Bridal Party/ Bridal Shower Drama? (vent)

Has anyone else had a bridal shower yet that one of their girls was not there for?! If so did you knwo why? was it a good reason? or did it leave you questioning your friendship...


I had mine this past weekend and even though it was a surprise I knew about it the whole time (but no one knew that except my mom) anyways.... Not even a week before the party my one bridesmaid is talking to me about everything and we are catching up she talked about going to the city on tuesday and then thursday she has surgery and she will be out of commission for a couple of days... I'm thinking well my party is Saturday so she wont make it... then I catch back up to the SURGERY part... in all the convos I've had with her she's never mentioned this before! And when I ask her if everything is okay I got yes it will be and it's a personal matter (but it's not a boob job) were her words... but that still leaves a lot of unanswered questions... I feel sad that she didn't make it but at the same time I feel betrayed that she is one of my closest friends and she couldn't tell me what was going on! I still don't know what happened she wont tell me. She did call me on saturday and said she was in the hospital and that this was something she needed to have done and the doc wasn't available to do it for another 6 months and she made this sound like a sersious and urgent matter. So on top of one of my 3 bridesmaids not being there my 2 flower girls moved out the country last week so they weren't there! AH!!!! I'm starting to re-question my bridesmaid in her role... she really hasn't done much in supporting my MOH and well neither has my FSIL (bridesmaid #2) but we wont talk about what she did at the shower to upset my MOH. Really girls! can't everyone just play nice!! and get along!!!!!!!!!!!??

I had a shower and a bachlorette party and 3 of my girls weren't there. Oh and my engagement party too!!


I have YET to have my ENTIRE bridal party there together for anything.


My FH didn't get a bachlor party cause his groomsmen didn't plan anything.


I'm upset, and pissed because I picked out the date for my bach party and NO ONE planned shitttt, meanwhile they knew in plenty of advance time, but I am upset that NOT all my girls paid the MOH for the shower, nor did they even send a card......

But I'm not going to stress about it cause the WEDDING day is the most important part.

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Posted by BellaChandella

I had a shower and a bachlorette party and 3 of my girls weren't there. Oh and my engagement party too!!


I have YET to have my ENTIRE bridal party there together for anything.


My FH didn't get a bachlor party cause his groomsmen didn't plan anything.


I'm upset, and pissed because I picked out the date for my bach party and NO ONE planned shitttt, meanwhile they knew in plenty of advance time, but I am upset that NOT all my girls paid the MOH for the shower, nor did they even send a card......

But I'm not going to stress about it cause the WEDDING day is the most important part.

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I am pretty much right there with you.

My shower was the only event YET that my entire bridal party was able to attend, however they did not do much to help in the planning of it (thank God for my family doing tons of the work).

My Bachelorette party (altho I had a freakin blast) only my MOH and 1 BM attended. The other girls involved were just friends

FH 'Bachelor' party is going to be a round of golf this Sunday b/c all his guys were just too 'busy' to plan anything specific. This is after loosing one GM two weeks ago - who had a surgery scheduled for a few months now - but only told us now he won't be able to be IN the wedding --- altho he is planning on attending the wedding
okey dokey .

I justify it in my head daily - that our wedding is obviously a very important part of our lives - for some of us maybe the 'most important' HOWEVER everyone else involved has their own lives/issues that will always take priority over ours.

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Posted by mRm2008

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Posted by BellaChandella

I had a shower and a bachlorette party and 3 of my girls weren't there. Oh and my engagement party too!!


I have YET to have my ENTIRE bridal party there together for anything.


My FH didn't get a bachlor party cause his groomsmen didn't plan anything.


I'm upset, and pissed because I picked out the date for my bach party and NO ONE planned shitttt, meanwhile they knew in plenty of advance time, but I am upset that NOT all my girls paid the MOH for the shower, nor did they even send a card......

But I'm not going to stress about it cause the WEDDING day is the most important part.

---

I am pretty much right there with you.

My shower was the only event YET that my entire bridal party was able to attend, however they did not do much to help in the planning of it (thank God for my family doing tons of the work).

My Bachelorette party (altho I had a freakin blast) only my MOH and 1 BM attended. The other girls involved were just friends

FH 'Bachelor' party is going to be a round of golf this Sunday b/c all his guys were just too 'busy' to plan anything specific. This is after loosing one GM two weeks ago - who had a surgery scheduled for a few months now - but only told us now he won't be able to be IN the wedding --- altho he is planning on attending the wedding
okey dokey .

I justify it in my head daily - that our wedding is obviously a very important part of our lives - for some of us maybe the 'most important' HOWEVER everyone else involved has their own lives/issues that will always take priority over ours.

