bit of a rant!

So I found out this weekend that FMIL has been complaining to her friends that I am only giving her 43 guest...(I know its a weird number but that is what the division of the money came out to between my parents, his parents and then our friends.) So I think it is ridiculous for her to be complaining behind my back. FH and I decided to take the $ My parents gave us and split evenly and then if anyone wants to invite people above that 43 then they have to pay the difference. I mean geez my parents are inviting another 40 people and they are paying for that too and havent complained once about it. Is it me of is that totally out of line


PS-Let me also say I found out about this in passing...i wasnt snooping. It was one of the GM b-day and we went out for dessert for it with his parents. The mom who was near death atleast 4 times last year said it in passing. I totally think since she has been sick her filter doesnt work and she just says what she wants to now, without really thinking. So she said she heard it from another friend so FMIL has been spreading this around to numerous people!!!

yikes!!! sorry to hear that ....hope it works out

maybe fh should talk to her about it???

Yuck that is horrible to have to find out...Just dont feel like your alone with the FMIL drama, we all have it and hate every minute of it!!
And just keep telling yourself that you will show her up on your wedding day (thats what i keep telling myself lol!!!) and that will be the end of her complaining!!!

i understand where youre coming from, you have a budget, this is what it allows, if anything more needs to be done than you have to pay extra for it, but at the same time i think you should have spoken to her (i think you said you did) and agreed on a number rather than doing the exact math and coming out with 43 set in stone

eta: i feel like shes complaining at the weirdness of the number if that makes any sense.....

but agree that if she has an issue she should speak with you about it

I completely agree with you

FH and I are paying for this weddin ourselves. we need to guarantee 150

as of now the parents can invite who they need to invite in reason (which most have been accounted for on our list). If we go over our minimum by a lot and cannot afford it I made it clear that the parents would have to pay for 'there guests'

they need to remember that this day is for us and not for them

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Posted by Bride825

yikes!!! sorry to hear that ....hope it works out

maybe fh should talk to her about it???

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he is supposed to because another issue that i totally forgot to mention is that she left people off her list that should be invited (his 'aunt' and 'uncles' kids...who are 30 and 27) and I have a feeling she did this cuz she expects them to be on our list. Cuz she already made comments to me about how she isnt inviting the 'kids'. I said they arent my friends or FH's so why are they on our list. So I hope fh will take care of it...but he doesnt often stand up for himself against her because of how loud she tends to get and FH is a VERY quite guy

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Posted by FutureMrs.M

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Posted by Bride825

yikes!!! sorry to hear that ....hope it works out

maybe fh should talk to her about it???

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he is supposed to because another issue that i totally forgot to mention is that she left people off her list that should be invited (his 'aunt' and 'uncles' kids...who are 30 and 27) and I have a feeling she did this cuz she expects them to be on our list. Cuz she already made comments to me about how she isnt inviting the 'kids'. I said they arent my friends or FH's so why are they on our list. So I hope fh will take care of it...but he doesnt often stand up for himself against her because of how loud she tends to get and FH is a VERY quite guy

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well in this case he needs to grow some and speak up because at this point it is really not your place to say something it is his responsiblity.

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Posted by RitasEngaged

I completely agree with you

FH and I are paying for this weddin ourselves. we need to guarantee 150

as of now the parents can invite who they need to invite in reason (which most have been accounted for on our list). If we go over our minimum by a lot and cannot afford it I made it clear that the parents would have to pay for 'there guests'

they need to remember that this day is for us and not for them

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This is very good advice, I totally agree. Especially if you say that you don't really need to have these people there. If you can go without them there, then I think it is not unreasonable to ask FMIL to chip in if you have already met your minimum. My FMIL wants her college friends that I have never met there, I told her she has to pay bc I will have already met my minimum.

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Posted by Jna2010

i understand where youre coming from, you have a budget, this is what it allows, if anything more needs to be done than you have to pay extra for it, but at the same time i think you should have spoken to her (i think you said you did) and agreed on a number rather than doing the exact math and coming out with 43 set in stone

eta: i feel like shes complaining at the weirdness of the number if that makes any sense.....

but agree that if she has an issue she should speak with you about it

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oh it has nothing to do with the weirdness of the number is has to do with her being her usual self. and they have no family so all she is inviting is friends. some people I have never heard of and I have been around for over 6 years now. I dont have a job and FH and I are paying for all the vendors. I find it disgusting that my parents who have given me money have no problem paying extra and she is giving me grief cuz she feels entitiled to more when all she has given me is a headache. We did talk to her and explain this is all we could afford and that anything else would have to come from her...I just feel she is being soooo ungrateful!

