Bridal Shower ANGER

This is an update on my sons July wedding. If you all remember the story about my dramatic story about going for the tuxes with my son, how his FW told me off in the store, Well ladies, heres a new one.

Being that my son and I live upstate NY, my daughter (who is a BM) and I were planning a bridal shower for the bride to be down on LI with our family. Knowing that we did not have to do this, but out of the kindness of my/our hearts, we wanted her to have a shower with our family. After the tux drama, we cancelled it. My son called me a child, so ok thats the way you see it. Fine!

WELL, last Wednesday, I had reveice an invitation to her bridal shower which is being held up here. I called my daughter, she han't received it. Here it is Sunday, still nothing. So when my son called me for Mothers Day, I asked about it and said that his ONLY sister and ONLY grandmother DID NOT recieve theirs and if he knew anything about it. His comment was 'mom, i really don't know anything about the shower but wasn't that the purporse of you having the shower down there forher so they could come? I guess they felt they wouldn't come, I don't know'....
SO, now my daughter, my mother and none of our family was invitied except me.

My daughter is flipping roaring angry, my mother will be extremely hurt and crushed. He is her only grandson. My family is NOT invited. After having a long discussion with my daughter, I will not be attending either. How dare they NOT to invite the Groomes only sister and only grandmother.

Can you all beleive this? Its just yet another dislike and tasteless action on the bride and her familys part.
It will be their loss. I was making the a quilt, honeymoon scrapbook, wedding photo album and the things that my daughter were getting, now they are getting nothing.

Have any of you ever heard of such a thing?

I think that is very nice of you to hold her a shower.

Has she met your family before? When my mom threw my shower, to be honest it was only my family and not Dale's. Although we did invite his mom, sister and Aunt who lives in Canada. I have only met Dale's mom, dad and sister. I have never met anyone else in his family. So we did not invite them. I did not want it to be awkward for me and them.

Just something on the flip side.

My mom said she was going to beat me to posting and she sure did.

Yes, sad but true, as my brother's only sister (and a BM), and our only grandmother were not invited to her shower. She has met our family numerous times, so the excuse of she doesn't know our family does not fly. I could not attend the shower anyway but was going to send a very nice gift for her to open and a digital camera for my brother to open, but now I'm not sending anything. I will still get the camera but will give it to my brother when we go up for the wedding and politely say that it was supposed to be a shower gift but since I didn't get an invitation.....

We have not told my grandmother that she is not invited yet. Just the other day she was telling me that she and my grandfather were going to drive up the week of the shower and stay for a few days and was planning what she was going to get them. As my mother said, she will be crushed....we are the only two grandchildren and she already feels that this girl has changed her grandson.

It's so sad that we're all counting the weeks til the wedding, but not because we're excited, but because we can't wait for it to be over.

Reguardless if it sent a message or not, this is still his family. Yes, my daughter and mom lives on LI but comeup here often.

My son does know the reasoning of us canceling the shower down there, which was a very difficult decission for us to do.

Her disrespect for his family, and for me is certainly uncalled for. If you try to do a search on the boards and read what has occured in the past, you'll probalby get a better view of the situation.

I am sorry you are going through this. Nothing warrants not inviting the grooms sister and grandmother.

I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your whole family and FDIL. Things are hectic now, with a wedding. What happens when she gets pregnant? She seems to have a spiteful streak in her and this will only get worse if not addressed.

You are his mother, and even though you have been treated horribly, I think you should try to make peace, for the future of your family. Again, there is no excuse for what she did, but you have to think how this feud will affect you and your family in the future.

Again, I am so sorry you are this situation. No one deserves to go through this when their son is getting married.

shelly3950:
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT!!!!!
My daughter and I feel the exact same way. For some reason she does have a mean streak in her and for what ever reason, We don't know why.

I'm not trying to pin medals on, but I'm a good person. I've tried to support something that I'm not thrilled with as they are young. They haven't expreienced life yet, yet alone, marriage.

