Bridal Party Drama

I am literally at the end of my rope and I am sorry that this will prbably be long. I have had TONS of problems with my bridal party. Last August, we went dress shopping. I let them pick the dress that way it was something they all liked and in their price range. I thought that was fair. I know my friends are not Rockefeller and tried to minimize costs as much possible- I am allowing them to all wear black, open toe shoes. I said they don't have to be the same, just black and open toe since most women have that at home already. I had 2 girls tell me, no, they were wearing closed toe heels because they like them better and aren't buying new shoes. I let it slide and said OK. I said I saw a picture of a hairstyle that looked really pretty with the little pearls. I was told no by some girls again. Let it slide. My MOH and 2 BMs who are my best friend decided they wanted everything that was going to happen at my bachelorette party to be a suprise. I said ok cool- thought it would be fun. Well, I wanted my Bach Party to be April 30th as that is when my FHs is. That was my ONLY request. That insued a fight with one of my really good friends because she wanted it to be April 2nd since she wanted to go away with her boyfriend the weekend of the 30th. A lot of screaming, arguing, yelling, etc. I finally decided it wasn't worth it and agreed to have it on the 2nd to which she agree to have it the 30th. I said just leave it the 2nd. My MOH emailed the whole BP and told them 3 ideas she had, everyone voted for a limo into the city to go to some places which I still don't know where there are. Everyone agreed, my MOH booked it. On Tuesday I get an email- not even a phone call from one of my BMs telling me my wedding is costing her too much money and my MOH wants everyone to contribute $80 towards to my bachelorette party and the most she contribute is $20 and she doesn't think thats fair seeing as she still has to contribute towards my shower, as well as giving me a shower gift and a wedding gift. And she doesn't feel she should be forced to pay anything and I should tell my MOH that. I thought it was so rude to throw having to buy me a gift in my face as well as putting me in the middle of this. So, that was one person who backed out. Then my FH's cousin decides she lives in the city and doesn't want to pay towards the limo- my MOH offered 1/2 price since she would still ride in the limo while in the city and drink. Nope, doesn't want to do that either. So, she said she will only go to dinner and then leave. Now, today, after everything was booked last weekend, MY 2 cousins decide that they won't use the limo either since they live in Queens. I was so EMBARRASSED that my family is causing problems now too. I really thought my MOH was going to break today and I felt so bad. I have literally been sick to my stomach since yesterday and crying today because my one BM with the $20 is saying that my wedding costs her too much and she will pull out. Its 2 months away!! The ONLY thing I requested the girls to get is a DRESS which was under $200. I think it is so shi**y that, aside from a select few, my 'friends' can't just humor me for one day- ONE DAY wear open toe shoes like I ask.....and its even more shi**y about my bachelorette party and I am SURE there are problems about my shower. One of my BMs isn't participating in my shower or bachelorette party because she doesn't have enough money. She just bought herself a BRAND NEW JEEP though when her other one was only 2 years old. AND I participated for her wedding last year, as well as both my cousins, WITH NO PROBLEMS. And they required matching, dyed shoes, same hair, hair clips, same jewelry, etc. It just *****. My parents were really upset to see me so upset and my Dad pointed out that I am always the one to plan everyone's birthdays, etc. yet no one can just keep it shut and not make me feel guilty over my own bachelorette party. My Dad offered to foot the whole bill for my bachelorette party so it won't fall through and my FH offered to contribute money from his towards mine, but I would rather cancel it than pay for people to go for free who are making this all complicated. At this point, I should go out for dinner or whatever with the select few who are causing no problems. At least I know they actually care.....

Sorry for it so long, but that vent was A LONG time coming!!

I'm sorry you're going through this. It totally baffles me that people can be so selfish some times. I say you cancel that big to the city trip and just go out with your closest friends to a near by restaurant and then go to a club or something. Tell everyone else if they want to be there then they can meet you there. Tough if they don't like it.

