Brides Helping Brides ™ - Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

JGOT79 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 07:28 AM

Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

I informed all 5 of my bridesmaids that I will be ordering their dresses in 2 weeks, that we are gettting a huge discount ($260 dress for $200)and to tell me their size or get measurements for me to bring to the dressmaker. 2 of my bridesmaids (they are buddies) text messaged me (not even a phone call) to tell me they want to wait to get their dresses and should they still get them at the place I am ordering the others? I was sooo mad! I felt that was very nervy of them to do that! Especially since I was a bridesmaid in one of these girls weddings and I just gave her my measurements and no beef when time for ordering her bridesmaid gown. I responded to both by saying I was definitely ordering the dresses all together on the same date to get the discount for everyone, to ensure the same color dye as well, and to avoid confusion dealing with separate stores! They then responded by saying they still want to be consulted before the order goes through to be 'part of the size discussion'. I'm thinking: what the heck is a size discussion? You give me the measurements or dress size since they've both tried the dress on, and what is the problem? I do not feel I have to call them from the dress shop as I am placing the order..that is ridiculous..and annoying..so how do you all feel about me just calling these girls tonite and saying: just give me your dress size and let's leave it at that, and if you have any questions afterwards feel free to call the dress shop? Plus, one of the girls is very obese, and was complaining that she will have to pay more money for plus size and extra alterations, etc. To be nice, I offered to take care of the cost of any extra stuff for her that is necessary. Anything to keep this from being a headache! Any suggestions? Is it okay to just request from them a size instead of them trying to control the situation? I am so upset that they could even think of going off on their own to get their dresses..what is that about?

Kara and Todd Posted: Mar 26, 2007 08:24 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Why not have them come with you to the store to be measured there?

JGOT79 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 09:00 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

That could be done, but I still don't see the reasoning behind it....Whatever the measurements are, or if they have tried on the dress already at another store, then what is the problem? Is it me?

angl2001 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 09:27 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

wow i really dont know what to say. I don't think you crossed the line at all! i would be upset too. I always thought you HAD to order them together because of the dye situation. you dont want 2 people to end up with lighter or darker dresses than everyone else!! i dont understand what the problem is! Thank god all my BMs are about the same size and love doing wedding stuff. I havent had any problems yet. I hope there wont be any to come! Good luck! I would talk to them about it and explain it again in person.

erdbeere Posted: Mar 26, 2007 09:42 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

wow sorry your BMs aren't cooperating... not sure what to tell you, but maybe its just easiest if they come to the store with you? Then they can talk directly with the shop about whatever concerns they are haivng and you'll be present as well? I know how frustrating it is though...I mean you are only asking them to give you their measurements or dress size... not a big deal. I had a similar problem... took one of my girls over 2 months to give me her measurements! and by that point I had already picked out the dress...orderd them and just told the shop to wait for this one BMs measurements...after she finally gave them to the shop, the owner called me and was like 'this dress won't look good on this BM because she is short and heavy' and by that point I was like screw it its her fault for not givng me her measurements when I asked the first 20 times...so if she is uncomfortable int he dress too bad.

Shorty McBride Posted: Mar 26, 2007 09:42 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

imo, they crossed the line because having matching dye lots is definitely important.

But I'm sorry, I really don't mean to be harsh, but I think its really early to be ordering your BM dresses. There's a year between now and the wedding, and its very possible that the girls will lose/gain weight, have body changes, maybe become pregnant, etc.

I had a long engagement and I know how anxious you are to get everything done - trust me, I know exactly how you feel. My wedding is in November and I just ordered BM dresses last week, and I was STILL pretty early. The dresses I ordered take 4 months to come in and my wedding is 8 months away. (I have an OOT bm, so it had to be this week)

Hang in there

Licee15 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 09:43 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Thinking you can bring them would be better. So that a professional fits them....I wouldn't fill comfortable giving a dress size and someone ordering the dress for me (if I'm paying for it)....I could see if you were paying for the dress but you aren't...They are. So I would personally allow them come with you to order the dress and get sized...Some places order people 3 sizes to big and that just isn't nessary- To make more money on the alterations.

