BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

donegal419 Posted: Apr 08, 2006 07:10 PM

BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

Ladies, just wanted your advice on a bit of a sticky situation concerning my BP.

FH and I orginally decided we were going to have a small bridal party. I have two sisters and a brother. FH has a sister and a brother and one best friend he has known for years. We were going to leave it at that. I have too many cousins and girlfriends to start getting into that and choosing 'one over the other.'

Well, FH's sister is getting married later on this month. She asked me to be in her BP right before FH and I got engaged. I still do not know her very well (she has been living in FL for most of the time we've been together.) She is having TEN girls in her BP and I told her please not to feel like she has to ask me. She said, 'But I know how important you are to my brother and you will be family soon.' I thought that was sweet and if that's what she wanted, of course I would be in her BP.

NOW.... this FSIL has made it pretty clear that she feels her FH and her SIL (married to my FH's brother) should also be in our BP. I hardly know her or her FH. Also, FH doesn't even really LIKE his SIL... I don't think I want them in my BP. I have nothing against them and I know I will grow to love them all and get to know them better through the years, but I feel if we are adding to the BP, I want it to be one of MY friends or cousins. As it is, my one sister lives in Germany, my FSIL is in FL and it's just my other sister who will be doing everything. BUT the FSIL has really been pushing FH into this... she keeps insisting that 'we're all family.' They have a small family and FH is VERY close with his sister, but I feel she is being pushy. Just because she is having like 17 people in her BP doesn't mean I should.

Am I being bridezilla??? Should I just suck it up and have them in the BP.... I really wanted people that I know well... and I didn't want a large BP. Also, people are telling me I should do it because we shouldn't cause any anomosity or start a fight. other say, it's perfectly fine not to have the inlaws!!! I am torn, it's not like I don't like them, but I would rather have my friend from HS that i've known for 15 years rather than the future inlaws that I barely know.... I thought just having siblings would be easy...but now one is getting married and getting pissed....

THOUGHTS and advice appreciated....
TIA!!!

MrsR72806 Posted: Apr 08, 2006 07:18 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

its your wedding...you do what YOU want...plain and simple

BellaEyes Posted: Apr 08, 2006 07:28 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

I would tell her that you had planned on having a small bridal party and that sorry if feelings get hurt but this is what you want. It's put in a nice way and saying what you need to to make sure she understands. You can also mention that you are having you friend from HS and this is it as far as any more addtions. The bottom line is .. it's your day and your decisions.. I am going through somthing similar.. but not quite with my FH's mother and her family..on a BM issue.. You need to do what YOu want.

sr081906 Posted: Apr 08, 2006 07:58 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

This is Your wedding. Your day. You will never be able to accomodate everybody. Who knows, maybe they will request something else after that. It may just be one thing after another.

So, stick to what you want with FH.

JohnnysGirl350 Posted: Apr 08, 2006 08:01 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

I say it's your wedding and your day. Ask her to understand that you want a small bridal party. You are respecting her wishes for her day and you would appreciate it if she would do the same for you.

Hopefully she will...

PaddysGirl15 Posted: Apr 08, 2006 08:13 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

it is YOUR wedding!!!!!

babybug631 Posted: Apr 08, 2006 08:21 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

She obviously sees things different then you do. She has a lot of people while you choose to keep it small. Keep it the way YOU want it. She can have everyone and their sister in her BP, but you made it clear you don't want it that way. Stick to your guns.

julybride06 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 09:58 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

My FMil is a monster, so I had to have them in the BP (you can tell that I don't have the same relationship with my FSIL as the other girls!

CLMon7906 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 10:01 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

i can't stand FSIL, i don't like her one tiny bit.....but i asked her to be in the BP anyway b/c i knew how much it meant to FH....and unlike a friend that you can lose contact with and ignore if she's bitter/hurt over not being in your wedding, the FSIL will be around forever.

ali120206 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 10:07 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

I think you should just stick to what you originally planned, just siblings. You are at a good place to draw the line!

aliwnec10 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 10:12 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

Posted by SoontobeMrsR72806

its your wedding...you do what YOU want...plain and simple

i totally agree!!!

CLMon7906 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 10:51 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

ok, after reading other replies and re-reading your post, i have to change my answer a little...while i still feel that since it's family and they don't go away, she wants you to have a non-blood relative in your BP?? that's a little uncalled for. i could see if she wanted the bro in, but to insist on the bro's wife is a bit much.....also, to further clarify, i thought you were asking if we thought you should be in her wedding.......i scanned through it and didn't thoroughly read....oops.

mskittynj Posted: Apr 09, 2006 11:07 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

You should have it the way you want! Don't feel obligated to do something you don't want, period!
XOXOXO
Kitty

October Bliss Posted: Apr 09, 2006 11:59 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

I would very nicely explain to FSIL that you are uncomfortable with a large bridal party. Explain that you and FH have discussed all possible options for the BP and since you didn't want to create hard feelings among cousins, friends you've both had since high school (or grade school or whenever), you felt it was best to keep it to those you have already selected.

Then to keep the peace, ask someone to do a reading, someone to hand out programs etc.

mbm750 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 12:57 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

I really think having FSIL's FH and SIL is too much, and I also think FSIL should have no say in who belongs in your BP. If they were good friends of yours, that would be different. But you have to draw the line somewhere and drawing it at siblings is perfectly fine. Remember, it's your wedding. JMO.

kara10152006 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 04:09 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

Definitely stick with your original plan! If she prides herself on becoming 'family,' she should respect your vision of the size of your bridal party better than anyone. If you have a REALLY bad case of the guilts ask her to do a reading or carry the sacrement to the alter (if you're Catholic).

kara10152006 Posted: Apr 09, 2006 04:10 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

Posted by October Bliss

... to hand out programs etc.

that's a GREAT idea!

roxyspark Posted: Apr 09, 2006 04:30 PM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

Posted by October Bliss

I would very nicely explain to FSIL that you are uncomfortable with a large bridal party. Explain that you and FH have discussed all possible options for the BP and since you didn't want to create hard feelings among cousins, friends you've both had since high school (or grade school or whenever), you felt it was best to keep it to those you have already selected.

Then to keep the peace, ask someone to do a reading, someone to hand out programs etc.

I agree, tell her it is siblings only in the BP, but you want her to stand out on your wedding day, so would she like to do a reading.

sparklehorse Posted: Apr 10, 2006 12:11 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

Stick to your plans. I had pressure for my wedding. People that I hardly or don't even know wanted to invite their children. I had to put my foot down and say no. In the beginning this was really upsetting for me. I was really annoyed and dwelled on this for weeks. But in time I promise you, you won't care. Now I don't even care if these self-centered people came to my wedding or not, they caused us such grief. In the end this is your and your FH's wedding and you need to do what's right for you.

Rachel1013 Posted: Apr 10, 2006 08:52 AM

Re: BP Dilemma: Advice Please (kinda long)

Your wedding, your BP. For this exact reason I am only having a MOH, my cousin, and FH is only having a BM, his brother. We're keeping it plain and simple. I don't want any drama!! So far, so good...