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Exactly. =)

I have a very small bridal party. I have 3 BM, girls that I considered my best friends, well at least I thought. MY MOH slacked with my shower and it was such a drama that they even had to include FH in it because they didn't want to spend more than a 'certain amount'. These are girls that have great jobs and no responsibilities. It really hurts me to know that they were complaining how much $ they had to put in, but then they have $ to buy expensive phones, 300$ hair extensions, etc. If it wasn't for 1 of my bridesmaids basically taken over and my FH I wouldn't have had a bridal shower. As far as my bach. party I don't want one. I do not want to hear them bitching anymore about $, but they are all begging me to go out clubbing in the city and that's NOT WHAT I WANT . I am very disappointed in them and honestly did not expect it one bit, but like they say weddings bring the true colors of people.

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Posted by jrzygrl

Has anyone else had a bridal shower yet that one of their girls was not there for?! If so did you knwo why? was it a good reason? or did it leave you questioning your friendship...


I had mine this past weekend and even though it was a surprise I knew about it the whole time (but no one knew that except my mom) anyways.... Not even a week before the party my one bridesmaid is talking to me about everything and we are catching up she talked about going to the city on tuesday and then thursday she has surgery and she will be out of commission for a couple of days... I'm thinking well my party is Saturday so she wont make it... then I catch back up to the SURGERY part... in all the convos I've had with her she's never mentioned this before! And when I ask her if everything is okay I got yes it will be and it's a personal matter (but it's not a boob job) were her words... but that still leaves a lot of unanswered questions... I feel sad that she didn't make it but at the same time I feel betrayed that she is one of my closest friends and she couldn't tell me what was going on! I still don't know what happened she wont tell me. She did call me on saturday and said she was in the hospital and that this was something she needed to have done and the doc wasn't available to do it for another 6 months and she made this sound like a sersious and urgent matter. So on top of one of my 3 bridesmaids not being there my 2 flower girls moved out the country last week so they weren't there! AH!!!! I'm starting to re-question my bridesmaid in her role... she really hasn't done much in supporting my MOH and well neither has my FSIL (bridesmaid #2) but we wont talk about what she did at the shower to upset my MOH. Really girls! can't everyone just play nice!! and get along!!!!!!!!!!!??

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Dont stress. Somehow and in some way weddings end up testing people's relationships. At least thats my experience. But dont let anyone bring you down. This day is about you and FH and your marriage- thats it. Enjoy every second of it and dont worry about anyone else!

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Posted by jrzygrl

Has anyone else had a bridal shower yet that one of their girls was not there for?! If so did you knwo why? was it a good reason? or did it leave you questioning your friendship...


I had mine this past weekend and even though it was a surprise I knew about it the whole time (but no one knew that except my mom) anyways.... Not even a week before the party my one bridesmaid is talking to me about everything and we are catching up she talked about going to the city on tuesday and then thursday she has surgery and she will be out of commission for a couple of days... I'm thinking well my party is Saturday so she wont make it... then I catch back up to the SURGERY part... in all the convos I've had with her she's never mentioned this before! And when I ask her if everything is okay I got yes it will be and it's a personal matter (but it's not a boob job) were her words... but that still leaves a lot of unanswered questions... I feel sad that she didn't make it but at the same time I feel betrayed that she is one of my closest friends and she couldn't tell me what was going on! I still don't know what happened she wont tell me. She did call me on saturday and said she was in the hospital and that this was something she needed to have done and the doc wasn't available to do it for another 6 months and she made this sound like a sersious and urgent matter. So on top of one of my 3 bridesmaids not being there my 2 flower girls moved out the country last week so they weren't there! AH!!!! I'm starting to re-question my bridesmaid in her role... she really hasn't done much in supporting my MOH and well neither has my FSIL (bridesmaid #2) but we wont talk about what she did at the shower to upset my MOH. Really girls! can't everyone just play nice!! and get along!!!!!!!!!!!??

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when I first read your post I thought that your bm had to be lying -- if not, why all the secrecy? But stranger things have happened and it's possible she's embarassed about the surgery. Maybe it's in the vaginal area or anal like hemorroids.

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Posted by kori22ny

I have a very small bridal party. I have 3 BM, girls that I considered my best friends, well at least I thought. MY MOH slacked with my shower and it was such a drama that they even had to include FH in it because they didn't want to spend more than a 'certain amount'. These are girls that have great jobs and no responsibilities. It really hurts me to know that they were complaining how much $ they had to put in, but then they have $ to buy expensive phones, 300$ hair extensions, etc. If it wasn't for 1 of my bridesmaids basically taken over and my FH I wouldn't have had a bridal shower. As far as my bach. party I don't want one. I do not want to hear them bitching anymore about $, but they are all begging me to go out clubbing in the city and that's NOT WHAT I WANT . I am very disappointed in them and honestly did not expect it one bit, but like they say weddings bring the true colors of people.

