Bratty Shower Vent Du Jour

Since my shower surprise has been ruined MONTHS ago, my mother is now involving me in every aspect of it, and it is starting to bother me, because I had wanted it to be a surprise in the first place, and now I am printing out the address labels myself.

But my mother totally went control freak over the whole thing, and is insisting on doing everything herself, and is not letting my delinquent bridal party do anything. And she can't afford to do much, which is why I said have the girls pitch in, but she won't hear it, even though it means the end result is a crappy shower for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm having it in a nice place. But she had to guarantee a 40 person minimum in order to have it there, and that's HYSTERICAL. 15 people will be there, and I'm not exaggerating. So all this money spent on the venue is going to be wasted on ghosts, money that could have at least went towards other aspects.

Apparently I'm not having CPs, and they asked me today if I wanted games or not. Or not? Like, that was an option?

But what really set me over the edge now was the invitations. My mother had my sister do them, as her one 'duty', because god forbid anyone else should lift a finger. They made no qualms about hiding the invitation making process from me, and showed me everything today as they were doing them.

So they bought blank cards, and one rubber stamp of a wedding cake for the front cover, and one rubber stamp that says It's a shower! For: :Where: When: RSVP: like to fill in the blanks for the inside.

My shower invites are rubber stamped like a Kindergarten project.

My sister is a graphic arts/studio design student. Umm....why?

AND my mother is going to hand-write all the pertinent information in with a good old Bic Round Stic pen

I'm just really floored right now. I'm embarrassed actually. These invitations really look ridiculous, and they didnt have to be because my sister was fully capable for doing something on her own for the same price or less given her capabilities.

I understand this vent makes me look petty and ungrateful, but I'm hurt that after all the work I went through to make sure I had a classy wedding on a shoestring budget, that they're going to trash it up on me at my embarrassing shower that no one is even going to come to because my mother would rather do it all by herself this way rather than accept the help of others, and now they're just torturing me by telling me all these sordid details as they're planning it when really I should never have known until it was too late

I dont think your being bratty at all you have every right to feel that way. maybe you should say something about the invitations? I would just volunteer to take care of it. Thats crazy that they would book a 40 person min when only 15 ppl are coming. And its not a surprise anymore im so sorry look at the bright side there hearts are in the right place

I dont think your bratty at all! I would feel the same way if I were you. Im sorry that this is happening and that the surprise was taken away from you.

Is it possible your mother just doesnt know? Like she doesnt know how these things are these days. I mean things were PRETTY different a long time ago and Im not even talking HER time I mean even if it was her friends daughter's bridal shower... Things are so much more modern now and you can do sooo many different things with a bridal shower ya know? Maybe she just doesnt know. =/

Either way Im sorry for how upset you are, I would be... Especially about the stamps, I mean you can go to Walgreen's and get cute invites for cheap.

Maybe ask your sister why she did that whens he can clearly have done it herself.

AND I can totally relate to a deliquent bridal party! Its truly amazing how you realize who your real friends are... And honestly really depressing. =/

Bratty??? I think not! I would be feeling the same way. Maybe you could step in and call on your bridal party for some help? Or maybe calmly sit your Mom down and tell her your feelings on this? Tell her gently that you would like her to redo your invites. Or maybe even change the venue if it is not too late, so you can spend the $ more wisely? Just some thoughts, I hope this helps. I am feeling for you!

Omg Ali, I dont think you are being bratty at all!!!! Omg whyyyyy couldnt they buy cute ones and then write things out? Thats what I did.... after finding out how expensive those invitations get, I went to Party City and got cute ones and just wrote everything else out. I actually got compliments on them lol I totally wouldnt let them send those invites out.... I think you'll have to put your foot down on that one and say you are not trying to be ungrateful....but like you said- you are trying to make your wedding look very nice, and now to send out blank cards with a rubber stamp put on them?? Ummmm no.... thats not okay. Party City has cute ones that they could have gotten for cheap.

I also am taking part in my shower because most of my bridal party will sit back and wait until someone else makes the decision.... and my sister is slacking at MOH...and me, being anal as I am.... has to have a say because I know Im going to be on top of things.... I dont mind, BUT I feel like if your a BM, I feel like the whole point is to help out in the 1st place

As for the venue, is there a way you can have FH some of his boys and groomsmen? It would be a waste to only have 15 people there for a 40 person minimum. I dont get it.... your mom would pay a whole lot of money on a venue and then send out really cheap invies? You can get nice ones for cheap that look nice I would def. let them know how you feel Ali or its going to drive you crazy....and you are not out of line for feeling the way you do.

since you know.. forget about trying to be surprised.. you can now take charge and add your input and fx those invites. i would just do what ou want to make you happy. why watch them ruin your shower when you know about it anyway!! SAVE YOUSELF!!!

looking back at mine,i wish it wasnt a surprise. They definately needed my help. SO definatley tkae control.

I don't think you are being bratty at all! I would be upset too!

Sorry you are going through this!

Well, their reasoning for doing these stamps apparently is because the pre-made invites were 'old lady' looking, and they wanted to make them personalized and different. Which is all nice and well...but they also ONLY went to Michael's, it's not like they made an effort to find nicer invites at AC Moore, or Party City, or any other place.

When I mentioned the fact that I was disappointed in my sister that rubber stamps were all she could come up with given her background, my mother said that it was because she was rushing her to get it done, she had finals last week, and 'you don't appreciate her anyways, so why should she waste her art on you'.

Wow.

Now I'm just going to drag the drama llama into it. I hate this wedding, this has been the most MISERABLE year of my life so far, and the next 6 months I can only imagine being doubly as miserable. This should be the happiest time of my life right now and it's not. I almost want to cancel the whole thing. I'm sick of my family, I'm sick of FH's family adding 10 more people to the guest list each time I see them, and I'm sick of FH's sheer unwillingness to compromise with me on anything.

I know what I need more than anything is to just take like a month or two month break from all this, but I just can't because I don't have enough done to be able to afford that luxury due to FH.

This really all stems so much deeper than the shower. The shower is just the straw at this point.

Oh, and even though now apparently we 'have' to send an invitation to FMIL's cousin and his family of 6 who live in INDONESIA for work (hello $10 postage), she doesn't want to invite anyone to the shower because she doesn't want to 'impose' on them. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

It's a good thing we're going to be homeless, because now at least we won't have too much stuff to store in our cardboard box in the park.

Ali, Im sorry you are going through this right now, but know that you are not alone. We are all here and some going through different situations than others, but still with drama as well.

Wait so your FMIL isnt inviting anyone to the shower?? But is inviting everyone she knows to the wedding?? She really should invite them because then you can make your minimum too anddddd get more gifts along with it Is FMIL helping out with the shower at all?

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Posted by coldasice217

She's inviting her family, but I would say 50% of them are cousins who are OOT, and will not obviously make the flight to come. There's a good number of friends she's choosing not to invite, even though my mother asked her again if there was anyone else to invite. FH is a little pissed at that too, there's one friend in particular, a neighbor across the street, that is the mother of one of his friends who is also invited, and he feels that she should be there because she's known him since he was a child, but she just doesn't want to invite her! Ugh!

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Wow she really needs to stop being picky and if she knows that you are going to fall under your minimum, she needs to just s uck it up and invite her. Hopefully your FH can talk to her and somehow convince her.... thats not cool. So Ali, what about inviting some of the boys to make your minimum or even changing the place? Or is your mother really set on this place?