Ok, so I have a cousin who is my age and we've been close on & off through the years. So, I asked her to be a BM and she seemed excited and wants to come dress shopping, etc.
So I send out my eparty invites and she tells another BM that she doesn't think she's coming b/c her parents won't come. Her parents aren't coming because their grandson (her nephew) passed away 2 years ago and they took it very hard. They are old-school italian and just never got over his death. (totally understandable)
Now, she says she doesnt' want to come because people always ask her how her parents are and she gets annoyed. I know for a fact that she has gone to NUMEROUS eparties, weddings, showers, etc since his death. BUT, she's always had a date for those and she broke up with her bf about 6 months ago...so she doesn't have a date now. (I did invite her w/guest)
My question...would you be annoyed? Because I am. I haven't officially gotten her response yet, but she's hinted to me that she's not coming. FH & I are very upset...we feel if she doesn't come, then we may tell her that she's not in the Bp anymore. If she can't come to the eparty...how come she can come to the wedding?
I need your input please....Again..sorry this sooo long!!
lkdrnw
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
I think if she is not coming because she doesn't have a BF--you have every right to be upset. It is up to you if you think she should be in the BP--but if she is more concerned about having a BF--is she going to show up to your wedding without one?
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
Posted by lkdrnw
I think if she is not coming because she doesn't have a BF--you have every right to be upset. It is up to you if you think she should be in the BP--but if she is more concerned about having a BF--is she going to show up to your wedding without one?
That's how I feel. Plus I feel like she should be more concerned with celebrating OUR day than whether she has a bf or dealing with people asking how her parents are doing.
lkdrnw
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
I agree with you--the day is about you and your engagement--not about who has a BF or not.
B22
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
I would ask her why she isnt coming. If she says its because her parents arent coming, i would believe her and not assume otherwise.
If she has it in her to lie to you, I would think twice about having her in your BM.
Kara and Todd
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
Would I be upset in your situation? Totally. It's understandable why you're upset.
Is it worth causing family and wedding drama over by kicking her out of your BP? No. Trust me - not worth it at all.
Colette
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
ugh. I know it shouldn't be the case but some people have a REAAAAAALLY hard time showing up at events 'stag' especially right after a tough breakup. But there's no way to verify that's the 'real' reason she's declining, even if its what you suspect... It could very well be due to facing the litany of 'how are your parents?' questions. I can see how that would make for a difficult day for her.
I'd say wait until she officially declines, then you have an opportunity to 'probe' a bit... if you're getting a weird vibe then perhaps you're better off letting her out of the BP at this early stage. Alternatively if you really believe she's an enthusiastic BP member then cut her some slack for this 1 event....
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Mici n KC
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
Call her out on it and just say are you coming or not? Find out her reason. Don't go by hearsay.
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
Thanks girls...but if she isn't coming because of the parents reason...I'm still kind of annoyed. It's out day and I think it's selfish of her to not come so she doesn't have to deal with questions.
Am I being a bridezilla?
emcheung
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
if this upsets you so much, why don't you just confront her about it and explain to her why you're upset. that way both of you can just hash things out upfront, and then you can decide whether you still want her in your bridal party.
MsPotterhead
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
I totally understand how you feel, and I would be annoyed to. BUT, she might be going through a really tough time right now. Dealing with a loss is something that everyone does differently, and sometimes the questions are unbearable. If on top of that she is going through a bad break up, she might not be up to it. I'd approach her and ask if she was OK, and if she was up to being in the bridal party before attacking and firing.
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
Ok, when you put it that way...I am a bridezilla.
Thanks for your input girls! I'll wait for her response and then talk to her. I guess I'm just so excited for the eparty and wedding..I want EVERYONE to celebrate.
Colette
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Re: BM rant and need advice..kinda long, sorry
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
Ok, when you put it that way...I am a bridezilla.
Thanks for your input girls! I'll wait for her response and then talk to her. I guess I'm just so excited for the eparty and wedding..I want EVERYONE to celebrate.
How Cute are you! And nooooo I would not call you the 'b' word over this!!!! Bzillas are the ones who say
I DONT CARE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS IS MYYYYYY DAY. [stomp feet and 2 fists in the air].
That is clearly NOT you, so don't worry!!! You're going to have a GREAT party!!!!!!
