Bride Discrimination (VENT)

KathleenG Posted: Jan 20, 2004 04:55 PM

Bride Discrimination (VENT)

I can't believe I actually experienced it today!!! I went on a job interview and it was going so well; the job is almost exactly my previous job so I know that I am qualified!!! He seemed to really like me!!! Towards the end, though, it got weird!! He asked if he could ask me a semi-personal question. He asked me if I am getting married any time soon!!! I said yes, in September,and I saw his mouth drop!! He seemed somewhat disappointed and panicked!! He explained to me that it wasn't such a big deal; it was just that he had other women working for him who got married and left!!! If I leave a job, it has to do with me being unhappy NOT married!!! It is so funny, but I did hear negative stories from women having it happen to them!! I purposely didn't wear my pretty ring today for this reason!!
Oh well, I wonder now if I am going to still get it!!!

BoogieDownBride Posted: Jan 20, 2004 04:57 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

That's an illegal question!!!! So sorry you had to go through such a thing.... I know how it is when you're on an interview you want them to like you and you answer whatever questions they ask in the hopes that it'll get you the job, but that was a totally inappropriate question....

xjulietx Posted: Jan 20, 2004 04:58 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

If you weren't wearing your ring, I wonder what made him ask. That was weird.

shamma Posted: Jan 20, 2004 04:58 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

That is not a legal question, but there is nothing you can do now.

KathleenG Posted: Jan 20, 2004 04:59 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

Oh, I know it was an illegal question, but I feel that there is nothing to be ashamed about in getting married!!! The last I heard, there are worse things!!!

ETS: I answer so openly usually because it is something I am proud of!!

KathleenG Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:02 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

I was so unprepared for the question, it really threw me off!!! Now I am thinking I should have handled it differently!!! But how?

karen32 Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:05 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

what field are you in??

one of my previous bosses was like that. when we would get a resume in from a female, the first thing he would do was scan it for time gaps. he assumed anyone out of a job for 9+ or more months, obviously had a baby, so he would chuck out their resumes immediately. he was an idiot!!

KathleenG Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:07 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

It is a real estate management position.

AlisonMT Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:16 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

If you don't get the job, be sure to ask why...and then make sure it's a valid reason. You could totally take this company to court for asking that question in an interview!

alina Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:21 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

Kathleen:
In future interviews, skip wearing your e-ring/wedding band. This should make wedding/marriage a 'non-issue'.

ETA, I work in real estate finance.

KathleenG Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:24 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

I didn't even wear my e-ring for this reason, I wonder how he had the hunch I would be getting married!!!

shamma Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:26 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

Posted by KathleenG

I was so unprepared for the question, it really threw me off!!! Now I am thinking I should have handled it differently!!! But how?

Not saying you aren't proud but you could have asked him if they are looking for married people, or does the job require one to be married??? Turn it back on him. All the best.

KathleenG Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:29 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

Posted by shamma

Posted by KathleenG

I was so unprepared for the question, it really threw me off!!! Now I am thinking I should have handled it differently!!! But how?

Not saying you aren't proud but you could have asked him if they are looking for married people, or does the job require one to be married??? Turn it back on him. All the best.

That would have been a great way to turn it around on him!!! Wish I would have though of it at the time!!!

alina Posted: Jan 20, 2004 05:33 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

Posted by KathleenG

I didn't even wear my e-ring for this reason, I wonder how he had the hunch I would be getting married!!!

Wow, in that case it was pretty good hunch on his end. I like Shamma's response above about turning the question back to him...

yabbobay Posted: Jan 20, 2004 08:41 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

another good response i got from someone on this board was (and this can go with any family question)

whether I am married or not, I will give 100% to this job and make sure I go above and beyond my duties...

that way you don't answer it...you let them know they were wrong...and you turn it into a positive spin for you

unfortunately they could say they didn't hire you b/c they had better chemistry with someone else...it would be very hard to prove anything

KathleenG Posted: Jan 20, 2004 09:03 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

Thanks ladies for all of your responses!!! It put a lot in perspective!! Next time, I will just be better prepared for the question (I just never thought I would get a question like that)!!! Its sad but true!! I believe he was more interested in when I would take the honeymoon, which is ridiculous because this company entitles me to one week for every 6 months and my wedding is in September!! I would be entitled to the week at that point!!

MrsTC Posted: Jan 20, 2004 09:51 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

totally illegal to ask that flat out - but here's a story for you.

I got laid off last January03 and got married in September 03. I started interviewing right away and got a job in April finally. I accepted and wanted to inform my new boss that I would need some time off in September, and of course I was willing to have it as time off unpaid since I was new. Once I said what it was for - my wedding and honeymoon - the new boss 'CHANGED HER MIND'! She literally said to me 'What? Oh, well I do not think this is going to work. I am going to have to retract my offer - I need you here all week, every week - no time off for a while'. I said well, ok if you feel that way - and you know what - I think I am better off! Can you imagine what she would be like to work for!!

ThongLori Posted: Jan 20, 2004 11:43 PM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

I would have asked him --- 'are you?'

Smolokoff Posted: Jan 21, 2004 12:06 AM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

I am sorry you had that happen.

halloweenbride04 Posted: Jan 21, 2004 10:23 AM

Re: Bride Discrimination (VENT)

Agreed....that is a litigious question and cannot be asked on an interview! That's like asking, do you have any serious illness that would make you be absent from work for an extended period of time and eventually leave?