Bridesmaid bleh

jasminemichelle Posted: Sep 05, 2007 01:55 PM

Bridesmaid bleh

while my older sis (MOH) and 2 best friends from home (bridesmaids) have been wonderful, one friend i asked said no (she just started grad school and has zero money) and my best friend from college said yes but has been super flaky. She acknnowledged that and said I could de-bridesmaid her if I wanted but I don't know what to do... if she's going to continue to be flaky I should probably say no, but I really would like her to be a part of things and make some sort of effort. I also dont know who I would replace her with -- I have some friends from med school but it might be weird bc ive only known them a year, and i have another good college friend but she lives out of state and we dont talk that often. i wish i was one of those brides with oodles of friends to choose from. this is making me feel like such a loser :(

MJDoc12 Posted: Sep 05, 2007 02:02 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

Sorry you are feeling down about your BP. but remember something--you are now approaching 1 year from the big day, perhaps the 'flaky' one didn't think it was that big a deal until you got a little closer to your wedding date.

we, as brides, tend to get excited over everything 2 yrs before its gonna happen! and then we are let down when others aren't so happy and chipper to shop for BM dresses and such 12-18 months beforhand. usually they just don't 'get it'

remember NO ONE will be as excited about your wedding as you.....so perhas you should try and set up some time to hang with your friend and let her know that you are approaching the 1 yr mark and ti will go fast, and you want to make sure she's gonna be there for you.

jasminemichelle Posted: Sep 05, 2007 02:08 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

I guess I was just disappointed that she couldn't come to my e-party, didn't send a card or anything, doesn't have any desire to see my dress or get measured for her bridesmaid dress, or anything else that my other bridesmaids did happily. What do you think are normal expectations for a bridesmaid this far in advance?

DrWho Posted: Sep 05, 2007 02:12 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

You have dresses already?

Honestly, it's still early to have a bridal party picked at all.

jasminemichelle Posted: Sep 05, 2007 02:18 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

I go to med school in Florida, so when I was in NY I started looking for wedding dresses because I wont be back until Thanksgiving. I found one I liked, but didn't officially order it yet because we ran out of time. While looking for dresses my other bridesmaids who came with me fell in love with a dress, so I'm pretty sure we're going to go with that.

Nothing has been ordered yet, but I'd like her to get measured at some point in the next month so we can order them.

Is it really that early to be looking at dresses? Lots of girls on the 08 board have ordered theirs already

MJDoc12 Posted: Sep 05, 2007 02:19 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

Posted by jasminemichelle

I guess I was just disappointed that she couldn't come to my e-party, didn't send a card or anything, doesn't have any desire to see my dress or get measured for her bridesmaid dress, or anything else that my other bridesmaids did happily. What do you think are normal expectations for a bridesmaid this far in advance?

honestly to be measured for a dress more than a year in advance--that is kind of early.

unless she had a GOOD reason for missing your e-party---yeah that would disappoint me. but honestly, there are some ppl who just do not GET etiquette and think 'oh, i'll send a card!' especially when you are young and maybe inexperienced with weddings.

maybe she thought you were doing things too early and expecting a lot ? i think this far in advance a BM really doesn't have much responsiblities to 'handle' just yet....when you start reaching like 7-9 months before the wedding, i think its typical for BMs to get measured and such and hopefully start brainstorming shower ideas and things.

like i said before---we get VERY excited EARLY about wedding related things. this website certainly doesn't help. i planned my wedding for 2 yrs. and thru that time i knew that at 18-20 months out, my sister/MOH wouldn't really care too much about looking for dresses and such...since styles change and everything.

is there anything else going on between you two? i think a one on one chat is really needed between you guys!

sweetdreamz1181 Posted: Sep 05, 2007 02:55 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

Sorry that you have to go threw this... I think your best bet is to have a talk with her to make sure she is serious about being a bridesmaid...

Kara and Todd Posted: Sep 05, 2007 03:33 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

Sorry you're going through this.

Ask her if she HONESTLY wants to be a part of it. If she does, keep her in. If she doesn't, let her go.

And it's not about numbers -- I wouldn't find a replacement bridesmaid. You aked who you really wanted to be in it -- if it doesn't work out, don't go to second string.

emcheung Posted: Sep 05, 2007 04:57 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

Posted by Kara and Todd

And it's not about numbers -- I wouldn't find a replacement bridesmaid. You aked who you really wanted to be in it -- if it doesn't work out, don't go to second string.

i agree, it isn't about how many bridesmaids you have. ask them if you think you really want them to share a special part of your day.

stonepondbabe Posted: Sep 05, 2007 08:31 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

I've had similar BM drama (and it gets better daily). Like a previous poster said, noone will ever be as excited as you. Alot of time there is a level of jealouslly too- I say that as a bride and a many itmes over BM. She might surprise you and step up as things she is a direct part of creep closer. Don't discount her yet.
And don't feel bad about not having choices, I was hard pressed to get to 5. There is nothing wron with having a few good friends :)

lonal Posted: Sep 05, 2007 10:30 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

I'm also sorry that you're going through this. If you decide to 'debridesmaid' her, don't feel like you have to replace her. If there isn't someone else that you really want, can't you just leave it with the other few? I was just at a wedding where there was 1 maid of honor and 1 bridesmaid and that was it. The bride was VERY happy!

Mich0621 Posted: Sep 05, 2007 10:52 PM

Re: Bridesmaid bleh

I would definitely calmly speak to her now and just make sure that she wants in. I will echo the above posters who say that you are about 1 yr out and although you should rightfully be excited, some people might not understand that or think you are rushing and trying to get things done too early.

Also, don't be stuck to a number of BMs...it doesn't matter at all, all that matters is that you have those you care about by your side. I know a lot of people freak when thinking about the processional and how it will look with an odd number of people. I have to admit, I freaked out for a moment and wondered, after my BF who couldn't make it due to job obligations and money issues (out of state) declined being in the wedding, I wondered if I should have asked someone else to keep numbers even. However, when I really thought about it, I realized that although I have less BMs than GM in our wedding, I have the girls who are my 'girls' and why should I have a B list BM? (And trust me, they know they are B list!) You can double up GM with BMs-don't worry!

Please don't feel like a loser...I was once told that if you can count your best friends on the fingers of one hand, you are lucky!

And, now I will get to the advantages of a smaller BP-less people to coordinate (more people=more drama), and you save money on flowers-you need less BoKs! Remember-just because having a lot of BMs is right to one girl doesn't mean that it is the rule! I will take my MOH and 3 BMS anyday!