Okay, so, I asked my entire bridal party right away..... with the exception of my brothers girlfriend. They have been together for over 3 years, and I love her, but, I wasn't sure. They have been on and off lately, and, I was worried that if something happened, it would be weird having her.
I talked to my brother about it, and he wanted me to ask her, I told him that if they break up, I'm not sure what will happen, that she probably won't be in it.... but, he really wanted me to ask her.
So, I asked her, she said yes, and she even went to try on dresses with us.
Now, they broke up, about a month ago.... they still talk, but are broken up. When they broke up, she told him she would still be in the wedding, and, he said, 'Well, maybe they don't want you in it.'
I'm in a weird position. I like her a lot, but, if they are broken up, I kind of don't want her in my wedding. But, I feel like that is kind of rude, since I already asked her..... so, I am not sure what to do.
Should I just leave it alone until it comes time to order the dresses in about a month and a half and see where things are, and maybe sit down with them and talk about it?
Anyone have any better suggestions?
TIA
yelley77
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Wow... that is a tough one. I think if it is over for good, perhaps it's not a good idea to have her in it, but, if you think they might be getting back together, then leave it the way it is. Do you think they will work things out in terms of their relationship?
It's going to be a hard call...
kellybean
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Would you replace her? The only reason I ask is if you wait till right up to ordering the dresses the 'replacement' may not have $ for the dress etc...How likely do you think it is that they will be back together for the wedding?
Princess Cut Bride
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Wow....your in a bad situation!!!!! Are you close with her? If you are I would still keep her in it. If you only asked her b/c of your brother I would consider taking her out. It sounds as though she still wants to be in it though.
I'm sorry you are in this situation!!! Good luck!
TJ22908
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
I would say give it some time & see what happens. They are still talking to each other? Sometimes it just takes time & they will be ok with each other. My brothers ex girlfriend from high school is one of my good friends and they are good friends too so sometimes things work out. I would say if they are still talking then give it time to see how things settle between them
TommysWife08
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
are you good frends with her?? is she someone that you think will be in your life forever even after they have been broken up for a while? if not, then i'd say dont have her in the BP. it sounds really mean, but for me, i would hate to be looking at my pictures like 10 years from now and being like 'oh yeah i dont talk to this girl anymore'
i mean, you did mention it to your brother as a possibility right? so it shouldnt be a big deal?!
maybe i sound like im being a little harsh... but i had to decide not to have someone in my BP b/c i wasnt sure how great of a friend they were to me... and i decided not to have her in it and i cant tell you what a great decision i made... but thats another story lol
AmandaLynn04
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
I will not replace her.... with her it is 7 girls and 6 guys, so, without her, it is even. I was going to have my brother walk down the aisle twice, once with her, and once with one of my cousins.
I do like her, it's just that she has been so flakey lately..... she and I used to be really close when I lived in NY, but, not anymore, because I hardly see her.
I think she was genuinely happy I asked, but, I don't want there to be any weirdness with my brother if they are not together and she is there.
It's just a crappy situation!
AmandaLynn04
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Posted by TM2008
are you good frends with her?? is she someone that you think will be in your life forever even after they have been broken up for a while? if not, then i'd say dont have her in the BP. it sounds really mean, but for me, i would hate to be looking at my pictures like 10 years from now and being like 'oh yeah i dont talk to this girl anymore'
i mean, you did mention it to your brother as a possibility right? so it shouldnt be a big deal?!
maybe i sound like im being a little harsh... but i had to decide not to have someone in my BP b/c i wasnt sure how great of a friend they were to me... and i decided not to have her in it and i cant tell you what a great decision i made... but thats another story lol
You're not being harsh at all. I feel the same way. I told him and my mom that if they broke up, I don't want her. It's just hard because I do like her.
I don't want her to order a dress and then they break up for good and she's stuck with it...
yelley77
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
keep us posted, and let us know what you decide!!