Is it really that bad that they come with you? Good luck!!!!

JGOT79 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 09:52 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

I do not agree that it is too early to order them. It is never too early to do anything for your wedding in my opinion. There is nothing wrong with getting the dresses and getting them altered at a later date. I have had the experience for my brothers wedding where the dress we ordered was discontinued a month later. What would we do if that happened? Not okay and not worth risking in my book.

Plus, my maid of honor is in Florida and is only coming up now to do this, so we need to accomondate that.

I actually just called one of the girls to ask what the size discussion is, and she told me that she did indeed try on the dress at a shop yesterday, and she is either an 8 or a 10, and would prefer an 8. So that is solved. I knew it was just her being wishy washy.

As for the other girl, the one who is overweight, I will deal with her on a 1 to 1 basis as I want to be sensitive to her needs. I think that is a special case. But inquiring about going your own way is not okay to do when you are asked to be part of a group thing. Thanks for all your feedback!

leshellem Posted: Mar 26, 2007 10:08 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Posted by Shorty McBride

imo, they crossed the line because having matching dye lots is definitely important.

But I'm sorry, I really don't mean to be harsh, but I think its really early to be ordering your BM dresses. There's a year between now and the wedding, and its very possible that the girls will lose/gain weight, have body changes, maybe become pregnant, etc.

I had a long engagement and I know how anxious you are to get everything done - trust me, I know exactly how you feel. My wedding is in November and I just ordered BM dresses last week, and I was STILL pretty early. The dresses I ordered take 4 months to come in and my wedding is 8 months away. (I have an OOT bm, so it had to be this week)

Hang in there

I have to agree. Being a bridesmaid requires they give/ do a lot for the bride. Having them give so much so early isn't right. I believe they are going against you because you are asking a lot of them so early. True it's never too early to do wedding things, but when you ask other people to do the same, I believe that YOU are crossing the line not them.

JGOT79 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 10:13 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

thanks for your input, I just don't see it that way though... sorry....if the tables were turned, i actually think its better to pay some of the dress now, then do the alterations later, and then its less money to dish out at once. plus as i said, i am getting a huge discount.

it seems to be worked out now, like i said, i called one of the girls and she is giving me the size that she wants us to order.

as for the other girl, i will be more accomodating since she does have special size concerns.

fyi, some dresses do take 6-8 months to come in. Better to be safe than sorry

snowcat Posted: Mar 26, 2007 10:17 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

I'm having issues also w/ them getting together to order dresses....it is a difficult situation- maybe just explain to them that if you don't order them together then those who decide to wait will have to pay full price...that may get their a**** in gear!

JGOT79 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 10:19 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

exactly--- the issue is not them asking about the sizes, it's asking to go on their own to order the dresses at a different shop and at a later date. That was my concern.

And I do not think it I am asking a lot of them to get some measurements or a size if they are seeing the dress in person. It's sort of a given as a bridesmaid...early or not early...

:0)

MJDoc12 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 10:19 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Posted by JGOT79

thanks for your input, I just don't see it that way though... sorry....if the tables were turned, i actually think its better to pay some of the dress now, then do the alterations later, and then its less money to dish out at once. plus as i said, i am getting a huge discount.

it seems to be worked out now, like i said, i called one of the girls and she is giving me the size that she wants us to order.

as for the other girl, i will be more accomodating since she does have special size concerns.

fyi, some dresses do take 6-8 months to come in. Better to be safe than sorry

the whole size thing was weird, but i do agree with som of the other ladies that ordering the dresses so early might be a little much for them. i know it's never 'too early' to do things for a wedding...but you are still almost a year away, and asking them to order their dresses RIGHT NOW might be what's annoying them , and they just don't want to say it.

yes some dresses can take 6-8 months to come in, but unless your dress shop has told you that it will take that long....i doubt your BM gowns would take such a great deal of time to come in. even if it did take that long, fittings usually don't start until about 4-6 wks before the wedding anyway.

not flaming or anything on you, just kind of giving another side...that they may not be telling you. but i agree that the size thing was weird.

