BM/MOH advice needed please

You girls have given great advice out before, and I need some now....

I have a small bridal party (4 girls). I have asked all of my bridesmaids, and they have all said yes. I have not asked anyone to be my MOH yet because I am kind of torn between two of my friends as MOH. And I don't want two MOH's because I am having such a small bridal party.

One of the girls has been a very close friend for over 10 years, the other girl I have only known a year. But, the girl I have only known a year picks up a phone and randomly calls and texts me to see how wedding plans are going. The other girl has almost forgotten about me.

Most recently, I sent a text to all the BMs to see if they would be available to go dress shopping the first weekend in June. Three of the BMs sent me responses like, I'm there, or I'm flexible, let me know. The girl I've know for 10 years sends me a text 'Let me know as soon as possible, I might want to make plans that day.' Is it that hard to try to keep a weekend DAY that is four weeks away open for your friend of over ten years?

Right now, I want to make the friend I've known for a year MOH. The friend of 10 years has done nothing, and shown no interest in my wedding.

What do I do?

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Posted by Melfrank

Sounds like you've answered your own question.. Just because one friend has been in your life for 10 years doesn't mean shes a better friend than one whose been in it for a year. I think making the friend of a year the MOH is a good choice, and will probably mean a lot more to her than the friend who seems too busy to care.

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I agree. I have a friend who I've known since I was 3 (we were practically sisters at one point), but she isn't even in my bridal party. Our parents are still best friends but we have grown apart since we went to college. We never had a fight and we still get along great when we see each other- but we barely ever see each other. I used to try to call her and keep in touch, but when she was away at college she got a brand new life and never came back (she now lives 1 state away where she went to college). Our parents still hang out with each other at least once a week if not more.

I never even imagined not having her as my MOH, let alone not even having her in my bridal party at all. But once i got engaged I realized I have other friends who are better friends to me (even though I only met some of them a few yrs ago) and who will be there for me.

I'm having 4 bridesmaids and 2 MOHs. I'm most comfortable with that. I'm not saying this is what you should do, I'm just saying it wouldn't be nuts, you can do it if you want.

If I was you I would think about whether the 10 year friend has been a good friend besides this. Are you disappointed with her as a friend in this specific incident or in general?

You could tell her what you're feeling if you have a close enough relationship and you think you'd get a good outcome.

I once had a falling out with a girl I was 'best friends' with all of childhood. It was kind of traumatizing, literally...I had nightmares after because I thought she would be there for me like family.

Go with your gut and pick the new friend.

Sometimes, new friends are the best friends.

And honestly, if the new friend is more into it and more helpful, then I say pick the new friend. If you feel guilty about it then I suggest to talk to the 10 yr friend and explain your reasons for it. Just so she understands and isn't wondering WHY you did that. Clear the air so to speak. You can just explain that she lives a busy life and isn't around as much and though you love her blah blah... you've also become close to this new girl and she seems to be more available and more able to take on the task.
If you even want, you can do something special for the 10 yr friend... just so she feels special too in her own way on your day. Maybe put a crystal symbol of your friendship in her BoK?? It's a nice sentiment. Just a thought. this way you keep the peace and still you are going with your gut and what you know is best. If you put the 10 yr girl as MOH and she's not a proper fit... believe me... it could actually harm the friendship.

BTW - great job on waiting till the year of your wedding to make this decision! I soooooooooo wish I waited longer to pick my BP.

Thank you all so far for the great advice.

I'm still going to wait a while before making any formal decision, friend of one year is going away to Jamaica (lucky girl!) next week, so I'm going to wait till then.

I had a friend who made had MOH troubles, so I had a feeling to put this decision off for as long as I could.

There is nothing wrong with making 2 girls MOHs if it's something that will save you the headache later on with the friend of 10 years. I have 5 girls and 2 of the are MOHs (one is a friend of mine for the past 24 years and the other I have been best friends with for the past 9 years).

I think you should honestly choose someone (if you only want 1 MOH) who is actually going to be there for you and show an interest in helping you during the entire wedding planning process. You don't want someone who is going to flake on you and not show up for appointments, or go with you dress shopping, or not lend a helping hand in any projects you may need help on. Honestly, this goes for choosing any BM, let alone a MOH. It sounds like to me that your friend of 1 year is going to be more of that helping hand to you than your friend of 10 years.

If you honestly feel like the other girl who you have only known for a short while would be there for you throughout the whole process, then I would go with her. It's sweet that the girl you've known for 10 years is part of your party, but you want the girl that's going to bend over backwards for you to be your MOH... I am sure you won't be offending anyone and at the end of the day you want/need support, you shouldn't chase after anyone to care more than they are showing..

You definitely have time though so don't stress out too much over it :)