BM and GM Dilemma... Vent

OK, here's the story..

FH's best friend and his wife are in our wedding party.. They are awesome and great to hang out with and we are really tight..

Sounds great..

I have to give you a little background.. She's the breadwinner in the relationship.. he's a mortgage broker who within the past year got into that business.. So all the money he was making was going towards lavish watches and jewelry whatever.. they purchased a condo, no money down and financed 100% (yet, they could have used all the money he was making to put a down payment on)..

So, he started working for a mortgage company that FH got him the job at bc he's friends with the owner.. all of a sudden, they stopped calling us and hanging out with us bc they are hanging out with his hot shot, coke snorting, new rich friends... They don't talk to ANY of our circle of friends anymore.. I used to talk to my BM every day and go walking with her and we used to go to their softball games, out to dinner, whatever... Now, it's like they don't hang out with us bc we don't make enough money to entertain them.. and the funny part is, the people they hang out with pay for EVERYTHING.. its so pathetic..

We haven't seen them or spoken to them since JUNE.. it's been 2 months and my girls are getting ready to be sized and fitted for their BM's gowns.. I need to order them..

So FH said that if we don't talk to them by Monday then we are probably going to take them out of the wedding party.. The only problem is, is that we gave them A LOT of money as a gift for their wedding last year, and if we take them out, we risk them not coming to the wedding and losing all that money, or just not giving us as much as we gave them.. The money isn't important to me.. I am more concerned about having people we love and respect and are true friends in our wedding party.. S

So I don't know how I would break it to them.. Sorry this is so long.. I just don't what else to do..

good luck

Day Day, confrontation is the worst. Email works best for me as well. But they seem to be more materialistic than anything. And seriously, you might have not seen it before, but it's right before your very own eyes now. Being lavished with dinners, and white lines may suite them now, but the reality is, is that it'll end at some point, and you guys will always be their REAL friends!! Some people just like the fact of 'new friends' and forget the ones that love them most, regardless of what comes along, or the circumstances that follow. I would take it as a loss, as far as the money you guys gave them as a gift. I wouldn't want to be associated, nor have some fair weather friends involved in such a beautiful day. It's your call, but apparently you have seen their true colors, as far as priority concerning your friendship and wedding with them, or her specifically. I don't ever wanna see you hurt, but keep in mind, it's their loss, not yours!!!Your day will be wonderful, with or without them!!!

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Posted by snydl40

I would try calling first. Talk about their lack of time for the friendship.

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See.. this is where I am stubborn.. I refuse to call her.. why should I call her when she can't pick up a phone and call me?? ya know??? So I am probably going to write and email that's direct and to the point without trying to be an uber b*tch, bc I can be and I am not ready to go there just yet..

Sigh...

Wow that just s*cks immensely! Drugs are such a terrible draw. Your friends seem to have taken a very severe turn for the worse. It's been 2 months - seems long. In your contact e-mail I would try to express some concern initially. 'We have missed you guys!' or 'We haven't heard from you in two months, is everything ok?' Approach it from the ignorant side, see if you get a response. Give them the oppourtunity to explain themselves. Express your concern about the people they are spending so much time with.

If you get little or no response then write them off. The money went to people you loved and cared for. They just simply don't exsist anymore. Think of it that way. Take some time to mourn the loss of the friendship. I've had to let go of a number of friends in my life for similar reasons. It's sad but freeing. I wish you the best of luck and hope for you and your FH's sake that these people you care for get their heads out of their azzes and recognize that they are just about to lose two wonderful people. sometimes people can just be so selfish...

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Posted by iamvocal72

Sigh...

Wow that just s*cks immensely! Drugs are such a terrible draw. Your friends seem to have taken a very severe turn for the worse. It's been 2 months - seems long. In your contact e-mail I would try to express some concern initially. 'We have missed you guys!' or 'We haven't heard from you in two months, is everything ok?' Approach it from the ignorant side, see if you get a response. Give them the oppourtunity to explain themselves. Express your concern about the people they are spending so much time with.