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Posted by FutureMrs.M

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Posted by Jna2010

i understand where youre coming from, you have a budget, this is what it allows, if anything more needs to be done than you have to pay extra for it, but at the same time i think you should have spoken to her (i think you said you did) and agreed on a number rather than doing the exact math and coming out with 43 set in stone

eta: i feel like shes complaining at the weirdness of the number if that makes any sense.....

but agree that if she has an issue she should speak with you about it

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oh it has nothing to do with the weirdness of the number is has to do with her being her usual self. and they have no family so all she is inviting is friends. some people I have never heard of and I have been around for over 6 years now. I dont have a job and FH and I are paying for all the vendors. I find it disgusting that my parents who have given me money have no problem paying extra and she is giving me grief cuz she feels entitiled to more when all she has given me is a headache. We did talk to her and explain this is all we could afford and that anything else would have to come from her...I just feel she is being soooo ungrateful!

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you really need to be firm ( and i mean FH and if not him than you might need to step in) and tell her your way or no way. Either she complies to your guest rules or she invites no one

that is it end of discussion

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Posted by Kiki1103

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Posted by RitasEngaged

I completely agree with you

FH and I are paying for this weddin ourselves. we need to guarantee 150

as of now the parents can invite who they need to invite in reason (which most have been accounted for on our list). If we go over our minimum by a lot and cannot afford it I made it clear that the parents would have to pay for 'there guests'

they need to remember that this day is for us and not for them

---

This is very good advice, I totally agree. Especially if you say that you don't really need to have these people there. If you can go without them there, then I think it is not unreasonable to ask FMIL to chip in if you have already met your minimum. My FMIL wants her college friends that I have never met there, I told her she has to pay bc I will have already met my minimum.

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see im not doing that because once my parents pay for their extra guests I will be over the min. So I dont really need her guests

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Posted by RitasEngaged

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Posted by FutureMrs.M

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Posted by Jna2010

i understand where youre coming from, you have a budget, this is what it allows, if anything more needs to be done than you have to pay extra for it, but at the same time i think you should have spoken to her (i think you said you did) and agreed on a number rather than doing the exact math and coming out with 43 set in stone

eta: i feel like shes complaining at the weirdness of the number if that makes any sense.....

but agree that if she has an issue she should speak with you about it

---

oh it has nothing to do with the weirdness of the number is has to do with her being her usual self. and they have no family so all she is inviting is friends. some people I have never heard of and I have been around for over 6 years now. I dont have a job and FH and I are paying for all the vendors. I find it disgusting that my parents who have given me money have no problem paying extra and she is giving me grief cuz she feels entitiled to more when all she has given me is a headache. We did talk to her and explain this is all we could afford and that anything else would have to come from her...I just feel she is being soooo ungrateful!

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you really need to be firm ( and i mean FH and if not him than you might need to step in) and tell her your way or no way. Either she complies to your guest rules or she invites no one

that is it end of discussion

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yeah but how to do that without blowing up her friends spot lol. Cuz to my face she is all well it was tough but I cut the list down and then behind my back its blah blah blah. I think its that fact that is agrivating me the most! and the putting her guests on my list lol

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Posted by FutureMrs.M

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Posted by RitasEngaged

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Posted by FutureMrs.M

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Posted by Jna2010

i understand where youre coming from, you have a budget, this is what it allows, if anything more needs to be done than you have to pay extra for it, but at the same time i think you should have spoken to her (i think you said you did) and agreed on a number rather than doing the exact math and coming out with 43 set in stone

eta: i feel like shes complaining at the weirdness of the number if that makes any sense.....

but agree that if she has an issue she should speak with you about it

---

oh it has nothing to do with the weirdness of the number is has to do with her being her usual self. and they have no family so all she is inviting is friends. some people I have never heard of and I have been around for over 6 years now. I dont have a job and FH and I are paying for all the vendors. I find it disgusting that my parents who have given me money have no problem paying extra and she is giving me grief cuz she feels entitiled to more when all she has given me is a headache. We did talk to her and explain this is all we could afford and that anything else would have to come from her...I just feel she is being soooo ungrateful!

---

you really need to be firm ( and i mean FH and if not him than you might need to step in) and tell her your way or no way. Either she complies to your guest rules or she invites no one

that is it end of discussion

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yeah but how to do that without blowing up her friends spot lol. Cuz to my face she is all well it was tough but I cut the list down and then behind my back its blah blah blah. I think its that fact that is agrivating me the most! and the putting her guests on my list lol

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Who cares whose spot you blow you need to lay down the law lol