Soooo an older friend of mine (who i ADORE!) has sort of assumed she is in the bridal party. this wouldnt matter but for the fact that we already have our parties chosen and she wasnt in it! I love her dearly and know she assumed b/c we are such great friends, the thing is she is much older than i am so i assumed that she wouldnt want to be in it w/ us since we are a good 20 yrs younger and all know each other while her and I know one another from work. i feel awful but how can i gently make it so that she knows she isnt in it!!!?? i sort of stood there silently as she said ohh im excited to be in it!
If we werent having a smaller wedding I wld prob just let it go, but we rly dont want to have that many attendants, and adding her = adding another groomsman = more $ on gifts, tuxes, dresses!
What can i DO!?
Am i overreacting? Should I just kick someone else out that i rly want in it
MNM0805
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
Oh boy! I wouldn't kick someone else out of the bridal party. I would just explain that you have chosen your bridal party and they are all around your age. Maybe you could have her be a part of your day another way. I don't know where your ceremony is but if its at a church, maybe have her do a reading?
That's definitely a sticky situation. Maybe just tell her the truth, that you felt since the age difference you didn't think she'd want to be a part of your day that way. If you did have her as a BM, would you really need another GM? We are uneven and I don't mind it at all! Hope this helps!
RFutureBegins2day
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
This is a tough one. Can you give her a reading or something to do that will make her feel a party of your day or will that compromise what you want? If not, she will have to understand. This happens more than you think.
Watermelon5
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
You girls are FAST :)
I am torn re: having the parties uneven - I know its so sily but i prefer them to be equal...PLUS they are alrdy larger than we wanted so adding another is just kind of annoying! lol
As far as the reading, I think that would be great! I love her to death and certainly dont want to hurt her so offering up something else to do would be great...but how do i bring up this topic!!!?
annabellagirl
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
I have to say.... I HATE when people assume things - I hate when people Invite themselves to functions and most of all, when someone says 'I BETTER be in your wedding' orrr 'I better be invited' LOL It doesnt seem like you friend is acting that way, but it just sux that she assumes she's in it.... Its your day, you do what makes you happy!! Dont let anyone make you feel bad....
Good luck
Jesebelle
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
Just explain to her that you are having a smaller wedding and had to limit the size of the bridal party. She might be disappointed, but that's what happens when people assume.
AmyElizabeth
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
The reading idea sounds great - explain to her that you were really hoping she'd be a reader. I wouldn't mention anything about age with the BMs though.
FutureMrsCat050412
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
I HATE when people assume....
Even though she is a good friend you shouldn't feel bad for telling her she's not in it. She shouldn't have ASSUMED SHE WAS.
People are just rude! Put yourself in her position, wouldn't you be embarassed if someone told you you weren't in it after you assumed you were?
This brings up something else I can't stand about people,
my sister told me she had 2 people ask if she was pregnant...and SHES NOT!!! That is rude! My sister is a very quiet sensitive person so of course she prob just said no! If that was me I would make these people feel stupid. HOW DARE PEOPLE ASK SOMETHING LIKE THAT!
GR2010
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
What if you ask her to be a reader? That way she is involved but not in the BP. I know it's not the same but it's a nice way to keep her involved.
wenR
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
Stand your ground and explain to her your reasons...leave the age part out.
something similar happened to me..instead of putting her in the bridal party I asked her to be a reader at the ceremony
Moonmist09
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
if you are having a church ceremony, have her do a reading or help bring up the gifts to the priest. i would gently let her know becuse of size restrictions, that you are having a smaller wedding and are unable to have a larger bp
vv117
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
i was somewhat in your situation twice! the first time, we added the person and i'm SO glad we did!! FH also added a person so we matched.
then, it happened again to FH and i put my foot down. we made this person a reader. the convo went smoothly (i think). you just have to really build up how important a reader is. and it is important!
we're also treating the reader like a GM though - bought him a GM gift, he's kind of walking down the aisle, wearing a tux, etc. this is all easier with a guy though.
Watermelon5
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
You girls are awesome!!!
I'm toying with the idea of just adding more people so that I don't hurt her OR just asking about doing a reading..I think I'll sort of hint around about doing a reading and see how she reacts, if she's not into it I think may just leave well enough alone and let her remain lol...
THANKS for your input ladies!!! My friends don't want to hear this kinda stuff lol lol
ETA: spelling error lol
TheEyesOfMarch
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
That's tough... your going to have to find a way to just be honest with her.
FH & I are still picking our BP, we'll probably ask everyone soon.
adelya21
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Re: Bridesmaid DILEMMA!
I agree. I would NOT mention age! I would say something like this--- so I was thinking it would love for you to be a reader at the wedding versus a BM...-- and just add a few lines about how much you love and adore her and couldnt have chosen anyone else to do it but her etc ..
Posted by AmyElizabeth
The reading idea sounds great - explain to her that you were really hoping she'd be a reader. I wouldn't mention anything about age with the BMs though.