Fall Bride 2008
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Honestly I would let her know that it would be an uncomfterable place for her and your family. I am sure she will understand. I am sure she feels out of place as well. What happend when your bro brings another date ewwwwwwwww.I hope it works out!
bemyyoko
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
How does your brother feel about it? Would it be really wierd for him to have her at the wedding or in the bridal party?
I only ask because everyone already addressed the other questions... If you arent super close with her,or wouldnt be staying close with her due to their break up I probobly would explain that it's too awkward now... I'd also want to make sure my bro was comfortable that day as well.
That is a really crappy situation to be in.
GinaBambina08
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Okay, so, I asked my entire bridal party right away..... with the exception of my brothers girlfriend. They have been together for over 3 years, and I love her, but, I wasn't sure. They have been on and off lately, and, I was worried that if something happened, it would be weird having her.
I talked to my brother about it, and he wanted me to ask her, I told him that if they break up, I'm not sure what will happen, that she probably won't be in it.... but, he really wanted me to ask her.
So, I asked her, she said yes, and she even went to try on dresses with us.
Now, they broke up, about a month ago.... they still talk, but are broken up. When they broke up, she told him she would still be in the wedding, and, he said, 'Well, maybe they don't want you in it.'
I'm in a weird position. I like her a lot, but, if they are broken up, I kind of don't want her in my wedding. But, I feel like that is kind of rude, since I already asked her..... so, I am not sure what to do.
Should I just leave it alone until it comes time to order the dresses in about a month and a half and see where things are, and maybe sit down with them and talk about it?
Anyone have any better suggestions?
TIA
that's so crazy, I'm in a similar situation....the only difference is, I haven't asked her yet....if I were you, I would keep her in the wedding....you spoke to your brother about this before hand, so he really wouldn't have any reason to be mad that she's still in the party...and you never know, they might be back on just in time for the wedding...I think doing anything now could be rash..
Collweenie21
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
That is a really tough one.... maybe wait it out a bit longer. If they have a history of breaking up and getting back together. If they don't by the time you need to order dresses (if you haven't already), I guess I would explain to her the circumstances, considering you really don't feel like having her in the wedding.
B22
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
that IS a tough decision... by the time the wedding comes around you may not even talk to her much.
are you close enough to her that you speak regularly?
BTW- don't feel bad if you decide you DONT want her in the BP. It is TOTALLY understandable considering the situation.
Kimbalina
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
I would explain to her that in oder to make your family and your self comfortable you can not have her as part of your BP. I think it would cause more drama to have her in it! JMO, good luck!
catsgirl
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
sit down with both your brother and her and touch base where there relationship is going, if you asked her do to her being with your brother you may want to gently remove her, but if you asked her because you like her and consider her a friend or a special person to you then you may want to keep her, but it is truly your decision. you just have to follow your heart with this one, good luck..
GinaBambina08
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Posted by catsgirl
sit down with both your brother and her and touch base where there relationship is going, if you asked her do to her being with your brother you may want to gently remove her, but if you asked her because you like her and consider her a friend or a special person to you then you may want to keep her, but it is truly your decision. you just have to follow your heart with this one, good luck..
Really good advice...
angl2001
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
bump
Toucan311
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Are you ever going to talk to her again? If you probably wont see her again, I'd just drop the whole issue.
AmandaLynn04
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Re: BM Dilemma, need opinions girls!
Well..... I don't really ever see her.... especially because when we go to NY in the summer, my parents are always camping, and we stay in their camper..... so we don't really go to their house.
I'm going up there this weekend, so, we'll see how it goes.
P.S. I am having an engagement dinner (very small, just immediate family, 19 people) here in PA, with our parents, siblings, and my grandparents, aunt, uncle and kids..... she is not coming. She wasn't coming from the beginning..... not to be bitchy, I think she had something to do.... don't remember what though...... since they were together when this was decided and the day of the party falls on my brothers birthday.
I'm going to start buying things for them soon.... like the Old Navy tanks (to make BM tanks) and flip flops, for the reception.... I will buy for her, just in case, I could always give them away before I put BM on it..... if she isn't in it.
