall b/c the bakery our hall uses is terrible. I am having a full vienesse hour b/c he wants it (I don't). I am having an ice sculpture at CH b/c he wants it (I don't - I think it is very cruise ship - JMHO). I went with the ivory invitations he selected even though I wanted white invitations. I went with the videographer he wanted even though it was $2K more than the one I wanted to book.

I asked for two things from him - one, don't have the bachelor party the week before the wedding, have it two weeks before the wedding. The b-party is Saturday - one week before the wedding as I specifically requested it NOT be, and don't play ball the week of the wedding, and now he not only wants to play Tuesday, but also Wednesday b/c he joined some 'snowflake' league without even telling me (or asking me, or mentioning it) until it was a done deal.

Whose turn is it to compromise??????????

I'm now 100% on your side (not that I was EVER on his side ). No baseball for Jay!

Knowing Jay he will go and play no matter what you say to him. However I agree that you can try the dirty tactic of crying & begging. B!tching at him is definitely not going to be the answer here because that will just put him on the defensive. You know the old saying, you collect more flies with honey.....

If it was me, I would let him play, but on the other hand I would also be fighting dirty.

I would put it to him like this:

'You knew how upset and pissed I would be when you got hurt on Tuesday. Just how upset do you think I would be if it happened again before the wedding? You know all of the stress I am going through, so please don't do this to me and make me stress any further because I really can't handle this anymore. '

I know if I was in this situation with my FH now DH.
I would be pissed!!!!!!!!!
Especially, since you are doing all the compromising and he is not. You only asked him for 2 things and he didn't do either one.
That's not right!!!!
But, it sounds to me he's going to go play because he feels that it is very important to him.
So, I would try not to stress yourself out. This is un-needed stress that you do not need.
Try to enjoy the remaining days before the wedding.
I know easily said then done, I've been there.
Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Just wanted to add:
Even if he goes and plays. I wouldn't let him live it down for awhile. Just so he remembers how he didn't compromise.

It does sound like you've given in & comprimised a lot... and that is good! It stinks that the 2 things you asked for didn't get done, and i wasn't aware of that before. But with that being said, compromise never comes to an end... it will pop up in every situation, every day... and one side might compirimise more than the other... but in the end it isn't about who's turn it is to comprimise, it's about making eachother happy in every situation :)

I hope everything works out in the end for both of you & you come to a desicion together. I hope he understands/realises how much this means to you :) :)

And (not that you said you would), but don't go the crying route to get your way... its dishonest, and IMO childish... not the right way to get what you want... but thats just my $0.02

As for the snowflake leauge that he joined with out telling you, that stinks... i'm sorry :( Maybe since it just started it won't be a big deal to miss those games...?

Honestly, good luck with the whole situation. If he does play, i hope everything works out & you have a beautiful day. And if he doesn't play, i hope he understands how much this means to you & how in the long run, the pictures will last longer than the thrill of victory.

Wow, this is a tough one. You have a point about him possibly resenting it if he doesn't play the week before the wedding.
And so that is the ONLY reason I say this:

If you let him play, what is the likelihood that he would get seriously injured? If it is just some bumps and bruises, then makeup can take are of that (and if he gets his way, plays, and gets hurt, you better believe he should wear makeup for you!). I agree, he's not compromising. But if he is the type to hold a grudge, then maybe you should let him play.

Really, I am on your side. I don't think he should play. But it might be easier for YOU if you let him play. Do you know what I mean?

Darlene, I am with you on this. As I said in another post, DH had a concussion as well as a bad leg injury before our weddingwhile playing football. The concussion rendered him unable to remmeber when he was getting married. Too much crap in my family had gone on with people falling ill and getting hurt. DH did the right thing

Have Jay call Ed for a good talking to.

---

Posted by Goldi1021

Darlene, I am with you on this. As I said in another post, DH had a concussion as well as a bad leg injury before our weddingwhile playing football. The concussion rendered him unable to remmeber when he was getting married. Too much crap in my family had gone on with people falling ill and getting hurt. DH did the right thing

Have Jay call Ed for a good talking to.

---

I had a union meeting tonight after work. I came home to a note (since he had to go play pool). After reading it, I can say with 100% certainty he's not going to budge on this one. He thinks it is his right to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants and that loving him means I don't ask him not to participate in activities that he enjoys for any reason whatsoever.