BM Dilema

babybug631 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:14 PM

BM Dilema

I have a small wedding party. My FH best friend has been dating this girl for over two years, and we hang-out as couples every so often. My FH wanted her to be in the bridal party because we know we will be spending a lot of time with them in the future. I am not very close to her, but I agreed to have her be my BM. I just found out that they broke up. Reality is that chances are we will have no relationship with her after this break-up. She called me and told me if I didn't want her to be in the bridal party she would understand. But I feel bad because she already has the dress. I don't know what to do. Should I keep her in the BP or tell her maybe it's better-off she step down?

October Bliss Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:20 PM

Re: BM Dilema

Try to find out if she offered to step down b/c she doesn't want to be around ex, and is trying to graciously get out of it by making it seem like it is totally your decision, or if she really wants to be a part of your day.

In the alternative, if you can afford it, you can offer to reimburse her for cost of dress and have her step down (if you really don't want her to be in BP).

mka06 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:23 PM

Re: BM Dilema

If she offered, then I think you can take her up on it without worrying it will cause an enormous fiasco. Mature of her to offer. Although, if you are able, you might want to consider reimbursing her for the dress. Personally, I think I would (while feeling badly) take her up on the offer to drop out. I want my BP to be people I know will be in my life 20 years from now when I look back at wedding pics.

Faith Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:23 PM

Re: BM Dilema

Is there any chance she could return the dress? If it was a bitter break-up, maybe it would be better to let her step down. You don't want anything interfering on your big day.

DAVALJO2 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:27 PM

Re: BM Dilema

I think you should leave it up to her. Tell her that if she's uncomfortable with it, then she should step down, but if she still wants to be part of the wedding then u would be more than happy to have her. That is if u want her.

tracy2246 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:28 PM

Re: BM Dilema

wow-sounds like my life sort of-IMO that is a tough call. Your true loyalty should be with your FH's best friend and if it makes him uncomfortable then she should not be in it. Or if it will cause conflict with your his friend and you both then ask her to step down.

BHW Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:28 PM

Re: BM Dilema

Do you really want this girl to be in all of your bridal party pictures especially when chances are you won't really have a relationship with her after the wedding? I would probably take her up on her offer to drop out, but I would offer to compensate her for the dress.

ChrissynRicky Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:29 PM

Re: BM Dilema

I would ask your FI's friend how he feels about her being there. If it's going to cause conflict, he should speak with her (leaving you and FI out of their 'drama') and recm'd her to step down b/c it'll be an akward situation for the both of them, and shouldn't be reflected as such to you and your FI.

sarahthegreat Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:31 PM

Re: BM Dilema

imo, if she offered to back out, i'd take her up on it. i think its gracious of her to offer.

LFitzy79 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:32 PM

Re: BM Dilema

I agree with both Sexyesq and Malbert....if she steps down, I would try to reimburse her dress expenses...who knows though, if she stays in, maybe you'll end up being a good friend of hers, she sounds really mature, and kind. Also, they could get back together....

Summer05 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 02:38 PM

Re: BM Dilema

I would leave it up to her to make the decision.

lullabella Posted: Sep 15, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: BM Dilema

I would reimburse her for the dress and tell her that it is probably best for everyone if she steps down.

Do you really want to look back at your pictures 20 years from now and see her in them?

Honestly, I don't understand why people ask random people to be in their bridal party? I think that a being a BM is a huge honor, it should be a family member or a very very close friend at the very least. JMHO

Swan06 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 04:16 PM

Re: BM Dilema

I would give her the money she spent on the dress back.

lacey&mark Posted: Sep 15, 2005 04:51 PM

Re: BM Dilema

i agree, you might want to reimburse her for the dress and let her know its best she steps down, thank her for being so understanding. goodluck~lacey

Junebride06 Posted: Sep 15, 2005 05:39 PM

Re: BM Dilema

Posted by Swan06

I would give her the money she spent on the dress back.

ditto...it would really be awkward for the two of them to be in the bridal party together! It would be a nice gesture to offer the money for the dress.

PegaLega Posted: Sep 15, 2005 10:57 PM

Re: BM Dilema

thats a tough thing to deal with.

If you want her to still be in your BP I would ask her and him how they feel about being around each other...him first of course. You two might become friends thru the rest of your planning

On the other hand, you might not become friends-how upset would you be to have her in your pictures 10 years from now if you havent spoken to her since your wedding?

I would go with your gut-if you are questioning yourself on making the choice now-then take her up on it and ask her to step down, but I would try to re-imburse her for the dress if possible.

HTH...