black tie...preferred? requested? optional?

i REALLY want my wedding to be black tie, but i don't want to sound like a wedding nazi, a la starr jones... so how to word it on the invite?

right now i have 'black tie preferred'. any other ideas?

This is what I wanted also, but lost out to my family (they thought it sounded too 'stuffy')---however, the fact that you're getting married at Vanderbilt should tell your guests enough if you word it 'optional.'

My family was worried that it would be too much money for some of my family members between travel expenses and the hotel--so we're just going to pass the word along that a dark suit is necessary. Plus, the ceremony is on the beach--but inside Land's End will be a bit more 'fancy'--so, suits will be fine in the end.

I think 'optional' + the fact that you're getting married at a mansion should send the point across. If you don't think it'll work--I would just put Black Tie Affair (period).

i agree, 'preferred' does sound a little stuffy... maybe i will go with 'optional' and hope that most people opt!

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Posted by randella

I just wrote 'Black Tie' and called it a day.

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i am tempted to do the same!

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Posted by alexlynn7

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Posted by randella

I just wrote 'Black Tie' and called it a day.

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i am tempted to do the same!

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YOu know that people will show up in suits anyway- at least one or two.. so you might as well just go for it. I mean, my wedding is just black tie-- so, it was not an issue for me- but if you really want people in tuxes- just make it black tie.

I have been having this argument with the other female members of my family since the dawn of time. They feel that it is an imposition on a male guest to wear a tuxedo if they don't own one. Here are my thoughts:

1) Most adult men should have a tuxedo in their wardrobe because.... (see#2)

2) Most women have at least 2-3 dress ensembles (including shoes) that they can wear to a formal function at any given moment in time. Why shouldn't men?

3) You can purchase a decent tuxedo at SYMS or Men's Wearhouse at about the same cost of a suit and they can wear it over and over so it pays for itself. MUCH cheaper than a rental in the long run.

4)As much as you want to believe that location, day of the week and time is a clear indicator of how a man should dress for a formal occasion, men have no clue.

Of course it is more than acceptable for a man to wear a dark suit when your invitation makes any mention of 'black tie' whether it be optional, preferred, or otherwise. But there is always ONE man who wears an informal look and to me it makes things appear a little sour.

i'm putting , 'The pleasure of your company is requested at the formal dinner reception following' and then
'Black tie welcome', at the lower right corner,'cuz i want people to wear tuxes if they have one, but dark suits will be just fine too.