brides maid vent.. need oponions asap!!!

Ok this is going to be long but I really need everyones oponions and advice. Ok one of my bridesmaids is or was my best friend. She lives in florida but when she used to live in NY we were really close did everything togeher. We stayed in touch a lot over the years after she moved, she was dating a realy ******* and I was there for her through everything thing, went to visit her there twice on vacation, we remained close/b/c thats what friends do. Last time she was here was sometime last year. We hung out one friday and had plans that next sat so she could also see my FH. That sat she told me her moms best friends died, I apoligized and asked if she still wanted to hang out. She said yea and she would call me or text me later. Well I got nothing from her that night me and chris waited for her to call and nothing!! She didnt even try to call me before she left to go to florida. I didnt contact her at all then 6 MONTHS LATER which was this oct I got an email from her that she was coming to ny agian. I took the time to tell her I was upset b/c of what she did and that it bothered me that she didnt try to call me or care enough to see how Im doing with wedding stuff and everything. She apoligized for everything- ok fine. She came here agian thankgiving week. She came out with me and my friends on thanksgiving eve. We hung out friday night had plans agian sat night. She just got engaged and her fiance was here and I never met him so me and chris were exited to go out and get to know him better. THey were going to the city during the day and told me to call her after 4 and we would make plans. WELL Icalled her 3 times left a voicmail and a tet message and NOTHING!!! I havent heard from her since. I dont know what to do girls. Its weird b/c when we did hang out it was like old times I didnt get the feeling like she didnt wanna be friends any more so I dont understand how a ' friend' could do this/ I would never in a millian years do this to any of my friends. Even if she couldnt hang out all she has to do is call me and then we coulde have made other plans. Im just soo upset and hurt by this. I know if it was one of you girls saying this my advice would be al negative things and tell you you dont need people like that lol but b/c its me I dont know what to do. Im thinking of emailing her after the holidays basically giving her one last chance. Ohh and the other thing is that fri we went for her BM dress and she madea deposit.. ughhh Im sooo upset over this please help

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Posted by Soon2BMrsC09

i would lay it out there on the line for her. tell her what she did and how it made you feel. if she is a true friend she will see what she did wrong and try and make it right. based on her actions of what she does when you lay it out there, she may apologize or she may think she did nothing wrong. id like to think that she would have wanted to spend more time with you and introduce you to her new FH.. but you guys have had ALOT of time apart (just from reading your OP).. maybe its just the two of you growing apart.. doesnt mean its a bad thing.. time changes people.. but before you speak to her think about what you want to accomplish from the conversation with her. do you really want her to be in your BP? Do you want an apology? Would it be bothering you if she didnt leave a deposit on the dress? Have a game plan of what you want to accomplish before you go into the conversation.. and I wouldnt do it over email or text message.. Phone would probably be your best bet.. no room for miscommunication...

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I here what your saying. I mean I dont think its that we grew apart.. bc that friday she eve said she doesnt have any close friends like me in florida.. thats whats weird. I really do want her in my BP thats why I wanna give her the time to try and make it right . It doesnt bother me that she made the deposit and then did this bcof the wedding.. it bothers me bc how can you agree to my bridesmaid say that you miss me and then go and do this? I will bring these thins up to her bc I could be wrong.. thank you for your advice

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Posted by Soon2BMrsC09

i would lay it out there on the line for her. tell her what she did and how it made you feel. if she is a true friend she will see what she did wrong and try and make it right. based on her actions of what she does when you lay it out there, she may apologize or she may think she did nothing wrong. id like to think that she would have wanted to spend more time with you and introduce you to her new FH.. but you guys have had ALOT of time apart (just from reading your OP).. maybe its just the two of you growing apart.. doesnt mean its a bad thing.. time changes people.. but before you speak to her think about what you want to accomplish from the conversation with her. do you really want her to be in your BP? Do you want an apology? Would it be bothering you if she didnt leave a deposit on the dress? Have a game plan of what you want to accomplish before you go into the conversation.. and I wouldnt do it over email or text message.. Phone would probably be your best bet.. no room for miscommunication...

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I completely agree! There isn't much more for me to say because you said it best!

If you still want her as a friend and a BM you are going to have to tell her how you are feeling... You need to ask yourself if her friendship is worth it at this point. From the way it sounded in the post, I don't think you are ready to give up on your friendship so I definitely think you should talk to her!! IMO honesty is always best in situations like this and hopefully your conversation will be able to shed some light as to why she has been acting so strange lately.. HTH!

As I am reading this, all I can think of is that she travels from Florida. So maybe she said she'd hang out but there were family members and other people she hasn't seen. BUT at the same time, I know she should have called. Maybe she didn't feel like upsetting you- I know people that do that so they just don't call not to deal with it...
Weird logic I know but people are like that. I would just call her and say hey like nothing happened and asked what she did when she was down here last and see if she brings it up. Then just say oh I missed you or something like that and see what happens.

she just sounds like one of those friends that sometimes 'forgets' to call to avoid confrontation. maybe she couldnt hang out or didnt want to and didnt know how to tell you. maybe she got busy and couldnt be bothered with calling. it sounds ****** but i have friends like that. sometimes IM taht friend lol. it happens. everyone is busy with their own lives and sometimes forget to call. it seems like a minor incident and im pretty sure it can be resolved if you go 'hey. why didnt you call me back. if you were busy you can just tell me. but i need to hear from you because i have my own plans to keep.'

good luck!

Hey Twin...

I totally understand why you are upset. I would def contact her and let her know how you are feeling. It's hard to give up someone who was a best friend for so long...... that's why it's bothering you so much. Let her know that this is the second time she stood you up and that you went out on Thanksgiving EVE for HER....Tell her that if she is too busy, she should let you know. It's not fair to make you wait around...

I would call her though, i wouldn't send it in an e-mail.

First, sorry you are dealing with this - doesn't sound fun. .but ITA that you should talk to her. I also would try to take the wedding part out of the equation - I don't mean don't share if you are upset b/c she's not being supportive as a BM - but think, how would you deal with this if she wasn't your BM and was just being a lousy friend. . I think it's hard when we start doing wedding stuff b/c every thing seems to be exponentially worse - which is NOT to say that you shouldnt be upset. . but just that everything is more emotional. So, tell her how you feel - often there are things going on that we have no clue about - and then if she doesnt respond or react you will have a clear idea of where she is at.

Good luck!!