good morning girls, so... My mother has been on this shower kick for the past week! like REALLY REALLY annoying! she calls me at work, im's me (at work) calls me while I'm teaching a dance class, calls me while I'm meeting with vendors, brings it up the second I wake up in the morning and then again when I walk in the house after work.. She keeps asking for a list of guests, she wants to know who's contributing, where I want it and all these other questions... hi, I'm not getting married till October, I dont think the shower should be until August, that means that she doesn't have to start planning till like April or May... but she wants to have an idea of how much $$ she needs and how many people are being invited, ok I understand.. but I don't have the answers just yet. I tell her this (more then once) EVERYDAY... I have enough on my plate right now and the shower is one of the last things I want to worry about. PLUS... I SHOULDN'T be planning it. My MOH and I have discussed the shower in the past, and FH knows what I want.. I tell my mother I want a brunch with mimosas.. thats all I really care about. I dont care what day, what the decor looks like or anything else. She keeps bringing it up and when I tell her I don't know she gets mad at me and starts so I tell her I don't want a shower! its not that important to me.. so she says 'fine you spoiled bridezilla' then the next day she'll call me at work and bring it up again! meanwhile I KNOW she's talking with my MOH on sunday, (my mother leaves her email open, so I got to see their convo).. and thats the other thing, my mother emailed my MOH sunday night around 11.... monday morning around 10:30 she calls me at work to tell me she hasn't heard back from MOH... um hi mom, she doesn't live on the computer, she's a teacher, she goes to bed early and has to be at the school early... so I had to text moh and ask her to check her email when she had time, which was 7:30p that night.. yea my mother wasn't happy about waiting so long to hear back. now yesterday my mother was at her friends house, she was home by the time I got home from work and.. yup brings up the shower, then she goes on to tell me 'EVERYONE (yea ONE person) says that the bridal party pays for the shower, not the MOB'... so I said 'ok' so she goes on to tell me that she wants me to contact my maids and tell them they have to chip in... yea.. NO! I haven't even ASKED all my bm's to BE bm's... AND I know at least one of them is having financial issues, I'm not going to ask her to pay for a shower...
ok, sorry I'm venting, not asking.... so QUESTIONS:
how do I get my mother to drop the subject? how do I bring this up to my BMs WHEN I ask them to be a BM? Who is paying for your shower? are YOU planning it or are you totally out of it?
there's so much more, but I don't want to bore you girls and I think I babbled enough.
brittndave
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
1. i think you should tell your mom you want it to be a surprise and that you don't want to be involved in the planning. 2. i would leave it up to your mom to ask them to contribute. she wants them to pay for stuff so she should ask them to! 3. i dunno who is paying for my shower bc i know nothing about it -- i don't think it's being planned yet
AdriandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
First off, and I don't want to sound rude or anything, but give your mother a break. My mom was/is on the bridal shower kick too and I'm getting married the month before you. For our time, if you don't want it in the middle of the summer things need to be figured out now b/c restaurants get booked up fast if you wait too long w/Communions, Confirmations, Graduations, other Bridal Showers, Retirements, End of school parties etc. If you are ok with it in the middle of the summer your still competeing with graduation parties and all the teachers getting married. Second, it is your responsibility to give your mother the shower guest list. Third, I think it's time you ask your BP. I'm the first person to say don't ask them too early. But I was told that for a Sept wedding the BM dresses need to be ordered by April the latest. So for you it would be May. But it's going to take awhile for everyone to get together and find dresses and then find good prices for them. So i'd get on that. Fouth, if your mom is really interseted in the shower there is no way to get her to drop it. If it's annoying you then yes her to death and let her talk about it. There are some brides who are 100% involved in the planning and others who are 100% not involved. It all depends. I would rather not be involved at all and do have to remind my mother of that time to time. But there's no way for her to totally drop it. She should be in contact with your MOH about all the planning and paying. Perhaps your mom can pay for the place itself (food, drinks, tip etc) and the BP can take care of the rest (favors, invites, games, decor). If she doesn't wanna be in contact with your MOH then have her talk to your FH.
kerber981
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
I'm sorry...but I think it's sweet that she's so interested and excited. Okay...it might be overkill but if you ruin her mood, she might go in the opposite direction (meaning, not care any more). So I'm just saying...be careful raining on her parade!
flibbertigibbet
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
hate to say it but i just had this convo with FH last night.
be glad your mom is being annoying.
there are some people out there (ahem, me) whose mothers are comletely unenthused, uninterested and just plain a letdown with this whole thing.
if she wants a guest list. tell her 'okay mom ill work on it. is it okay if i get a VAGUE IDEA of the list by the end of february?'
and tell her 'i haven't asked all my BMs yet to be in the bridal party because i'm not sure but some of the girls i'm thinking of dont have a lot of money so i dont feel right sticking them with it.'
and 'if you want to throw a shower, thats great. i'd really love it and appreciate it. i'm not picky though! if i had to choose, i'd love to have it be a brunch and I LOVE LOVE LOVE mimosas so that'd be great. but anything else will be fine. i trust your judgement. aside from that, i think it'd be fun to be suprised. so maybe you shouldn't tell me anymore details?'
