Black Tie Wedding Question

Dh and I just got invited to a black tie wedding (not optional). We have never been to one and are unsure what we are suppose to wear. Does DH have to get a tuxedo or will a nice suit do? Am i expected to wear a long dress or can i wear a cocktail dress. Its at Oheka and DH is coworker to the father of the groom.

DH does not own a tuxedo and i don't want to pay money for a tux.

TIA for advice.

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Posted by Summer05

I think that he could wear a nice black suit. I would go with a long dress for you.

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If i recall i remember this being discussed in the past and people said that guys wear nice suits. That would save us some money which would be nice.

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Posted by Summer05

I think that he could wear a nice black suit. I would go with a long dress for you.

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i agree. my whole family was invited to a black tie wedding last summer and my brother wore a dark suit.

and yes, you should wear a long dress.

I just went to a black tie affair in Manhattan at 11 Madison Park.

I went crazy trying to find a long dress since i didnt have one (at the last minute) and everyone kept telling me to wear something long. Well when i got the the weddng i would say that about 75 percent of the women were not wearing long gowns...they had on dressy cocktail length dresses.

A lot of the men also just had on dark suits and looked just fine.

Just thought I would share

I have been to a few 'black tie' weddings. not every guy wears a tux. I think a nice black suit is just fine!

I always wore a long gown/dress though.

I think when they write Black Tie w/ o the option it means they strongly suggest this is a very formal affair.

At my brothers wedding a bunch of people didn't wear tux's they just wore dark suits. I think the average person feels they are being asked for a lot if they don't own a tux and puts them in a funny situation, after all I think people may give less to the couple if they are putting more money towards their dress.

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Posted by JessToni

I just went to a black tie affair in Manhattan at 11 Madison Park.

I went crazy trying to find a long dress since i didnt have one (at the last minute) and everyone kept telling me to wear something long. Well when i got the the weddng i would say that about 75 percent of the women were not wearing long gowns...they had on dressy cocktail length dresses.

A lot of the men also just had on dark suits and looked just fine.

Just thought I would share

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Was it optional or black tie? I am starting to feel a lot better about just going having DH wear a nice suit. I also don't have a fancy dress so i would have to go out and get one and if he rents a tux and i have to get a dress then that is already $200 BEFORE we go to a wedding of someone we don't really know. I told DH i would rather not go and send a nice gift if need be. I don't like being told what to wear to a wedding...but that is JMO. I thought optional was the way things were done now.

Plus its a Sunday Day wedding??? I'm not up on ettiquette here but i thought Black Tie was more for nighttime weddings but i could be wrong.

I was originally going to post and say I agreed with the ladies who said tux and long gown... then I read your response about the wedding being sunday day. I definitely think he can wear a dark suit... you should definitely wear a very dressy dress (there are places you can rent too if you want to save money) no matter the length. My sister had a saturday day wedding and put black tie optional on the invite bc she didn't want people to dress down. Her philosophy -- even though it's during the day, it was at a formal place and her dress was a formal gown and therefore, despite the time people should dress up. She didn't necessarily want tuxes -- just did it to prevent people from being too informal. I would suspect these people had the same philosophy.

I say wear what you want as long as you will be comfortable and confident no matter what those around you are wearing!!!!

My wedding is black tie and if anyone were to ask me if a dark suit is ok I would say yes. There will not be a bouncer at the door telling people they cannot come in. Regardless of if the wedding was at Oheka Castle or Joe's Diner, if the invite says 'black tie' then the dress code is formal. The wedding venue is irrelevant. I have been to plenty of black tie weddings in hotels, temples and country clubs. As for time of day and formality, there are different levels of formality but they are often limited to the members of the bridal party. A wedding at high noon on a Sunday used to have a BP wearing cut-away coats and ascots. Many people now have black tie weddings on Sundays beginning at 4pm which they call twilight. They are not any less formal than a Saturday night.

I am in the minority when it comes to my feelings on the whole black tie issue. When a woman is a guest at a black tie wedding, she is expected to have a dress, shoes, handbag, hosiery and to have her hair done. This could cost her a couple hundred dollars and she doesnt even blink. Yet people think it is an inconvenience and financial burden on a man to rent a tux? Sorry - MAJOR double standard here. If he owns one and wears it only twice he gets his money's worth. A woman, more often than not will NOT wear the same ensemble twice within a short period of time, thus creating a need for 2. I don't know about all of you, but I have at least 3 or 4 dresses (with coordinating accessories) that I could wear to a black tie function at any time. Why is it so much to ask that a man do the same?

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Posted by Goldi1021


I am in the minority when it comes to my feelings on the whole black tie issue. When a woman is a guest at a black tie wedding, she is expected to have a dress, shoes, handbag, hosiery and to have her hair done. This could cost her a couple hundred dollars and she doesnt even blink. Yet people think it is an inconvenience and financial burden on a man to rent a tux? Sorry - MAJOR double standard here. If he owns one and wears it only twice he gets his money's worth. A woman, more often than not will NOT wear the same ensemble twice within a short period of time, thus creating a need for 2. I don't know about all of you, but I have at least 3 or 4 dresses (with coordinating accessories) that I could wear to a black tie function at any time. Why is it so much to ask that a man do the same?

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I unfortunetly don't have any dresses that i coudl wear to a black tie function. I do have nice dresses i can wear to a wedding, but none of them are too formal. And since this is probably the only black tie function me and DH will be going to anytime in the near future I am seriously doubting we will go now because of the cost to get dressed to go to this thing.

I have had a lot of weddings the past 2 years and i have worn most of my dresses 2-3 times each...so i don't necessarily go out every wedding to get a dress either.

This to us would be like being in a wedding party almost to pay for a new dress and tux. That is why i was hoping a dark suit would be okay.

This is JMO but I have a wedding coming up that is black tie and my DH is wearing a black suit with a white shirt and black tie. I am a SAHM and our funds are limited. I would much rather give the bride and groom a larger monetary gift than have to spend/waste money on a tux rental.

If you want a black tie wedding that is fine - but make it optional. Remember that most people have out of town guests who need to pay for a hotel room, have paid tolls or airfare to come to your wedding and now add a tux rental on top? I'm sorry but its just a lot to ask for some people.

Goldi - I def. see your point but as far as my circle of friends and family none of us own tuxes or get our hair done for weddings. We all have dresses with accessories and we've all worn them more than once. I've worn dresses more than once to friend's weddings - I have several, all long (I hate short dresses on me....I'm too tall) dresses. The guys can always change the look of suit with a different shirt/tie.

For us its about looking good but not spending money that we just don't have. We'd all just rather give it to the couple

I personally love to get dressed up for Black Tie affairs. My dad always kept an up to date tuxedo and FI owns two tuxedos but I understand not everyone likes to get dressed up and not every man owns a tux.

I think you can attend without going full on formal. I attended a Black Tie affair (colleagues wedding) and a few men wore suits (not all dark either). Others wore tuxedos. There was a range of attire but most women wore long, formal dresses.

As you can see, there was a decent mix of suits and tuxedos.

black tie is great for those who have money to spend on tuxes, dresses, accessories, bags, etc.

but for those of us who don't have that money and buy a black dress on sale for $40 at macys and wear it to 10 weddings before they get another one, black tie is a burden.

man, if anyone ever asked me to get my hair done for a wedding, i'd take it out of the price of the gift!

i never go out and buy new dresses for weddings unless i absolutely need it (such as if the one i have doesn't fit). it's presumptious to assume that everyone is in a financial situation to buy tuxes and get their hair done for a wedding