I don't usually post these types of messages, but I feel so hurt and confused about how to proceed. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
One of my bridesmaid has been acting aggressively towards me for several months. In the middle of that my brother became very ill (he may need a heart transplant) and I never bothered to fully confront the issue with her, I just avoided wedding related discussions with her and figured it would all work out after the wedding (thinking she would understand). Well, she confronted me about the 'disconnect' in our relationship and we had a talk. Apparently, she is feeling very resentful of my wedding - for reasons that are unclear to me. She stated, 'it's all just stupid, stupid, stupid, why do something that makes you so nervous and upset'. She also said that if she could turn back time she would not be a bridesmaid because having to interact with the other bridesmaids in the planning and other reasons make it too difficult for her. I was enraged for many reasons and said to her that if she feels so resentful and angry, she absolutely does not have to be a bridesmaid. She seemed relieved and even commented, oh, does that mean I don't have to go to the bachelorette party too? (mind you that's a cooking class at a restaurant, nothing wild and crazy or expensive). She wanted to think about it and informed me two days later that she is really unable to do it.
My parents and FH are enraged and would have pulled her invite. My mom wants to e-mail her that she really should not come to the wedding. I'm not sure how I feel or what to do... but I do keep thinking how could I look at her during the wedding. I am definitely not a bridezilla and have asked very little of my bridal party - how could she not put on a happy face for me. Is this someone I want as a friend? I told her she didn't have to be a bridesmaid - does that mean I was okay with her decision??
MrsH1156
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
First off, I'm sorry to hear about your brother and hope everything turns out okay. As for this so-called friend of yours, I think you are going to be much better off NOT having her in your life because it sounds like she does not have a caring cell in her body. Whatever her feelings about your wedding are, what she said to you is just plain rude and uncalled for. If she is so far gone into her own world that she can't see passed her own insecurity and obvious jealousy toward you and your other BM's, then I say good riddance and she should have a nice life. Friends talk about things that are bothering them instead of attacking each other. I don't think she should be invited to the wedding because what is to stop her from deliberately upsetting you that day? I can't stand people who try to ruin other people's happiness because they are miserable themselves.
mbm750
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
well, i think you probably don't want her as a BM - why deal with her crap. as for your friendship or the wedding invite, i guess it depends on whehter you think you're going to or even want to have a relationship with her. if you've already been drifting, maybe you don't. and certainly her behavior is not the way a friend would behave.
nickipa
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
Im sorry you are going thru this! It sounds like she has some issues, and I guess its better this happened now they having to deal with an difficult/probably jeolous BM the day of your wedding.
JandJ1224
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
I guess it comes down to how good of a friend this person is to you. Is there maybe something going on in her life that would make her so upset?? Maybe a recent break up with someone serious?? From her response to everything maybe she wouldn't even go to the wedding if she was invited. Do whatever your heart tells you, I would invite her and let her decide where your friendship will go from here. Good luck!
irishsweetheart
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
snydl40
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
It doesn't make sense why she said yes in the first place. Didn't she know she would have to discuss and plan with the other BMs? Do you still want to be her friend? That is the only question. If yes-then invite her to the wedding. If no then don't and end it right there. How long have you know her for?
Mitabtrfly
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
Posted by snydl40
It doesn't make sense why she said yes in the first place. Didn't she know she would have to discuss and plan with the other BMs?
I agree with this. I think she's just jealous and being very immature, and if she's giving you grief then set her free from the bridal party as well as from your life. This is supposed to be a happy occasion for you and NOONE should make you feel this way..especially given what you are going through with your brother. I hope everything turns out good with him. Honestly I think she did you a favor.
marcandjoanna
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
Thank you so much for all of the support! I called her last night and left a voicemail message (I felt that was a little more appropriate than her e-mail). I told her that my family, FH and I feel that it really would not be appropriate for her to be at the wedding, that we want to be surrounded by love and kindness, which she clearly is unable to feel about the experience. I think for me right now, I'm happy she is out of the bridal party because she was so negative and I also feel good telling her not to come, because although I was kind about her decision, I'm left feeling that there should be some accountability in life.
I was feeling so anxious yesterday after hearing her decision, I think because I was angrier than I was allowing myself to acknowledge. Calling her and telling her to not come allowed me to discharge my anger and feel 100% better (still disappointed and sad, but no more anxiety!). It's really not okay to treat people poorly and expect them to understand...
Again - thanks for everyone's support!
PrincessConsuela
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Re: Bridesmaid Drama
Posted by marcandjoanna
Thank you so much for all of the support! I called her last night and left a voicemail message (I felt that was a little more appropriate than her e-mail). I told her that my family, FH and I feel that it really would not be appropriate for her to be at the wedding, that we want to be surrounded by love and kindness, which she clearly is unable to feel about the experience. I think for me right now, I'm happy she is out of the bridal party because she was so negative and I also feel good telling her not to come, because although I was kind about her decision, I'm left feeling that there should be some accountability in life.
I was feeling so anxious yesterday after hearing her decision, I think because I was angrier than I was allowing myself to acknowledge. Calling her and telling her to not come allowed me to discharge my anger and feel 100% better (still disappointed and sad, but no more anxiety!). It's really not okay to treat people poorly and expect them to understand...
Again - thanks for everyone's support!
you did the right thing. Glad everything worked itself out even if a friendship was lost in the process you should only be surrouned by the people who are happy for you and want to be there for you both.
i totally agree with this statement 'It's really not okay to treat people poorly and expect them to understand...'