MikesBride2B
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
Posted by AdriandSteve
First off, and I don't want to sound rude or anything, but give your mother a break. My mom was/is on the bridal shower kick too and I'm getting married the month before you. For our time, if you don't want it in the middle of the summer things need to be figured out now b/c restaurants get booked up fast if you wait too long w/Communions, Confirmations, Graduations, other Bridal Showers, Retirements, End of school parties etc. If you are ok with it in the middle of the summer your still competeing with graduation parties and all the teachers getting married. Second, it is your responsibility to give your mother the shower guest list. Third, I think it's time you ask your BP. I'm the first person to say don't ask them too early. But I was told that for a Sept wedding the BM dresses need to be ordered by April the latest. So for you it would be May. But it's going to take awhile for everyone to get together and find dresses and then find good prices for them. So i'd get on that. Fouth, if your mom is really interseted in the shower there is no way to get her to drop it. If it's annoying you then yes her to death and let her talk about it. There are some brides who are 100% involved in the planning and others who are 100% not involved. It all depends. I would rather not be involved at all and do have to remind my mother of that time to time. But there's no way for her to totally drop it. She should be in contact with your MOH about all the planning and paying. Perhaps your mom can pay for the place itself (food, drinks, tip etc) and the BP can take care of the rest (favors, invites, games, decor). If she doesn't wanna be in contact with your MOH then have her talk to your FH.
brittndave
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
Posted by AdriandSteve
First off, and I don't want to sound rude or anything, but give your mother a break. My mom was/is on the bridal shower kick too and I'm getting married the month before you. For our time, if you don't want it in the middle of the summer things need to be figured out now b/c restaurants get booked up fast if you wait too long w/Communions, Confirmations, Graduations, other Bridal Showers, Retirements, End of school parties etc. If you are ok with it in the middle of the summer your still competeing with graduation parties and all the teachers getting married. Second, it is your responsibility to give your mother the shower guest list. Third, I think it's time you ask your BP. I'm the first person to say don't ask them too early. But I was told that for a Sept wedding the BM dresses need to be ordered by April the latest. So for you it would be May. But it's going to take awhile for everyone to get together and find dresses and then find good prices for them. So i'd get on that. Fouth, if your mom is really interseted in the shower there is no way to get her to drop it. If it's annoying you then yes her to death and let her talk about it. There are some brides who are 100% involved in the planning and others who are 100% not involved. It all depends. I would rather not be involved at all and do have to remind my mother of that time to time. But there's no way for her to totally drop it. She should be in contact with your MOH about all the planning and paying. Perhaps your mom can pay for the place itself (food, drinks, tip etc) and the BP can take care of the rest (favors, invites, games, decor). If she doesn't wanna be in contact with your MOH then have her talk to your FH.
christine2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
its your responsibility to get the guest list to your mom. its really not that big of a deal, just give her your wedding list & mark off any people you don't want invited. also it took my mom & sister a year to plan my shower. & because of that it was absolutely amazing!!! she will have to look around at places to have it & will have to get an idea of a theme & what not.
also she may have a specific budget she wants to stick to or maybe she doesn't have a budget yet & wants to get an idea of how much its going to cost her.
Im_My_Own_Princess
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
thanks ladies..
yea, I do need to ask my BMs SOON, but FH is standing in the way- please don't ask, I don't want to get into it.
and I did give my mother a GENERAL list but she wants a finalized list...
the thing thats getting me is her NON-STOP asking, like when I'm at work. I've been pretty busy lately... and like I was out of the office the other day and I come back to a note saying 'call your mother, URGENT'... what was the urgent call?? she wanted to see if I made a list yet.
I don't think she wants to know my answers as much as she wants to bug me... (if its not this, then its something else) but with this, there's other people involved... and I just can't deal with it.
EVERYONE has said I shouldn't be involved... and ITA! my MOH has told me to stay out of it... but HOW? block my mothers calls? climb into and out of my bedroom window so she doesn't see me to ask me questions?
I just don't know what to do to get it through to her that I'm just not ready to be doing this. As it is I still have A LOT more things to do- or there won't be a wedding.
thanks girls, and sorry for the constant-downers.. I just need to vent and I know (hope) you girls understand.
Future Mrs H
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
Posted by weddingbees
hate to say it but i just had this convo with FH last night.
be glad your mom is being annoying.
there are some people out there (ahem, me) whose mothers are comletely unenthused, uninterested and just plain a letdown with this whole thing.
______________________________________
So true! This is my mom! My mom has made it clear that she will not have a shower for me- not even a house shower with coffee and cake. I would love for my mom to be as interested in throwing me a shower as your mom. You are quite lucky!
JAAMS
Posted:
Member since
Re: bridal shower questions... and advice needed
Posted by AdriandSteve
First off, and I don't want to sound rude or anything, but give your mother a break. My mom was/is on the bridal shower kick too and I'm getting married the month before you. For our time, if you don't want it in the middle of the summer things need to be figured out now b/c restaurants get booked up fast if you wait too long w/Communions, Confirmations, Graduations, other Bridal Showers, Retirements, End of school parties etc. If you are ok with it in the middle of the summer your still competeing with graduation parties and all the teachers getting married. Second, it is your responsibility to give your mother the shower guest list. Third, I think it's time you ask your BP. I'm the first person to say don't ask them too early. But I was told that for a Sept wedding the BM dresses need to be ordered by April the latest. So for you it would be May. But it's going to take awhile for everyone to get together and find dresses and then find good prices for them. So i'd get on that. Fouth, if your mom is really interseted in the shower there is no way to get her to drop it. If it's annoying you then yes her to death and let her talk about it. There are some brides who are 100% involved in the planning and others who are 100% not involved. It all depends. I would rather not be involved at all and do have to remind my mother of that time to time. But there's no way for her to totally drop it. She should be in contact with your MOH about all the planning and paying. Perhaps your mom can pay for the place itself (food, drinks, tip etc) and the BP can take care of the rest (favors, invites, games, decor). If she doesn't wanna be in contact with your MOH then have her talk to your FH.
Yupppp, what she said are my thoughts exactly! My wedding is in November, and last week I gave my mom a list of possible shower locales, and I'm currently working on giving her a guest list w/ the invitees names/addresses/phone numbers. I think it's never too early to start planning something, ESPECIALLY a party in the summer. Soooo many parties happen in the summer!