If you get little or no response then write them off. The money went to people you loved and cared for. They just simply don't exsist anymore. Think of it that way. Take some time to mourn the loss of the friendship. I've had to let go of a number of friends in my life for similar reasons. It's sad but freeing. I wish you the best of luck and hope for you and your FH's sake that these people you care for get their heads out of their azzes and recognize that they are just about to lose two wonderful people. sometimes people can just be so selfish...

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Thank You!!!!

The funny thing is, is that they aren't into the drug scene, which is why I am so confused that they want to hang out with people like that.. but what is funny is the the wife (my BM) NEVER drank and all of a sudden, she's never without a cocktail in her hand.. Its just so sad that people can change so much for people.. and I am going to approach it thru an email first.. FH wants to see if they call us this weekend (which I can tell you they won't) and then he wants me to email her on Monday.. so we'll see what happens.. I am going to be blunt and ask flat out if they are still interested in being in out wedding party being that we haven't seen or heard from them in months.. I'll keep you guys posted...

Hey Day Day... OK well I have spoken to you about this before and now with you putting it in writing I can see the whole situation better. My advice to you would be to email them and ask them why they haven't been contacting you guys to get together and if everything is okay with them. Express your concern about their 'new lifestyle' and also that you are planning your wedding and need to know if they would still like the honor of being in their wedding party because you are getting the feeling that their friendship just doesn't seem as close as it used to be over the past few months. I have heard the stories about the watches and all and how they have been treating u and Larry and it just doesn't sit right with me. You have been racking your brain for a while with this and there is no need to continue stressing yourself out anymore Day! Get it over with and find out what their intensions are friendship wise and that you just don't feel 'good enough' to hang out with them anymore. In the long run.. when things die down for them and they continue to mess up their lives and spend all their hard earned money they will be running back to you guys for a shoulder to lean on.. but you need to make it known that you are hurt and bothered by their actions!! If you don't say anything now.. it will keep eating you up!!! Go ahead send them an email and spill your guts girl!! I'm here if you need me !! mwahhhhhhhhh

Ok, this is what I would do.

Send an e-mail to her and tell her that the BM Dresses need to be ordered and you would like her to come and try it on with you. Give her some dates you can go. If she does not contact you after that, call it a day.

I would of course still invite them to the Wedding and be the bigger person, but when it comes to the BP you want people that are going to stand by you standing next to you that day.

Some people get out of touch in life and go separate ways, that does not mean the love is still not there. That is why I am saying to give it another shot. You don't want to look back and say 'I wish I did'

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Posted by D's Girl

Ok, this is what I would do.

Send an e-mail to her and tell her that the BM Dresses need to be ordered and you would like her to come and try it on with you. Give her some dates you can go. If she does not contact you after that, call it a day.

I would of course still invite them to the Wedding and be the bigger person, but when it comes to the BP you want people that are going to stand by you standing next to you that day.

Some people get out of touch in life and go separate ways, that does not mean the love is still not there. That is why I am saying to give it another shot. You don't want to look back and say 'I wish I did'

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I see where you're going with this Bar.. BUT, I am the type of person to just write someone off like that and not look back.. it's just how I am .. it's not in my nature to be very forgiving and when I am it's only when it's well deserved.. in this case, I can say good bye, be cordial when I see them and that's the end of it.. maybe I am just really pissed off right now, but I just think it's so cheezy how they run when they see people in a higher tax bracket.. I am not a Jones, nor will I ever be and people who act like the Joneses I have no use for.. God I am a b*tch.. I don't even mean to be..

I would just email her, it ***** to be in the position that you are in but you need to step back and take a look at the whole situation. Then email her and tell her that you were just 'curious' as to whether or not she was going to meet up with you to do dress on such and such a day...if you get no response then you know where you stand.

One thing that I can say from experience is at the point that you are in your life do you want people as Friends that you cant rely on and that you really dont have any communication with? Its one thing if friends go seperate ways and catch up every now and then...its another thing if someone is smug and doesnt want to be your friend b/c theirs are 'better'

It is something you have to really think about. You can say we will lose friends...but it seems to me like you have already.

Good luck - I hope that you are able to figure out what is best for you