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I had this problem once. I was one of three bm's and the shower would have run us over $1000 each if we had it in a particular venue. I went along with it because it was what the MOH really wanted and I wanted the bride to have a wonderful day. But add in the cost of the dress, shoes, hair, make-up and the expensive luggage that we decided to chip in for and we were easily looking at $2000 each total. Now that's ridiculous.
The shower is an important part of the wedding but I shouldn't have to go broke.
Don't forget too that a lot of people charge those expensive phones and hair extensions and have a ridiculous amount of credit card debt and most venues want cash.

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

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Posted by jrzygrl

Has anyone else had a bridal shower yet that one of their girls was not there for?! If so did you knwo why? was it a good reason? or did it leave you questioning your friendship...


I had mine this past weekend and even though it was a surprise I knew about it the whole time (but no one knew that except my mom) anyways.... Not even a week before the party my one bridesmaid is talking to me about everything and we are catching up she talked about going to the city on tuesday and then thursday she has surgery and she will be out of commission for a couple of days... I'm thinking well my party is Saturday so she wont make it... then I catch back up to the SURGERY part... in all the convos I've had with her she's never mentioned this before! And when I ask her if everything is okay I got yes it will be and it's a personal matter (but it's not a boob job) were her words... but that still leaves a lot of unanswered questions... I feel sad that she didn't make it but at the same time I feel betrayed that she is one of my closest friends and she couldn't tell me what was going on! I still don't know what happened she wont tell me. She did call me on saturday and said she was in the hospital and that this was something she needed to have done and the doc wasn't available to do it for another 6 months and she made this sound like a sersious and urgent matter. So on top of one of my 3 bridesmaids not being there my 2 flower girls moved out the country last week so they weren't there! AH!!!! I'm starting to re-question my bridesmaid in her role... she really hasn't done much in supporting my MOH and well neither has my FSIL (bridesmaid #2) but we wont talk about what she did at the shower to upset my MOH. Really girls! can't everyone just play nice!! and get along!!!!!!!!!!!??

---

when I first read your post I thought that your bm had to be lying -- if not, why all the secrecy? But stranger things have happened and it's possible she's embarassed about the surgery. Maybe it's in the vaginal area or anal like hemorroids.

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that is what i was thinking. First i thought you were going to say you caught her lying about the surgery. But i have to say that if she had to have surgery then that is a real good reason for her not to attend the shower. Maybe it was a personal matter that she does not want to discuss. It could've been a surgery that had to deal with the vaginal area like mentioned, many girls have to get the procedure of freezing or burning to remove any abnormalities that showed up on a pap smear. Who knows what it could've been. And im sure its something she wanted to get taken care of right away and you cant pick when to have surgery. You do have to go by their schedule whenever they are available. If theres a way you can find out if she really had surgery then maybe do that, and if you find out she really did then i wouldn't be upset, seems like it was very important.

Only 1 bm couldn't make it to my shower. It was one of my cousins. In my bp i had 2 cousins and they are both sisters. My shower was the same day as their best friends shower. So 1 cousin came to mine and the other went to her best friends shower. I understood, and it wasnt their fault it was scheduled the same day. The best friend's mom planned it so not like my cousin had a say in the shower date, they found out when they received an invite.

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

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Posted by kori22ny

I have a very small bridal party. I have 3 BM, girls that I considered my best friends, well at least I thought. MY MOH slacked with my shower and it was such a drama that they even had to include FH in it because they didn't want to spend more than a 'certain amount'. These are girls that have great jobs and no responsibilities. It really hurts me to know that they were complaining how much $ they had to put in, but then they have $ to buy expensive phones, 300$ hair extensions, etc. If it wasn't for 1 of my bridesmaids basically taken over and my FH I wouldn't have had a bridal shower. As far as my bach. party I don't want one. I do not want to hear them bitching anymore about $, but they are all begging me to go out clubbing in the city and that's NOT WHAT I WANT . I am very disappointed in them and honestly did not expect it one bit, but like they say weddings bring the true colors of people.

---

I had this problem once. I was one of three bm's and the shower would have run us over $1000 each if we had it in a particular venue. I went along with it because it was what the MOH really wanted and I wanted the bride to have a wonderful day. But add in the cost of the dress, shoes, hair, make-up and the expensive luggage that we decided to chip in for and we were easily looking at $2000 each total. Now that's ridiculous.
The shower is an important part of the wedding but I shouldn't have to go broke.
Don't forget too that a lot of people charge those expensive phones and hair extensions and have a ridiculous amount of credit card debt and most venues want cash.

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I totally agree with what you are saying and trust me I consider myself not selfish AT ALL. I would NEVER ask to have it at a specific place. I never asked what I wanted I left it up to them. I would have been happy if it was in my backyard. The point is that they knew they were going to be BM for over a year and knew that with being a BM comes expense. SO why decide a month and half before my wedding that they have no $ to do it, they didn't even bother calling places and get an estimate ( I know this for a fact). I didn't need to find out about this I even said I prefer not to have anything. I felt horrible making them go broke because of me. At the end each didn't even pay $300 because FH paid the rest and it was done att a decent restaurant.