bridesmaid issue......PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

hey laides... i really need some help with something.. i'm hoping that some of you have been in the same position im in right now so you can give me some peace of mind....

everytime i have thought about my bridal party i think about all my friends that have been like sisters to me that i will talk to for the rest of my life. and of course - my girl cousins that im super close to will without a doubt ALWAYS be there b/c they are family and thats that. so out of my friends, 1 - i have my BEST friend i've been friends with since i was 5 years old 2 - my best friend from high school 3 - my best friend from college and my 2 other best friends that i met through friend #1. then there is my other friend... we'll call her jackie that i met through friend #1. i was SO close to her in college. if i got married back then, there would be no doubt in my mind that she would be in my wedding party. but things havent been the same for about 2 years (and my other friends who are friends with her all agree). we havent been that close and she has done some pretty ****** things that have torn us apart. she is a BM in my other friend's wedding (NinaChris07) and i have seen the way she has treated her this past year preparing for her wedding and that is NOT someone i want as my BM..... but i feel like if i dont ask her, she will be SO hurt and it will cause this HUGE thing among our circle of friends. b/c the thing is, yeah at one point we were very tight and SO close... but were not anymore.. but it still makes me sad to think that were not the way we used to be.

so all that being said - i dont know what to do about having her as a BM.... has someone gone through this?? if so, what did you do?!?

HELP!!!!!!!!!

if things are not the same then DO NOT have this girl in your wedding!!!!

please take my advice!
I had a BM in my that I wanted to take out 3 weeks before my wedding.. and Mike (hubby) begged me not to do it.. for many many reasons.. so I listened to him.. and guess what... She turned around & kicked us both in the face! it was soooo clear that she was not happy for us on our wedding day.. people were coming up to us asking us what is this girl doing here if she doesn't want to be here???!!!! it was obvious to everyone that this girl didn't want to be apart of our day.. b/c she couldn't seperate herself in order to be happy for us. whatever she felt in her heart she wore it on her face the entire day!!!!!! she did something during our ceremony that is unspeakable... Mike wishes that he listened to me... sad part is that I spent thousands of dollars for photo and video.. and she is in my pics

i know!! thats exactly how i feel!!! but what do i say to her and how do i say it to make it less of a blow for HER???

You said it yourself-You Do NOT want someone like this in your wedding party. If there is an ounce of doubt about having her in the wedding, then don't do it. The only people that should be in it are the ones YOU really want in it.

If you want to say something to her, I would just be honest and tell her that your not as close as you once were, and that she has done some pretty $hitty things in the past. If she gets really upset or angry, then you already know that this is how she may have acted sometime throughtout being in the wedding.

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Posted by TM2008

i know!! thats exactly how i feel!!! but what do i say to her and how do i say it to make it less of a blow for HER???

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girl, please do not even think about anyone else's feelings but yours.. b/c when it comes time for her to mess up your day.. she wont even think twice about you... that's what this girl to us... she could'nt have given a rats azz about how much money we spent.. how we a sacrificed.. and how long we waited to get married (20 months).

Just tell her.. I may be woring.. but I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to be in the wedding..if so, that's ok.. just tell me.. nothing is wrong with not wanting to be in the wedding.. we're still friends and no hard feelings...

why dont you have her read something at your wedding like a poem or something that way she is included but not a part of.

^^^that is exactly what i thought of doing!!! i feel like either way shes gonna feel crappy about it and it will cause all thise drama - but you guys are right i should only be thinking about myself!!

im just really nervous about telling her

Please..you only have one wedding day. you don't want to have any regrets, follow your gut.
xo,
k

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Posted by christina&mike07

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Posted by TM2008

i know!! thats exactly how i feel!!! but what do i say to her and how do i say it to make it less of a blow for HER???

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girl, please do not even think about anyone else's feelings but yours.. b/c when it comes time for her to mess up your day.. she wont even think twice about you... that's what this girl to us... she could'nt have given a rats azz about how much money we spent.. how we a sacrificed.. and how long we waited to get married (20 months).

Just tell her.. I may be woring.. but I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to be in the wedding..if so, that's ok.. just tell me.. nothing is wrong with not wanting to be in the wedding.. we're still friends and no hard feelings...

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you are right!! i know!!! its just really hard!!!!!!!

Do you still spend time with this friend? I would speak to her only if she asks why she's not a bridesmaid. I would not have her as a bridesmaid
if she has not been nice to you lately and you two are not as close as you were years ago. This is just my opinon. You are the bride and it's really up to you.

I hope that I helped you a little.

dancer and chef

I was in a similar situation except mine was w/ family..... The one thing I can suggest to you is if the person has done you wrong, and you don't feel comfortable representing you on your special day, no matter how long you've known them....don't ask! If you can bypass the things that the person did and they're not that serious, then it's really your choice...but personally, I wouldn't pick them.

thanks ladies!!! i'll let everyone know what i decide to do!! i probably wont do anything until AFTER our other friend's wedding in april!!!

thanks again!

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Posted by TM2008

thanks ladies!!! i'll let everyone know what i decide to do!! i probably wont do anything until AFTER our other friend's wedding in april!!!

thanks again!

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GOOD LUCK!!!

If the situation is already causing you stress, I would not have her. You don't need someone stressign you as your big day draws closer.

If she asks why she is NOT a BM, you can discuss it with her then. Otherwise, I would leave it and not say anything to her.

JMHO

Good luck in your decision.

thanks everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!