bil issues...i am terribly upset

My BIL and i had an issue last year and I called him to find out that did I say or do to offend him? He said you should watch what you say! Never telling me what I had said that offended him. Mind you he was the BM for my wedding in my wedding that sept.

Well, since this happend I have not been comfortable around him and every once in a while I catch him making little snyd remarks. Its to the point where I am very self concious about everything, my hair, my clothes, my apartment I dont what him around me. I have not said anything at this point.

Well, yesterday he came to visit and we were sitting in my MIL kitchen and I said something about I wish DH would not have taken you into our apartment I was ripping part of it apart lastnight. He turns around and replies and I quote: Your apartment has been like that longer then just last night!

I politely said I think I am going downstairs (my apartment)

His wife comes down to the apartment and speaks to me about what happend. Well she said this comment may be in return for a comment or two that I said at there home. She also mentioned on how I provocked the comment by saying I was ripping apart the apartment lastnight. Well, ye know if someone does not tell you something is bothering you then your relationship is not open right? So i preceeding to ask what did I say she wouldn't tell me.

I don't speak mind reading. Needless to say I brought up a comment made to me at a yankee game. I had brought a salad from Wendy's and said to my BIL, I am trying to eat healthier so I brought a salad, he replied, How healthier is that with cheese and bacon on it, in a very condesending voice.

Now don't get me wrong girls he has helped me out with my job in the past year and he is very nice, but even when he showd up he did not give a hug and a kiss, he seemed very uncomfortable and bi-passed the whole thing.

I am so upset to the point where I don't what to see him today. I am miserable and just waiting for the next comment to come blurting out of him mouth.

Sorry to hear what your BIL is putting your thru....what does FH say/do? Does he know that it is hurting you?? Maybe he can have the talk with him about his words and actions...its Family...and if god forbid something happened to either one of you, you guys would be hurt....sad..upset....

Why would his wife come down and start that with you and not clarify what she means?? Thats not fair either! Is it possible to approach BIl and talk to him 1 on 1 to get down to the bottom of this situation?

Whatever you decide to do, Good Luck

I don't think he is being fair at all...first of all, if he didn't like the comment (what ever it was) that you made, he should NOT be making these types of comments to you...second of all he is being immature (he and his wife are) by not telling you (or at least your DH) what was said so that it can be cleared up...many times these things are misunderstandings...( I had a friend that was mad at something I said and did not tell me what it was...I later found out it was a comment I made regarding getting her life in order, b/c I was concerned)


I think the best solution right now is have DH talk to his brother...you are his wife and you do not diserve to be treated this way...

hugs to you for being so mature in the situation

well, i have not told dh about this. I don't think I want to yet. You see he had a nother brother who died about 3.5 years ago and this brother is all he has left and it would kill me if I came between them.

I agree about being immature. When I made that comment it was at his house 3-4 weeks ago and nothing was said. To visit and have a come back now seems rediculous to me since the even was so many weeks ago.

I expect if I say something that you don't like or bothers you for you to say soemthing. I can't read your mind and be able to tell what you are sensitive about. If you don't say anything how am I to know?

maybe you could call your BIL, and tell him you want to have a talk with him, that you feel very uncomfortable and just want to resolve it on good terms without having to bring your husband into it

I really don't know what to say. It's so hard dealing with people like this, because they will never admit that they are wrong....it's always everybody else whose at fault.

Just wanted to offer some

Karen

you see, they take a regular comment like 'your hair looks good today' and turn it into 'what, my hair did not look good yesterday?'

that is making people always tip toe around them. no matter what i say its a rude remark.

although MIL and I were discussing it (she was there when it happend) after all this happend last night, he made huge effort to make nice compliments to me. like this morning at nreakfast, he passed me the butter and I had not even asked for it yet

I think he realized what he said did not turn out the way he wanted. He wanted to make a point (even though its weeks later) that I hurt there feelings. He could have found another way, thats all i am saying.

They left around 12 today and I have no idea when I am seeing them next. I really want nothing o do with them, but this is crushing my MIL.

OK...maybe (hopefully) he got it out of his system...

I know exactly what you are talking about, b/c my sister and BIL are very similar...

they do say that time heals all wounds...I hope that is the case for you