Bridesmaid issue...grrr

So I am a bridesmaid for my best friend's wedding this summer (would be MH if she didn't have two young sisters--her mom insisted) and she's driving me crazy! Her mother's friends are throwing a shower for her, but not inviting family--however bridal party is invited. Rest of the BP lives in PA (with bride) and I am in LI. Apparently, since this is not the real shower, we also have to throw another one w/ family (about 50 people), and attend this one, and throw a bachlorette party.

Now, I'm happy to be as much of a help as I can, she is my best friend, however with the 300$ dress she picked out for us, the hair/makeup at exclusive salon, travel expenses for four trips to the area, plus TWO bridal shower presents, engagement present, bachlorette party, throwing a shower, and wedding present, her wedding is probably gonna cost me about 2000-2500.

Is this normal? Is there a way to politely suggest combining events? Or should I just put up with it?

There has to be something you can work out with her...that seems like ALOT to ask of you since you have to travel

IMO, you're spending way too much. Being in a bridal party can get expensive, but it should not cost you $2000. You do not need to get her 2 shower presents. If she has 2 showers, 1 present is more than enough, especially if you're throwing one of them. Don't go overboard on the present. If you're paying for the shower, I'd just get a small gift. The shower is costing you enough already. Also, if it's too expensive to go to PA for the shower that isn't really a shower, don't go. Hopefully if she's understanding, she'll realize that it's too much for you to keep traveling to PA for everything.

How many people are in the BP? I hope you're dividing the cost of the shower and bachelorette party evenly among the BP. You should not have to pay for everything. If $ is tight, explain to her mom that you can't afford to throw a shower for 50 people. Find ways to cut costs or ask her mom to chip in. I think it's perfectly reasonable for the bride's mother to chip in on shower costs, especially if she wants to invite a lot of people.

When you agreed to be a BM, you didn't agree to go broke in the process. You have your own wedding to save up for. Hopefully, the bride and her family will understand and won't expect you to shell out so much $. Good luck.

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Posted by BHW

IMO, you're spending way too much. Being in a bridal party can get expensive, but it should not cost you $2000. You do not need to get her 2 shower presents. If she has 2 showers, 1 present is more than enough, especially if you're throwing one of them. Don't go overboard on the present. If you're paying for the shower, I'd just get a small gift. The shower is costing you enough already. Also, if it's too expensive to go to PA for the shower that isn't really a shower, don't go. Hopefully if she's understanding, she'll realize that it's too much for you to keep traveling to PA for everything.

How many people are in the BP? I hope you're dividing the cost of the shower and bachelorette party evenly among the BP. You should not have to pay for everything. If $ is tight, explain to her mom that you can't afford to throw a shower for 50 people. Find ways to cut costs or ask her mom to chip in. I think it's perfectly reasonable for the bride's mother to chip in on shower costs, especially if she wants to invite a lot of people.

When you agreed to be a BM, you didn't agree to go broke in the process. You have your own wedding to save up for. Hopefully, the bride and her family will understand and won't expect you to shell out so much $. Good luck.

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I agree - $2K is a heck of a lot of $ to spend on somebody elses wedding (even if you didn't have your own wedding coming up)

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Posted by siobhanB

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Posted by BHW

IMO, you're spending way too much. Being in a bridal party can get expensive, but it should not cost you $2000. You do not need to get her 2 shower presents. If she has 2 showers, 1 present is more than enough, especially if you're throwing one of them. Don't go overboard on the present. If you're paying for the shower, I'd just get a small gift. The shower is costing you enough already. Also, if it's too expensive to go to PA for the shower that isn't really a shower, don't go. Hopefully if she's understanding, she'll realize that it's too much for you to keep traveling to PA for everything.

How many people are in the BP? I hope you're dividing the cost of the shower and bachelorette party evenly among the BP. You should not have to pay for everything. If $ is tight, explain to her mom that you can't afford to throw a shower for 50 people. Find ways to cut costs or ask her mom to chip in. I think it's perfectly reasonable for the bride's mother to chip in on shower costs, especially if she wants to invite a lot of people.

When you agreed to be a BM, you didn't agree to go broke in the process. You have your own wedding to save up for. Hopefully, the bride and her family will understand and won't expect you to shell out so much $. Good luck.

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I agree - $2K is a heck of a lot of $ to spend on somebody elses wedding (even if you didn't have your own wedding coming up)

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agree as well!

WOW I really don't think that is normal

Asking a bridesmaid to spend $2000-2500 is insane - IMO. I wish I had advice for you - can you get out of the OOT shower and just attend the 'real' one?