Licee15 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 10:34 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Posted by JGOT79

thanks for your input, I just don't see it that way though... sorry....if the tables were turned, i actually think its better to pay some of the dress now, then do the alterations later, and then its less money to dish out at once. plus as i said, i am getting a huge discount.

it seems to be worked out now, like i said, i called one of the girls and she is giving me the size that she wants us to order.

as for the other girl, i will be more accomodating since she does have special size concerns.

fyi, some dresses do take 6-8 months to come in. Better to be safe than sorry

Sorry a 'huge' discount is like more than 100 to me....Sorry...JMO...

erdbeere Posted: Mar 26, 2007 11:05 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Hmm... I didn't notice the wedding date when I first posted... but I agree witht he other ladies that it is a bit early. Especially if some of your girls are bigger... maybe they are planning on losing weight or something...and most dressed can only easily be taken in or out up to 2 sizes...

And you keep using this 'huge discount' as an excuse to go now... but its not like you are the one paying for the dresses... yea, its nice for your girls to geta discount, but I'm sure if you waited a few more months you could find a discount too...and obviously the $60 isn't important to all your girls since 2 of them want to go later anyway.

JGOT79 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 11:11 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Thanks for the feedback, it's always good to get both sides.

But ladies...I'm sticking to my guns!!! It is my wedding and I do not feel it is too early, I am not comfortable waiting. Just as I have heard from people that you feel it is too early, I have heard an equal amount that feel it is not. I think it all depends on your personality.

But thanks for the input. It's all good for now. Still ordering the dresses in 2 weeks, the girls understand AND appreciate the discount, despite what some members are posting.

HeatherRose Posted: Mar 26, 2007 11:17 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Posted by Shorty McBride

imo, they crossed the line because having matching dye lots is definitely important.

But I'm sorry, I really don't mean to be harsh, but I think its really early to be ordering your BM dresses. There's a year between now and the wedding, and its very possible that the girls will lose/gain weight, have body changes, maybe become pregnant, etc.

I had a long engagement and I know how anxious you are to get everything done - trust me, I know exactly how you feel. My wedding is in November and I just ordered BM dresses last week, and I was STILL pretty early. The dresses I ordered take 4 months to come in and my wedding is 8 months away. (I have an OOT bm, so it had to be this week)

Hang in there

It couldn't be said any better.. I just ordered my dresses for my october wedding and they told me i was early.. and i ordered my veil and wedding dress early to, and they dont place the orders right away, they hold off, a matter of fact they held off last aprl in ordering my veil b/c they knew it would come in soon and didnt want to store it, that when they went to place the order it was discontinued... so they may not even actually place the order even though they tell you they are, they dont want to store them for longer then needed.
but on the other hand, its your wedding and if you want the dresses orered they kinda have to listen... i hope it goes well.

Kara and Todd Posted: Mar 26, 2007 11:40 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

Posted by JGOT79

That could be done, but I still don't see the reasoning behind it....Whatever the measurements are, or if they have tried on the dress already at another store, then what is the problem? Is it me?

Well, my cousin got measured upstate where she goes to college and they got her sizes all wrong. Also, BM dresses run different sizes than regular street clothes -- so whatever sizes they give you are not likely to translate into the same size BM dress.

I would probably just take them with you so they can get measured there. They're paying for the dress, so they should be comfortable feeling that it will fit them.

I also agree it's too early. People's bodies change, and I've NEVER had to order a BM dress a year in advance.

But to be honest... it really sounds from your posts like you have no intentions of taking anyone's advice or changing your plans at all...

JGOT79 Posted: Mar 26, 2007 11:44 AM

Re: Bridesmaid Drama--please help!

You are right. I am not changing my plans because I do not feel it is up to them to decide when and where to get the dresses.

They were concerned with size, and now that is solved. So there is no need to change plans.

I have been a bridesmaid and would never think to request the bride to wait for me to lose weight or to order the dress on my own.

I understand people feel it is early, but again, I do not. So it just depends on your personality, and it is my wedding. :0)