bridal shower---who pays?

lacey&mark Posted: Jul 23, 2005 05:10 PM

bridal shower---who pays?

hello! my sister/moh asked me about this today on our way back from bm shopping with the girls...she was wondering if she is in charge of paying for the shower or if the other bm's chip in. i told her i think they can chip in...but i am not sure how it's usually done. my mom has no financial means to help with the shower or wedding, so thats out. my moh said maybe instead of chipping in they can each be in charge of something...this way for the girls who have less money (like my 2 long time girlfriends who are still in college like me with very little disposable income) can be in charge of something less expensive, like balloons or something. also, i was thinking my fmil could help out bc i think there might be a lot of his female relatives on the guestlist, but my fil's are giving us $10,000 toward the wedding, so i am thinking it wouldn't be right to ask them for anything extra. anyone have any suggestions? thanks girls! ~lacey

pinkstar025 Posted: Jul 23, 2005 05:16 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

i know my mom and sis are plannign mine adn designated a different thing to each girl to be in charged of...what..i dont know...but they just gave out jobs

Goldi1021 Posted: Jul 23, 2005 05:21 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

When my brother remarried, my SIL had only two members in her BP (not me OR my sisters thankfully). We, his sisters, thought it might be nice to make an ovation to help them in any way we could. We ended up doing the decorations and favors which were not cheap. I also made a gorgeous wishing well which was easy at the time because I taught art and had many materials at my disposal. We, the sisters, also flat out TOLD my mother that she might want to contribute a small sum of money and she did graciously. By no means is anyone required to finance a shower but consider some alternatives to an expensive party:

1) Ask around to see if someone has a home large enough that they would be willing to host a shower

2) Consider having family make the food rather than catering (like maybe ziti, salad, meatballs)

3) Consider a brunch type of thing with bagels and salads that you can make.

Personally, I prefer showers in a home because they are personal and no one is rushed. We have made many a shower in my family home and I am sure my mother would host one there but due to water damage in her finished basement, that is not an option.

FTRBRIDE Posted: Jul 23, 2005 07:43 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

It's absolutely fine to ask the bridal party to contribute for the shower...my BMs did it for me, and I've done it for others. I think it should be an expected expense when you agree to be in a BP, and if nobody asks for the money then you got lucky.

My MOH and her mom (who I am very close with) paid for a big chunk, and then the other girls contributed to offset some of the costs.

The days of the mother not paying anything toward the shower are long gone. Although my mom's offer to help was graciously refused, it's totally okay for ANYONE to contribute towards a shower.

tjs Posted: Jul 23, 2005 07:57 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

omg so funny you posted this my sis(moh) is throwing my shower she contacted my FSIL 's who are in the wedding to see if they wanted to chip in and my one SIL freaked and told everybody how rude my sister was to ask them to chip in....can you believe that? i was fuming!!!!!! she is such a B***h, its like hello you are in the wedding!!!!! she has done nothing but give me problems from day 1

lacey&mark Posted: Jul 23, 2005 08:26 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

omg so funny you posted this my sis(moh) is throwing my shower she contacted my FSIL 's who are in the wedding to see if they wanted to chip in and my one SIL freaked and told everybody how rude my sister was to ask them to chip in....can you believe that?

i dont think my girls would freak, but i know its a big financial burden and i sorta feel bad for it! i told my sister i am very happy with a house party, but even those can run up a big bill. sorry your sil isnt being a better bm for ya! btw, i love your dress! i just ordered my capri by maggie this week! mine is slightly different than yours, don't you love how different looking they are? :) ~lacey

littlebookworm4 Posted: Jul 23, 2005 09:28 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

well it's really up to them I think. My mom, 2 of my aunts and my BP are all chipping in for mine

SomethingBlu Posted: Jul 23, 2005 09:41 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

My MOH was clueless as it was her first time, plus she's OCD (like me) so she took care of all the costs. But she did save by:
1) Having FMIL and FSIL cook and bring food
2) Doing her own CP's
3) Hosting the shower at my house
4) Using eBay for my favors and invites

It was awesome and since I had a small BP I guess she figured it was best to do it all herself.

xjulietx Posted: Jul 23, 2005 10:18 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

My mom paid for mine. I have known of showers where the BM's paid, but it all depends on the financial situation.

nov04LIbride Posted: Jul 23, 2005 10:28 PM

Re: bridal shower---who pays?

I don't understand how people expect BMs to contribute a great deal of money for the shower. To me it isn't expected--what's expected is to be there for the bride on her day and help her, not to enter a contractual agreement to shell out at least $1000.

Anyway, mine was at my MILs house. I really don't think it could have cost over $200 all together. My MIL and mom did all the food and MIL did the decorations and wishing well. My BP did not contribute to the party (came and brought gifts of course), and I wouldn't have expected them to.