So, I planned the bach. party with no help from the BP. 4 girls couldn't make the first date, so we changed it to the following weekend. And now even though I called each girl (which my call wasn't returned) and sent out invites, there is still one BM who just declined coming. I am giving over 1 months notice, and she says it's because of work. I have never heard of a BM not coming to a bach. party for a lame excuse.
Panamasweet
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
I assume you are the bride? i would talk to her and tell her how you feel. She should be able to take time off with over 1 months notice. when you agree to be a bridesmaid there are certain things you know come with the title....bridal shower, bach party, dress fittings and being there and being supportive on the day of the wedding. I think people just accept without thinking
If you are not the bride then i would definetly tell her why the BM couldnt come. You dont want her expecting her the night of the party and getting upset when she doesnt show up.
NewYorker09
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
That sounds pretty ridiculous to me too. I know there are jobs where someone might work every weekend-- the service industry, healthcare, um I'm sure there's others-- but usually you can get ONE day off. It sounds like you already have everything planned for that specific day or I'd ask her what day WOULD work for her (maybe she's just being difficult). I would talk to her and see what you can do, but really, it seems kinda odd that she can't get one night off. I would just make sure you explain to the bride the situation so she doesn't wonder what happened.
AngnShaun
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
Posted by Teachgirl
So, I planned the bach. party with no help from the BP. 4 girls couldn't make the first date, so we changed it to the following weekend. And now even though I called each girl (which my call wasn't returned) and sent out invites, there is still one BM who just declined coming. I am giving over 1 months notice, and she says it's because of work. I have never heard of a BM not coming to a bach. party for a lame excuse.
yes I have heard of BM not going to B-Party... What does she do for a living?
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
With the economy being what it is I think we all need to be a little extra caring about our BMs jobs. They are spending money on our big day and I personally wouldnt want to have a BM take off if she couldnt and risk loosing her job.
soontobecruz
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
I've heard of it... I hope my BM's will be there but if they can't for work or finacial reasons I understand.
Also I don't know what you decided to do but if I planned something and the BM is uncomfortable with it... (ie strippers, clubbing, etc) I wouldn't be offended if they opt'ed out.
I just want my BM's to be there as am emotional support to me, and show up that day with a smile in a dress we decided on. I don't think its a huge deal if one or more can't make my bach party.
bride2bebe
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
i think first and foremost you need to ask yourself what kind of a friend she has been.
If she is a loyal and good hearted person then I think you should be understanding as to why she can't come- whatever her reason may be.
if she is the type of friend who is flakey and self absorbed and this excuse doesn't seem out of her realm then I would say- leave it alone because it was to be expected.
Either way- people have their reasons and you confronting her can only worsen the matter. It may not be her job- it may be personal, it may be nothing at all. The BM said she can't go- for whatever reason it may be for.
I don't think you want someone there who may not really want to be there. My advice is to just drop it and hope she's supportive to your needs in future weding related stuff.
cavvento
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
I think you have to really consider possibilities why. Is she on a tight budget? If so, maybe you can suggest that she just drop by for an hour or two after work and that the cost would be at a minimum. If she truly can't with hours of work, offer for the two of you to do a brunch on the next morning. I happen to think that bachelorette parties so frequently get out of hand that it's no wonder people are so hesitant. That could be why she's doing what she's doing. You should try to address concerns, and not in a confrontational way or it will lead toa fight. She might be embarrassed of why she can't come.
PeterNina Mom
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
Posted by soontobecruz
I've heard of it... I hope my BM's will be there but if they can't for work or finacial reasons I understand.
Also I don't know what you decided to do but if I planned something and the BM is uncomfortable with it... (ie strippers, clubbing, etc) I wouldn't be offended if they opt'ed out.
I just want my BM's to be there as am emotional support to me, and show up that day with a smile in a dress we decided on. I don't think its a huge deal if one or more can't make my bach party.
ITA!!!!
DKaye09
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
My MOH told me that if I personally wanted to do a bach party that had any kind of strippers involved or anything of that nature, she'd set it up for me- but would NOT attend. I would like for her to be there, but I also understand that she is a huge prude- lol.
MrsDrinkh20
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
I have been a BM and I have also been unable to attend the bach party and there were bms of mine that didn't attend mine...I wasn't offended and didn't really think it was too big of a deal to me. Maybe its a money thing or maybe she doesn't feel comfortable doing wha tyou are doing? or maybe she can't actually get off of work? Maybe talk to her?
marinai7
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
I've heard of BM's not attending - nobody I personally know, but it happens. I would talk to her and see if there is a way she can get off. I can't really say more than that because I don't know what her job is or what her situation is. If her job won't let her take off, then it's not really her fault. If it's a money issue, then she might tell you that if you speak to her. I would just give her a call to talk it out and see what the situation is. Then you can make your judgement.
