I have no idea who to have in my bridal party. I am not that close with my family members, and I am having problems picking amongst my friends. I am closer to my new friends but my friends that I've had for years might feel offended if I don't include them. I feel guilty not to include them since they included me in theirs but the fact of the matter is that we grew apart. I'm considering not having a bridal party at all
FallBride2010
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
This is your wedding and you should do what makes you happy. My friend was married 2 yrs ago...she chose to only include her high school friends...despite her college friends having her in their wedding...no one was offended. People will understand that you cant include everyone you know in the wedding. I totally feel your pain. I wanted to keep my party small...but had 6 people I wanted to include...and now I am feeling the pressure to include FH's sister even though she doesnt like me. Dont stress and do what makes you feel happy. It's YOUR day!!!
KPetekie
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
I felt just as stressed about the bridal party when I first got engaged. I was afraid of hurting people's feelings/ excluding people.... all that stuff. I don't know how long you have been engaged, but the first two months are really annoying because everyone is always telling you how you should do your wedding and forcing ideas upon you. I was afraid to offend anyone so I was trying to please everyone. Finally, I realized that I can't make this person happy without making that person upset... which extended to choosing my bridal party. In the end, you need to go with your gut and do what you really want. As I see it you have some options:
1. Include the old friends- Maybe this will bring you back together 2. Include the new friends- They have been more supportive lately 3. Include them all- I ended up just including everyone I thought I should have and I have 10. I know thats a little outrageous but I feel better and it was the right choice for me. I couldn't choose a maid of honor between my three sisters so I just chose them all. Its not conventional but it made works for me. If you have a large party, just be aware that that means more gifts and a bigger limo so more $.
Whatever you do, make sure that everything you decide to do for your wedding is what you want because its YOUR wedding and your friends will understand.
hapebride09
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
I agree, this is your wedding do what makes you happy..your friends will understand!! One piece of advice though, I would really think about it especially if you have some time, really think who will be supportive of you, will not give you a hard time, and has always been positive of your relationship with your fiance! :)
meara
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
I just ended up choosing some friends who were new (in the scheme of things) meaning not college, or hs. I just felt who has been closest to me as of the last 5 or so years and would be most excited to help out/share this with me. I don't know. it's hard but I just tried to think about what would feel right. . it's so indiv. .who makes you smile when you think about them being there
jtgarsik
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
i took my time with choosing....we were engaged in November...and I probably didn't actually ask my bridesmaids untill january. You have a LOT of time...Don't stress about it, and do what ur heart tells you to do. LISTEN TO YOU. I had my mother trying to tell me to have certain people, friends too.... in the end i did what i felt was right. I will say - sometimes the drama is just un-avoidable...and that's where u just have to let it roll off ur back. CHOOSE to enjoy this time! Weddings bring out the best & the worst in people, the pretty & the ugly...and it sux to say this, but it's only the beginning lol. U have to remind urself that at the end of the day - this is YOUR wedding..not theirs..and when all is said and done, they'll get over it (and trust me..they do)...and they'll only finally get it when it's their day.
hogie2be
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
Your friends will be friends with you regardless of their bp status... my friends have such busy lives and some are having weddings of their own...I decided the best way to relieve stress was to keep it simple... I have a MOH (my sister) and he has a BM (his brother) and we have flower girls and ring bearers... if it was up to me I would just have had the kids but i had to give FH something!
HTH
111508Bride
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
Posted by jtgarsik
i took my time with choosing....we were engaged in November...and I probably didn't actually ask my bridesmaids untill january. You have a LOT of time...Don't stress about it, and do what ur heart tells you to do. LISTEN TO YOU. I had my mother trying to tell me to have certain people, friends too.... in the end i did what i felt was right. I will say - sometimes the drama is just un-avoidable...and that's where u just have to let it roll off ur back. CHOOSE to enjoy this time! Weddings bring out the best & the worst in people, the pretty & the ugly...and it sux to say this, but it's only the beginning lol. U have to remind urself that at the end of the day - this is YOUR wedding..not theirs..and when all is said and done, they'll get over it (and trust me..they do)...and they'll only finally get it when it's their day.
