Big dilemma with MOH

amypf07 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 06:28 PM

Big dilemma with MOH

I chose my MOH because I have known her since birth and we are supposed to be 'best friends'. I even met my FH through her. However, she has always been a difficult person to be friends with and we even went through a period of time when we weren't friends. She is filled with jealousy, anger and insecurities.

When I went shopping with her and my bridesmaids yesterday, including my cousin who is in her 40's becasue her daughter is in the bridal party, my MOH basically had a tantrum all day. She refused to try on dresses that she didn't like and would not listen to any else's opinions. I have one BM who is very overweight and we were all trying to be considerate of her and pick dresses that would flatter everyone. If it was a strapless dress, she said NO way even though we said she can add straps, She even said 'I refuse to wear that...I won't comprimise and I won't back down'. We awere all being diplomatic and voting on dresses, I wasn't even telling people what they had to wear. She has also not done anything for me since I got engaged in July and constantly brings up money. In fact she complained about the cost of the dress and it was the cheapest one we fouund!

Sorry this is long, but the rest of the bridal party hates her, she is not a true friend and I picked her for the wrong reasons. I don't think she really wants to do this and that is why she causes scenes. After a lot of thought, I've decided to call her and tell her that I want to releive her burden of being in the wedding party becasue there was so much tension and because money is a big issue for her and being a MOH is a major finaincial responsibility....

I can't have this stress in my life right..she is emotionally draining and I can't be constantly be upset all the time. This is the hardest thing I've ever done so I need your support!

Thanks

TheFutureMrsFazio Posted: Jan 28, 2007 06:32 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

I'm sorry that it turned out that way for you. You're doing the right thing though I think. This is one of the hapiest times in your life, you shouldn't have to worry about something like this. You should be happy and stress free and enjoy it. You want someone who will have fun planning and doing all the things that comes along with being a MOH. I foresaw this happening with my friend who I was going to pick as my MOH, its one of the reasons FH and I decided to cancel our big wedding and do something simple. Good luck and hang in there!

SN2BMRSBURTE Posted: Jan 28, 2007 06:43 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

I think there is one of those pain in the butt people in every wedding party I think you are right to talk to her about it though, especially if she is upsetting you and the other BM's. It's not worth it, and it does sound like she isn't really into it. You'll feel much better without the stress of dealing with her. Good Luck, I hope it all works out!

sunflower13 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 07:06 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

Sorry you are going through this. I cant even imagine how hard this phone call will be for you. I give you . Let us know how it goes.

maybride75 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 07:11 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

sorry to hear bout that yeah maybe you should have a long talk with her but handle with care. good luck wiuth that. just ask her why she is so negative and that it is upsetting you. or maybe it would make her feel better if just you and her went to look at dresses

Marchbride07 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 07:47 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

You amde the right decision! I too have a BP that doesn't respond to my emails or acts like they don't care to be in the wedding...but nothing as bad as that! She definitely does not sound like a true friend!

Good luck to you!!!!!!!!!

Blondie77 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 08:43 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

Totally sounds like you are doing the right thing. Being in a wedding is expensive but it is a huge honor as well....and she should be grateful ..... not complaining.

Good Luck with the phone call!

TLC1018 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 08:52 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

My MOH was difficult, she wouldnt let the other girls in the BP help her with anything, basically made all the decisions for the shower w/o consulting anyone and then copped a huge attitude when anyone would suggest something different. Needless to say she is out of wedding, even though she was my closest friend when I got engaged...I now have another MOH and I am veyr happy and I know the girls feel more comfortable!

MichLiz213 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 09:13 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

Posted by Blondie77

Totally sounds like you are doing the right thing. Being in a wedding is expensive but it is a huge honor as well....and she should be grateful ..... not complaining.

Good Luck with the phone call!

I agree. Sorry you have to go through this! I know you have someone special that will be HONORED to be your MOH! Good luck and keep us posted!

snydl40 Posted: Jan 28, 2007 09:38 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

I would either call her, and tell her that it is not her wedding and that she is going to have to be more flexible. Or tell her she doesn't have to be in the wedding if she can't get along with everyone and be fair to everyone else.

madseason Posted: Jan 28, 2007 10:17 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

I agree... I am so sorry to hear that! You are right. You do not need to be putting up with that...last time I checked she was supposed to be your biggest ally, your right hand, the one who makes it all about you, and thats just not the case here. WE ALL BACK YOU 100%! Let us know how it goes!

Elise&Matt Posted: Jan 28, 2007 10:32 PM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

all I can say is...WOW! I'm so sorry you are getting all this drama when it's your big day

Pencils Posted: Jan 29, 2007 06:08 AM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

Maybe you could just demote her to bridesmaid? Because from what I've heard, 'firing' someone from your bridal party pretty much ends the friendship. I know you say she's emotionally draining, but not that long ago you asked her to be your MOH! Are you willing to end a friendship you've had for so long? Why don't you ask her--in a way that doesn't sound like you're giving her much of a choice. Such as, if she'd rather just be a regular bridesmaid so she won't have to deal with the COSTS of being the MOH (since you said she's cheap). She might jump at the chance, and then you'll still have her for a friend. A wedding is a big part of your life, but it's a short one, and you've got the rest of your life. You might miss your old friend very soon. No one else shares those memories, right?

Good luck!

cantwait84 Posted: Jan 29, 2007 07:20 AM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

i had a somewhat similar problem with a bm who kepy having excuses for not ordering her dress. finally i gave her a date that the order would be placed for the dresses and told her she can either order it before the order would be placed or the order would be placed without her.

maybe you can just tell her what you picked and let her know that all the girls agreed on that. if she continues having problems you can just let her know that its hard to please everyone and you undsertand if she is unhappy. and she can either wear the dress or not wear it (but of course say it nicer! lol)

amylove81 Posted: Jan 29, 2007 08:51 AM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

It is your special day and you are going to be stressed enough as that day draws near. You have made possibly the best decision of all the decisions for your wedding.

AMGBride2008 Posted: Jan 29, 2007 08:59 AM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

good luck! keep us updated on how she takes the news..

Becks526 Posted: Jan 29, 2007 09:25 AM

Re: Big dilemma with MOH

Sorry about this. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without having a MOH who's not cooperating. Do you think she realizes how much of a pain she's being? Good luck with this!