That one I can't get over. How dare she say that to you. You could always tell her where to stick that gift!!

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Posted by jpavig

I'm sorry you're going through this. It totally baffles me that people can be so selfish some times. I say you cancel that big to the city trip and just go out with your closest friends to a near by restaurant and then go to a club or something. Tell everyone else if they want to be there then they can meet you there. Tough if they don't like it.

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I agree, cancel the big city trip and have dinner and clubbing with yoiur closest friends. You don't need all that stress.

OMG Peanut I am SO SORRY!! I can't believe that they're being like that!! It's so petty and ridiculous and you know what? You're right - it's one day and you are being VERY accomodating. $20.00 per person for a bachelorette party??? Is she really kidding me and $80.00 is actually a very good price!! If money was such a HUGE issue then she should have thought this out to begin with. I'm really sorry - this is suppose to be special and fun for you....
sometimes i think that all the girls on here for that month should just get together and have ours together!!!

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I still haven't decided on my bridal party because I know my two cousins will give me too many problems.

But they're family and I need to include them in some way...

I know I'm late (only 4 months to go), so I'm going nuts here too.

I'm so sorry to here that too. Maybe cancelling the city trip is a good idea, or just have you FH pay for the BM who pulled out so that your MOH and other BM aren't spending too much. I wouldn't let them ride in the limo though.

Some people are just idiots. sorry they are putting you in the middle of all this

I am so sorry! I just do not get what the big deal is at all when it comes to these things with BP. It doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable and I'm only sorry you don't have more support on this one! And you DEFINITELY should not have been put in the middle!

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Posted by OctBride05

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Posted by jpavig

I'm sorry you're going through this. It totally baffles me that people can be so selfish some times. I say you cancel that big to the city trip and just go out with your closest friends to a near by restaurant and then go to a club or something. Tell everyone else if they want to be there then they can meet you there. Tough if they don't like it.

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I agree, cancel the big city trip and have dinner and clubbing with your closest friends. You don't need all that stress.

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ditto ditto!

i am so sorry they are spoiling it for you, but you see their true colors and at least you can celebrate with the ones who are being just to you. i am sorry for the pain its caused you though. i would just go to dinner and enjoy a bottle of wine with my close girlfriends and then move on to looking forward to your wedding!!!!

I am so sorry for you. The way these girls are behaving is appalling. This is your wedding and they should be happy to be participating.

If I were you, I would ask all the one causing so many problems to step down because they obviously don't want to be a part of it and are making you so unhappy.

PS - that is why my bridal party was kept to my immediately family.

I am in the same boat and thought I was not going to let it get to me about the BP but by the time I finished your post I was bawling. AND I AM AT WORK!
So now i ran to the bathroom to collect myself!!!

I feel a little better now.

It's so true. When you go through this wedding planning experience, you find out who really cares about you, and who could give a rat's a-s about you when it interferes with them. My DFH and I have learned our lesson - and it's not like we don't love some of our family and friends any less - but we certainly will count on some of them a lot less. The best you can hope for is a few people who will be there for you no matter what - and those people are your true gifts in life, I think.

Why do some women morph into psychos once they are in a bridal party? I don't get it!!

I say go with the intimate dinner

Hang in there!

Thanks for all the advise and warm thoughts ladies. It means a lot to know I can always have you girls to listen and know I am not crazy!! haha

I truly did hit rock bottom with it yesterday. I contacted my MOH and told her she really needed to handle this as I had nothing to with the organizing or planning and if girls have problems, they need to go to her. I then contacted the girls who were having problems and told them, I completely understand where they are coming from, but unfortunately anything that has been booked is out of my hands as I had nothing to do with planning and they should take it up with MOH. I explained very nicely that I am stressed out to the max as it is between work, wedding stuff, construction on the house, etc etc. I tried to be as nice as possible and listen to their problems but still, for once, stick up for myself and say it needed to be handled by MOH. Hopefully it worked.