Soooo... I'm a bridesmaid and seem to be the only bridesmaid helping the bride do anything. The MOH is out of town and the others are just very hands off. I had originally thought the MOB was paying for the shower and just got an e-mail from her saying that she looked up bridal etiquette and said its inappropriate for her to pay and that the bridesmaids should do it... But I'm not the maid of honor and don't want to plan it myself, nor pay for it myself and the other bridesmaids are already worried about money with the dress. I don't know what to do especially because the bride has picked where she wants her shower to be and its about $30 per person and wants about 60 people.
What do I do?
FutureWifey
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
Be honest.. first with the mother and the bridesmaids. Then, if necessary (only if necessary)... with the bride.
My mom keeps throwing the whole 'etiquette' thing at me and I'm like 'well.. thats out the window because FH and I are paying for the wedding.. not you.'
Mothers......
pjc92980
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
eeekk thats a tough situation. i would sit down with the bride and explain to her that you are having some trouble determining the finances for the shower (tell her about her mom and also about the other BM and explain what your other wedding costs are). I would then ask her if she is open to having it somewhere else to save money and perhaps you can put together a shower at a house...that is what my girls did for me. they are spending about $500 on food for 40 people and thats it. hopefully the bride will be open to the idea of changing the shower venue
Jmrosa1
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
I also think that it is a good idea to talk to the bride too as the last bride said. It is not fair of her to pick a venue at $30 per person with 60 people when all BM are being hands off. You need be honest about the situation, and then figure out if there are other options to hold the shower. Maybe should would understand knowing the situation. Good Luck!
Mici n KC
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
There are a lot of things that might have been etiquette per say, but aren't anymore. My parents paid for my shower. Yes, being in a bridal party costs money, but when showers are being held in restaurants and not in someone's home it's a lot more costly.
Irishbride16
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
That is pretty crazy...not fair and i would hate to say it but they MOB does pay of the bridal shower ( she really needs a book to understand ) but every wedding that i been in and its been four or five and MOB always payed for the shower...but i would either get the MOH email or phone # and call her to tell her what is going on b/c she the one that should be talking to the MOB >> good luck
jooney77
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm definitely not an etiquette expert, but from what I understand, the MOB usually pays for the shower, and the bridesmaids usually help with the planning (guest list, room setup/decorations, etc). You're the one making the effort here, and the MOB should appreciate it.
I hope it works out--please keep us posted (no pun intended)!
lindseynaggle
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
I have been a MOH twice, once the mothers (MOB and MOG) paid, so we had it at a restaurant. The second was all on the BMs, so we had it at a house and cooked ourselves. Hope this doesn't sound rude, but 'bridal etiquette' also states that the bride does not plan her own shower, so you should be able to have it where you girls decide.
monamiestephanie
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Re: Bridal Shower (I'm a bridesmaid for this one)
I've been a MOH twice, and the MOB paid for and hosted both. The same went for mine. I would definitely have a serious discussion with the MOB and bridesmaids first, and, if necessary, speak to the bride. However, I wouldn't bring her in unless absolutely necessary because it'd be another thing for her to worry about! Good luck!