You can't sit down with either one of them, they don't see the light of anything. He is my only son and an only brother and grandson.
He should realize this way before things had gotten to the point their at now.

Im so sorry this is happening to you.


Just wanted to back up the idea of sitting down with the whole family and then sitting down with just those two alone. Make it stupid and make it clear. You love your son and he is your only son.

My very own, only brother got married to a woman who barely asked me to be a BM and we wont start on the lack of involvement with her bridal shower, bach party and so forth. Or the way she treated me during the wedding, lets just say “servant, slave”. It was humiliating.

She did have a baby. That baby is my only nephew and my father’s only grandson. There was a picture of the four generations. My grandfather, My dad, My brother and my nephew. It was touching. But she made it clear that was all we were going to get. To this day my father wishes so much to see his nephew more. But pride keeps them apart. Hell Dad even moved to IOWA to be closer to his grandson he never gets to see now.

As the sister in a different state I see this and I can tell you this. You’d think they would BOTH know better, but it doesn’t happen like that. I sound like a broken record to my SIL. I am his only sister, period. Over and over I lay my claim on my own brother and what I can on my nephew because the sad thing is, she makes it clear that she and ONLY she has the right to take my nephew away from my family. Afterall she’s the mother.

It hurts. But I can tell you if you want to maintain a relationship with your son, you’re going to have to swallow some pride here. Be the bigger woman. She is (to me from what you’ve said) VERY VERY wrong in her actions. But no matter what, she’ll still be your daughter in law and be married to your only son. Showing scorn and dislike isn’t going to make this easier.

Good Luck.

There are always two sides to a story, and like many I don't know the whole story.

I sympathize with your frustration, however the only way to get through it is to reconcile. I'm sure there are things that the bride/groom is frustrated with. I don't know the tux fiasco, but I sense resentment. From both parties. Maybe they're difficult with you because you're not entirely happy with their relationship moving so quickly - being that they are too young, in your eyes.

I suggest that you put EVERYTHING on the table. Talk to your son, and his fiancé, and make sure no one gets up until everything is absolultely resolved. I believe you mentioned that one can't sit with them, because they don't see the light of anything... try a different approach. Not sure if you're screaming at them, or being absolultely polite. Just try not to add fire to the situation, and listen to what they have to say. If they're completely honest I'm sure that you'll find out something you didn't know before (good or bad).

Good luck.

I am just wondering .. have you called the other side and asked them where the invites are? Your post did not say. Maybe it's an actual mistake. From reading this and the other of your posts - I know it seems unlikely.

I just want to say that you shouldn't get bent outta shape before you get actual confirmation of the facts from their side of the fence. Once you have that.. you have a better place to stand and shoot from!

Altho - I must agree that it sounds like way past time for a serious cards-on-the-table sit down talk with everyone involved.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened but that is not right. Your daughter, grandma and you have every right to be upset!

hmm janine hon this gal sounds like a real prize - sorry to be frank here but what the hell?
sounds like she is being mean and vindictive- i feel sorry for your family and i dont know what is up with your brother - he needs to say something to his fw - and if you are a bridesmaid you should have been included in any plans -
is he sure this gal is right ?
JMO as always

Well I def feel for You and Your Family. Believe Me You are not alone. I think it is in EVERY FAMILY!!! Take it from Experience do not keep quiet about Your feelings. Let Your son and His FW know exactly how You feel. Let Her know that this is Your Son and You, Your Daughter and Your Mother are extremly hurt and bothered by Her actions. Do not hold it in because that does not solve anything and it only bottles up.

This Girl sounds like She is inconsiderate, spiteful and very insecure!!! Tell Her You demand the same respect Your Son gives to Her Family!!! Also it is not only Her fault You need to talk this over with Your Son. If He is allowing this to happen then He is just as bad as Her!! (Sorry)