This is the honest truth...I have gone through the past year of being engaged without a single issue with the bridal party...until now...and it turns out the one I have been friends with the longest is causing the most heartache.......
DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY! Good luck!
MrsL2010
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
I am having mostly family in mine, but I did include one 'newer' friend.....not from h.s. or college. my college friends are mature enough and are actually relieved that they dont' need to spend money on a dress, alterations, etc.
BoxOfRocks
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
If your wedding is in 2012, you have tons of time to decide. Wait till much closer to your date. You have to do what's right for you in terms of picking your party, whether you don't have one at all or do have one.
JSG10506
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
Don't feel guilty, you have enough to worry about when planning a wedding, and you shouldn't have to worry about this also. If someone is your friend/family then they should understand and not be offended when they aren't included IN the wedding, and should be thrilled just to be able to be a part of your special day as a guest!
I have a lot of people of course I'd love to include, but how I'm choosing my BP is I'm including the people who have been there for me through the good and bad and of whom I consider my BEST friends.
Don't worry about hurting people, because they really should not be hurt if they aren't included, they should be thrilled to be a guest at your wedding! You have your reasons for choosing who you choose, and people should respect that.
Deeglasser
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
Posted by mzmahagony
I have no idea who to have in my bridal party. I am not that close with my family members, and I am having problems picking amongst my friends. I am closer to my new friends but my friends that I've had for years might feel offended if I don't include them. I feel guilty not to include them since they included me in theirs but the fact of the matter is that we grew apart. I'm considering not having a bridal party at all
i am not having a bridal party, just my brother and his sister as our 'honor attendants' and i have several reasons why we decided no... i think not having one isn't a bad idea!!!
SummerBride10
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
Take your time choosing- you dont want to regret it later. You can always just have MOH if your really close to one girl or no bridal party at all- either wya its your wedding so do what makes you happy!
DeeDee1013
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
I asked my best friend from college to be my MOH.
My DH picked his best friend from college to be his BM.
We have been out of college for a long time.
There wasn't any one else that we REALLY wanted to ask, so it was just the four of us.
SFAR89
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
Definitely take the girls advice in this thread. I just wanted to add that, I asked my sister to be my MOH and I wish I hadn't.
She is younger than me (just turned 23) and she has done NOTHING to act like a MOH. She doesn't know what to do and she doesn't take any initiative to try and help with anything.
So, you see, I asked my sister to be nice b/c she is my SISTER, but it turned out horrible. I should've asked my cousin b/cs he has done more for me than my sister has this whole time.
I would definitely decide on who will be there to help you out and actually be a bridesmaid. Take that into consideration as well. Good Luck hun.
RockysGirl
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
don't feel like you have to invite somebody to be in your bridal party just because you were in theirs. I was asked to be my cousin's bridesmaid 8 years ago and she wasn't at all insulted when I didn't ask her to be in mine. It's not that big a deal.
And you can do whatever when it comes to the size of it. Big, small... it's whatever you want. i've seen it where people just have a maid of honor and bestman and that's it. And it's beautiful that way.
sharivera
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
Posted by Deeglasser
Posted by mzmahagony
I have no idea who to have in my bridal party. I am not that close with my family members, and I am having problems picking amongst my friends. I am closer to my new friends but my friends that I've had for years might feel offended if I don't include them. I feel guilty not to include them since they included me in theirs but the fact of the matter is that we grew apart. I'm considering not having a bridal party at all
i am not having a bridal party, just my brother and his sister as our 'honor attendants' and i have several reasons why we decided no... i think not having one isn't a bad idea!!!
We aren't having a bridal party either... who needs the headache and added stress..its stressful enough planning the whole wedding. I'm having my daughter maid of honor .. and his best friend is his best man...
CMBove
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Re: Bridal Party Drama
its your wedding, you have to be happy.
I ended up choosing my two sisters, my twin is the MOH (she basically picked herself :P)- she was like, I am going to be your MOH, right? I made her wait 2 months
I chose 2 HS friends and two grad school friends and one of my college friends is on the boys side.
I could have chosen quite a few people, but I didn't want a HUGE party and these people were just right. I feel blessed they are in my life.
