Bridesmaid drama...need help/advice (LONG)

Hi Ladies!

With 4 1/2 days to go, I'm having bridesmaid drama. I might sound like a bi*ch but hear me out first...

I have a BM, my best friend from college who lives 8hrs away is in the party, along with her daughter (who's my flower girl). When she still lived in NY she help with the BM dresses and helped me with little things via email (colors, flower types, etc). That was in 2009. In 2010, she and her family moved 8hrs away and since the move, she hasn't been as helpful (she's a stay at home mom of 3 kids), but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. As the year progressed, it got harder to contact her via email or phone. Even my MOH (sister) tried and a lot of the time she was unreachable. Now its 2011. Although she ordered her dress and shoes when she needed to, she failed to tell me all the things that are happening now...

Feb/March 2011 - She started her own babysitting service in her home, 5 days a week from 9-5. (Great way to make money without leaving your home!)

May 2011 - No show at bachelorette and bridal shower (which were in the same weekend). Prior to the events, she has given little to no help with the planning or anything.

Early June 2011 -

Part 1: She tells me that she won't make the rehearsal dinner or rehearsal itself because of her business and husband coming home late. Basically, her husband is not coming to the wedding because he's watching the 2 younger kids while she and her daughter will drive 8hrs to NY Friday night. She tells me that they will arrive in NY early in the am, stay at her parents in Brooklyn, then drive to LI to get dressed. She will also drive to the church and reception (not taking the limo with the rest of the party). OK so I let that slide...I even asked her to leave her car at the fox hollow and I'd ask one of the groomsmen to bring her to my house so she could ride with us...no response.

Part 2: her daughter is my flower girl. I told my BM that I will be getting her dress made by my aunt. She said OK (This was back in January/February and I'm paying for it). She didn't tell me that the next time she would be back in NY would be for my wedding!!! How am I supposed to have her daughter sized for the dress??????? Had I known that, I would've had her order the dress when she ordered her BM dress.

TODAY!!!!
- I get a text message from her asking about the time of the reception because her grandmother (who lives in GA) is coming up and there's a block party on her parent's block in Brooklyn. FH is pissed because he sees this as the last straw. We've been as accommodating as we can be but now it's getting annoying.

I'm not sure what to do. I told her the time of the reception and cocktail hour, but never said when it ended...UGH!!!!


If you made it through...THANKS!!!!

Any advice???

WOW. All I can say is you deserve a medal and don't rely on her actually showing up for the wedding. A block party? Really?

im the type to not make waves and be more passive aggressive so i would probably just not say anything now being that the wedding is this weekend and then just hope for the best. but after its all over i would probably give her the cold shoulder as payback for all the unnecessary stress she put you through.

oh and if the wedding is in 5 days and you still dont have the daughters sze i would stalk her and keep calling until you got it starightened out or tell her not to bring her daughter then. but thats just me.

oh no i am sorry you are dealing with this

i cant even imagine dealing with that

I think your best bet is to send her another email or text giving her all the info - what time you need her to be at what place (and when it ends). whatever she decides to do before or after is up to her but write it in such a way that you are firm on the timeline...she MUST be at xx place at xx time etc. i would even go one step further and say coming from brooklyn it will take you at least xxx amount of time to drive to the RH (or wherever you are meeting her).

dont let this stress you out - you should enjoy your day and not worry about her!

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Posted by jilliibabii

WOW. All I can say is you deserve a medal and don't rely on her actually showing up for the wedding. A block party? Really?

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seriously...id blow a fuse

Is very easy for us to judge people. However, we dont know their lifestyles. You need to understand she has a husband and kids. I understand the part of her not answering you back.

I said this before and I will say it again....a BM is not there to do your job, is your wedding not hers. I dont mean to sound rude but my MOH and BP all live in FL and I was OK with it. They only helped the week of the wedding but never before. No biggie for me bc I like things done my way.

Just enjoy your day with her and her daughter and forget the rest. Be thankful she's not telling you she cant make it to the wedding.

I think I would call her, rather then sending a text or email. That way you know she will definitely get the info from you. Maybe just ask her if everything is okay and maybe even ask her if she def wants to still be a part of the wedding cuz it sounds like she doesn't. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! I know it's hard....but I would try your hardest not to let it ruin your day!!

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Posted by Cataverri

Is very easy for us to judge people. However, we dont know their lifestyles. You need to understand she has a husband and kids. I understand the part of her not answering you back.

