bm question (long)

bm question (long)

Hi, im new to board and I have a question and need some advice. Ok I have had this friend since 3rd grade. Over the years we have stayed friends and of course there were times when we werent really that close. As i went through college we sort of stayed in touch but not much. But anyway she recently got married and asked me to be in her bp. Now she has seemed to change a lot and has become obnoxious and Im to the point where I really dont like hanging out with her. She doesnt return phone calls and makes rude comments when we are out. I havent asked her to be a bm yet but im sure she assumes she is in it. I really dont know if I want her in it anymore. The other problem is that there was 3 of us who were friends and the other girl would be in my bp and I was just in hers. I dont know what to do because I do think that if I dont put her in it she might never talk to me again. Any advice, thanks

Re: bm question (long)

first off, Welcome to the Boards!! You will find you loooove it here!!

Anywyas, your wedding is YOUR day, and if you do not want to invite her to be in your bp---then don;t! You want to save that privilege for the people who mean the most to you and who you can trust. Just because you are in in her wedding, do not feel obligated to have her in yours! If she stops talking to you because you do not invite her, then she is not a true friend to begin with. When you start planning your wedding, you find out who your true friends really are. Good luck in your decision!

Re: bm question (long)

I am not sure how big your bridal party is but if you are trying to keep it small, maybe she'll understand. There is no rule that says that just because you were in hers means she should be in yours, especially if you don't talk to her that much or as close as you once were. She might actually be relieved. Considering if she just had a wedding, being in a wedding party can be costly. It is a tough situation. I hope it works out!

Re: bm question (long)

There is no rule that if someone asks you to be in their BP, you have to ask her to be in yours. My cousin is one of my BM. She just got engaged and isn't asking me, and that's okay. Friendships change, and you have other people you want to have in your party. She will have to be mature enough to deal with it, and if she isn't, then she isn't much of a friend and no need to fret.

Re: bm question (long)

i have a similar situation. the fact is, it is your day and your bridal party should be those people who want to share in your day as much as you want them there....you need to be able to count on them and trust them as well. never ask someone because you feel you have to!! i didnt, and i am extremely happy!

Re: bm question (long)

wow how strange I have a similar situation. What everyone keeps telling me, and they are right, is that is my day. What ever you want to do , do it!
On your wedding day you will probally be so worried about things you don't want to be worried about her or her rude comments. So do what feels right to you.

Re: bm question (long)

I had kind of the same issue with one couple. Fh has been friends with this guy forever. He could not decide, and I told him the same thing- to do what he wants, but know that if he doesn't put him in that is the end of the friendship. It is something you have to think about.

Re: bm question (long)

holly I completely agree. I was in one of my friends briadal party a few years ago and at the time I though t i would be obligated to ask her but I didn't and she has been awesome. So hopefully your friend will be just aas understanding. It's so hard to choose a pridaly party attendant sometimes especially when you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. GO with your gut insticnts...

Re: bm question (long)

I think we all have had a similar issue. One of the girls I am asking has been a friend since Kindergarten, but we have had our ups and downs through the 21 years of frienship. I was confused as to whether or not to ask her (and she already assumes that she is in based on things we said when we were 15) but I just decided that it will be easier to have her than to deal with her as a guest. At least as a bridesmaid I know she will behave. As a guest, she might make a fool of herself and me.

Do what makes you happy, but remember that some friends no way too much about you to make them angry

Re: bm question (long)

I have experience in this department. So I have to say that if this is someone whom you feel you have grown apart from, and is obnoxious when you are out, and you don't enjoy spending time with anymore, why are you putting her in your BP? Do you feel obligated? Are you afraid of how she will react if you don't put her in? Do you think you will lose the friendship if you don't cater to her?

In that case, is this a true friendship or more of a situation where YOU keep the peace, and she does pretty much what she wants to do?

You have to do what you are most comfortable with, but I agree with the other poster, you will find out who your true friends are during the planning process. I lost my 'best' friend of 22 years, and while it was a rude awakening, I can now see how we had grown apart and the only reason we were still friends was because I was holding it together.

Don't let anyone manipulate you into putting them into your BP. Choose those you know will be happy for you, who won't be jealous of you, and who won't cause trouble for you.

Good luck to you! And welcome to the board!

Re: bm question (long)

Thanks everyone for all of your advice. It is a difficult situation and in answer to one of the questions. The reason I am having trouble deciding is because I dont know how she will react if I dont put her in my party. I even think she may be so mad that she wont want to be friends. Family and friends have told me it might just be easier to put her in it than to have to deal with the grief she will cause if shes not in it. This bothers me because I have my cousin who I would really like to put in and I havent so of course I would much rather put in my cousion than her. See the other thing is that my best friend ( a guy) and he is in our circle of friends recently got engaged and I put his fiancee in my party because I absolutely love her. Now I have only known her for about a year so I know this will make my friend really mad that I chose his finacee and not her even though Ive known her since 3rd grade. It is a hard decision but thank you everyone for your help.