MrsC2010
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
i was a bm in my cousin's wedding a few years back when i had just finished college. I couldn't go to her bachelorette party bc it was a really expensive weekened they had planned and i didnt have the money at the time. i felt terrible and wanted to be there but it just wasnt feasible at the time.
i think ppl need to be understanding of their bm's situations. maybe she can't afford it or doesnt want to risk her job but that doesnt mean she doesnt want to there.
Chrissy726
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
I was a BM last summer and I could not attend the bach party for a couple reasons. 1- She was having it out in the Hamptons for the whole weekend. 2 - It was expensive 3- it was planned months in advance by the MOH and bride however i was only told the week before 'due to miscommunication', so I already had plans to work. HTH
leeserd
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
Well, in my experience there is the legitimate 'I have to work' excuse where it really will adversely effect a person's job if they take the day off and then there is the ridiculous 'I have to work' excuse which covers everything from I just don't want to go to I don't like the activities planned to I don't want to pay for it. In a case where a girl isn't being honest abut her reason for not attending it is difficult because even if you suspect that the real reason she is not attending is not because she has to work, what are you going to do, call her a liar?
I would handle your situation like this..I would say, look, you will be able to give your employer 1 month notice, which is more than sufficient unless you are performing a rare heart transplant and I would additionally add that the bride will in all likelihood feel hurt when she hears the excuse that this girl is offering. If she has mentioned that she doesn't like the activities planned then maybe mention something like, I know that you have said that you are not into X,Y, Z, but this party was planned with the bride in mind and she wants you there and when it is your turn to get married I am sure that the bride will do whatever it is that you want to do even it isn't her thing because you are her friend and it is for you and how would you feel if your friends bailed on you for you bachelorette party? If she just can't or won't pay for it then there isn't much you can do. Has she offered to contribute financially to the party even though she doesn't plan to attend?
Nina1010
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
Posted by Teachgirl
So, I planned the bach. party with no help from the BP. 4 girls couldn't make the first date, so we changed it to the following weekend. And now even though I called each girl (which my call wasn't returned) and sent out invites, there is still one BM who just declined coming. I am giving over 1 months notice, and she says it's because of work. I have never heard of a BM not coming to a bach. party for a lame excuse.
I feel for you...but it happens all the time. Its really hard to get so many ppl together at the same time and with all the money ppl pay out to be part of some weddings...its more common than you'd think. Try not to take it too personally.
browneyes
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
dont feel bad.. i have 4 bm and only 1 is coming to my Bach party.. yup thats right 1... im not to mad though b.c i wanted to goto AC and well two of my Bm have 2 month old babies well 3 n almost 4 months when the party comes and the other bm is only going to be 18 so not much for her to do...
But thankfully my other girlfriends all rock and they are coming so it will still be fun.. I might do a dinner with my 3 bm that arnt coming to ac.. we shall see
Teachgirl
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
Thanks ladies for your responses. I'm hoping to speak to her in person, since my e-mails and phone calls haven't yet been returned. I'm not the bride, just a very involved BM who knows how special it is when the whole BP can attend functions together. I feel that weddings have 3 events in which you need to make yourself available, bridal shower, bach. party and wedding. I don't think that's asking alot. From what I understand, she didn't even go and see the dress meanwhile the bridal store was 15mins from her house. I'm thinking the excuse of, 'I have to work' is just a lame excuse. I know the economy is rough and every penny counts....but one day won't not let you 'pay your rent' (so to speak)
I took the highroad and said:
'I hope you can work out your schedule so that you may attend. We'll miss you!' All other weekends had more 'non attendees' The weekend that we picked was majority ruled.
I also want to add, the BM did offer to pay for the 'bachelorette sash' which is not really a contribution considering the silly things for the bride don't really cost that much. The entire BP has 'jumped' at the opportunity to buy these silly things. Since one girl is buying the veil it comes with the sash too! It would be nice if she might offer a few dollars even, $20 so that we may buy the bride some drinks for the evening.
Teachgirl
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
Posted by soontobecruz
I've heard of it... I hope my BM's will be there but if they can't for work or finacial reasons I understand.
Also I don't know what you decided to do but if I planned something and the BM is uncomfortable with it... (ie strippers, clubbing, etc) I wouldn't be offended if they opt'ed out.
I just want my BM's to be there as am emotional support to me, and show up that day with a smile in a dress we decided on. I don't think its a huge deal if one or more can't make my bach party.
I actually planned something that the bride wants...I would have done something completely different. But I'm going b/c it's the bride's night out.
Teachgirl
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Re: Bm declines bach. party?
Posted by Chrissy726
I was a BM last summer and I could not attend the bach party for a couple reasons. 1- She was having it out in the Hamptons for the whole weekend. 2 - It was expensive 3- it was planned months in advance by the MOH and bride however i was only told the week before 'due to miscommunication', so I already had plans to work. HTH
I planned an evening that is cost effective to accommodate these people. I have been talking about this since after July 4 for a late Aug affair. I think I'm giving ample time for he to work things out.