I said this before and I will say it again....a BM is not there to do your job, is your wedding not hers. I dont mean to sound rude but my MOH and BP all live in FL and I was OK with it. They only helped the week of the wedding but never before. No biggie for me bc I like things done my way.

Just enjoy your day with her and her daughter and forget the rest. Be thankful she's not telling you she cant make it to the wedding.

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By no means am I judging her (I hope not!!) I know she's got lots of responsibilities and my wedding is for me. I've given all my BMs the opportunity to step down if the wedding got in the way of their regular lives. I already had one BM do that because she had a severe medical condition and spent all her money in and out of hospitals and doctors offices and couldn't afford to be in the wedding.

Again, I'm glad that she's making an effort to come and support me on this big day. I'd love for her to stay longer but I know she has other responsibilities...It's just annoying (for lack of a different word)

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Posted by Danielle41209

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Posted by Cataverri

Is very easy for us to judge people. However, we dont know their lifestyles. You need to understand she has a husband and kids. I understand the part of her not answering you back.

I said this before and I will say it again....a BM is not there to do your job, is your wedding not hers. I dont mean to sound rude but my MOH and BP all live in FL and I was OK with it. They only helped the week of the wedding but never before. No biggie for me bc I like things done my way.

Just enjoy your day with her and her daughter and forget the rest. Be thankful she's not telling you she cant make it to the wedding.

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By no means am I judging her (I hope not!!) I know she's got lots of responsibilities and my wedding is for me. I've given all my BMs the opportunity to step down if the wedding got in the way of their regular lives. I already had one BM do that because she had a severe medical condition and spent all her money in and out of hospitals and doctors offices and couldn't afford to be in the wedding.

Again, I'm glad that she's making an effort to come and support me on this big day. I'd love for her to stay longer but I know she has other responsibilities...It's just annoying (for lack of a different word)

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I do have to say is very rude from her oart to not answer you calls and emails and also not providing your the size of her daughter.

But like I said...just enjoy every minute of it.

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Posted by Cataverri

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Posted by Danielle41209

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Posted by Cataverri

Is very easy for us to judge people. However, we dont know their lifestyles. You need to understand she has a husband and kids. I understand the part of her not answering you back.

I said this before and I will say it again....a BM is not there to do your job, is your wedding not hers. I dont mean to sound rude but my MOH and BP all live in FL and I was OK with it. They only helped the week of the wedding but never before. No biggie for me bc I like things done my way.

Just enjoy your day with her and her daughter and forget the rest. Be thankful she's not telling you she cant make it to the wedding.

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By no means am I judging her (I hope not!!) I know she's got lots of responsibilities and my wedding is for me. I've given all my BMs the opportunity to step down if the wedding got in the way of their regular lives. I already had one BM do that because she had a severe medical condition and spent all her money in and out of hospitals and doctors offices and couldn't afford to be in the wedding.

Again, I'm glad that she's making an effort to come and support me on this big day. I'd love for her to stay longer but I know she has other responsibilities...It's just annoying (for lack of a different word)

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I do have to say is very rude from her oart to not answer you calls and emails and also not providing your the size of her daughter.

But like I said...just enjoy every minute of it.

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Very true!!!! I can't harp on it forever. You're right...she never said she couldn't make it so I'll be grateful regardless, but communication is lacking...

D, you're better than me. I'd say, thanks, but if my wedding is inconvenient for you and your family then don't come. you don't need a flower girl anyhow.

it just sucks that this is one of your best friends and she is behaving like a child.
lots of hugs for you.

I would count her out of the wedding. We had a few 'crashers' as well as some no shows for our wedding yesterday. SOmeone who is not giving you clear answers or GOOD REASONS (block party?????? come on!) may not show up. Don't let it ruin your day!!!!!!!! Ours had some flaws yesterday (Best Man couldn't make it), but we were still extremely happy!!!! Sh!t happens, don't let one person ruin your day. If she's been causing drama all this time, maybe you should just tell her, that she can do whatever she wants if your wedding is too hard for her to go to. Sorry I sound cold

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Posted by Danielle41209

Thanks everyone...I hope everything works out for the best in this situation...no going back now...

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just sending you hugs

you shouldn't have to deal with this now, but i'm sure it will all work out

your day will be beautiful no matter what, with or without a flower girl and an extra BM!