This is our wedding a very special day is my point of view.
FH and I are paying for our ourselves, my dad was laid-off earlier this year so my parents can't help at all.
Our kitty cat has been sick and our vet bills have been thousands the last 2 months and the wedding costs keep adding up.
Tonight I was SOO excited about flower quotes and FH was like 'what $ 1000 for flowers', I thought the wedding/reception was 'all- inclusive'. Hello- that is food, drinks etc. not decorations and the bo-k's...
AHHHH
Then he goes you want flowers, okay get the flowers, but you could tell he was VERY unhappy. I said well what would make you happy, and then he said well you are obviously NOT concerned with what would make ME happy. AHH, this is our wedding suppose to be one of the happiest days of our lives.
Now how can I be happywith flowers? And I'll be mad without them.
MarciaD
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
oh, and we have the money.....
Jen2704
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Sorry to hear that you are going crazy with the flowers...is there a package that may be cheaper and you both can compromise on?
eternityawaits
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Make two lists for FH: one of what IS included, and one of what is not - it helps to avoid confusion (and arguments) in the future.
Obviously you have both been under a lot of stress too, with your dad and the kitty. Give it a few days, and then sit down with him and explain what you still need to take care of that isn't included, and maybe compromise a little and leave out a few extras that you don't really need.
Even though you have the $$$, do you think maybe he's a little worried after your dad being laid off?? When FFIL got sick earlier this year, FH suddenly became very afraid of dying - out of nowhere. Just a possibility, so it may be a sensitive subject.
MarciaD
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Good idea of the lists!
I'm willing to compromise in any way, but it seems like he just wants to eliminate stress by just eliminating things from thw edding. I prefer to try to find the best deal....
I would even consider having BM's carry single roses, but don't know how to preprare them, ie take of thorns We are having our wedding early in the day noon, so I'm worried about having time to prepare things myself and be a beautiful bride. I want to be having my hair and nmake-up done the morning of, not making my own bo-ks...
I was just really not expecting this to be an issue at all. I gave him the first estimate 2 weeks ago and no feedback until today with the 2nd estimate that I was ready to book... We have lived together for 2 years (bought a house together 2 years ago) so you'd think we could communicate better on this..
julybride444
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Hey Marcia,
I'll tell you, this wedding planning business and paying for it yourselves certainly makes you see where you're communication gaps are doesn't it! I almost put a post up about this, maybe I will. FH and I have lived together for 2 years, but have planned our wedding and honeymoon over the last 8 months (wedding is in 2 and a half weeks) and we fought more then ever!
We got through it though, with a lot of talking and trying, and we learned a lot about each other that will be helpful in the future. I even considered counseling (a month b/f the wedding!) because we couldn't seem to get through 2 days without a tiff. Then, we realized we were both blaming each other for our lack of time, messy house, etc. b/c we've been so busy, and we've been much better since.
But, we're still extra happy to be marrying each other-We had to do some compromising on things of course. One thing that might help is to get feedback about what he pictured for your wedding day, once he thinks about it he'll realize you can skimp on some things but others (music, flowers, photos) are kind of necessary even if on a smaller scale.
My florist is very inexpensive, especially if you do all roses, and she may be able to help you. FM me if you'd like her info, or if you ever need to just 'vent'.
Good luck, and make sure to take some time to go to the beach or do something fun together once a week, it'll do wonders.
jenny2penny
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Don't worry, it'll get easier. Did you shop around and show him this is the best price,,,that should cheer him up.
butterfly20
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
I would say maybe check out a couple other florists.. and show him that this is the best deal(and he'll be happy to see what he is saving) ... i have the complete opposite.. any vendor i need to take my fiance to, he is ready to book the first one, im the one that makes us check a few out first..
AMinNY
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
I think it's VERY common to have arguments over a budget. MY FH and I have been fighting incessantly since we started planning. Every decision seems to take on a new kind of importance. Undoubtedly, Women, would be more willing to spend on the day they've been dreaming about all their lives. The Men? - they are less concerned about the 'event' and more about what comes later.
Have you tried Burton's in Melville? They can work with you, they are definitely the cheapest on LI even though it feels like a factory.
Good Luck!
palebride
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Why not discuss what the two of you envision for your wedding - options maybe other than flowers for centerpieces to cut down on costs....and then go together to check different places and people out so that he can see firsthand what he's getting and what he would like? I think there's some confusion here....but I don't think it's a huge problem - sounds normal to me.
futuremrsl
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
I have the opposite situation...I'm freaking out about the cost of everything and FH is so calm about everything! I think he's just way into the planning and very excited. He helps bring everything into perspective for me and shows me the spreadsheet for our budget which helps me see thnings a bit better. Perhaps you could do the same.
michele31
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
I am sure the stress is just getting to him. Of course you have to have flowers. And honestly you are NOT going crazy on them. Sit down with him and talk about the money calmly. I am sure with the Vet bills he is getting very worried. This is a NORMAL part of planning a wedding, trust me.
HearzBellz
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
FH & I go through this too, he was like, why is your veil $250.... but then he's like...Let's get the $1500 limos.
They do not have the same sense of reality. Eventually, it will all become clear that EVERYTHING that goes for the wedding is expensive.
Outside factors also tend to put a greater strain on an already hard situation.
BTW... that price is great for flowers
Sunny
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Fh and I have this fight all the time. I feel your pain.
DaniRN
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
to you. I know exactly what you are going through, Why do you think I am so excited just to have my wedding day come so I can back to normal life without the stress of money issues.
MarciaD
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Ahhh, I have given in... He just can not accept $1000 for flowers. He did tell me to get them, but he was very unhappy and I do not want any friction about the wedding coming in between us. I have decided to:
Start practicing wrapping bunches of roses to make my own mock bouquets. I did tell him this would require me buying roses frequently this summer to practice, he was okay with this My sister made her own bouquet so I 'will' enlist her help!
Bridemaids: I'll find a neat way to wrap single roses for them
Centerpieces: but low bowl/dishes order floating gardenia's through website and have them shipped for wedding day.
Additional table decorations: dried lavendar and rose petals.
I find this acceptable, but not what I planned.
I'm not going to feel bad about the cost of hair and make-up now!!! I might not even tell him
NovemberSue
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Did you try Burtons for flowers? They are very reasonably priced and did a beautiful job for our wedding?
NovemberSue
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
You could also check with your hall and see if they have any specials if you have them provide your table centerpieces.
Imagin916
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
Marcia, I am sorry that you are going through this. I went through something similar with FH because he lives in PA and they have weddings there for under $10k, so he didnt understand what things cost. You and I (and the rest of LI Weddings girls) know that $1000 is not a lot of money for flowers, but men do not realize these things. Talk it over with him and show him what things cost, get a few prices from florists and show him that you are shopping around. Good luck. P.S Wait till he sees everything the day of your wedding. He will understand why everything costs money to look so beautiful.
MarciaD
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Re: Big fight with FH over budget .... (long)
I have 2 more places to check for prices. I added Burtons and Julybride444's florst to my list. I'll check with them.
I had 2 quotes for 900-1000 range for all the personal flowers and 12 small centerpieces. I know these are great prices and I can not imagine finding better deals. I'll call the other florists in hopes... We are reaching that $ 25,000 marker on the weddings and e-ring now so he is unhappy!!!
