FH isn't close with his mom. His parents are divorced and his mom is re-married with teenagers now. His mom and her family barely speak to me. When we first got engaged I told FH I was thinking about asking his sister to be a BM, but I wasn't positive yet. FH asked his mom about that idea and she imemdiately said his sister wouldn't do it because shes a tomboy and wouldn't want to wear a dress, do make up, etc. (we told her to keep it a secret because we were still figuring things out) At that moment, I decided not to ask FSIL to be a BM because of his moms reaction and because FSIL has never really spoken to me.
I just found out last night that his mom said something to FSIL about me wanting to ask her to be a BM...so now FSIL is waiting for me to ask her. I feel bad because she is expecting and waiting for me to ask her...and I'm not going to. I have my bridal party set now and I don't want to add another BM. If I added her things would only get chaotic.
What should I do???
ItalianBella737
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
Oh wow. That is a tough problem. I would just talk to FSIL and explain that when you and your FH were creating your bridal party the idea of having her be a BM came up. You could explain that you don't feel as close to her as your other bridesmaids are since she doesn't really talk with you.
Or you could just ask her to be apart of another aspect of your wedding...like she could do a reading at the ceremony or something. That way you can make her feel like she is part of your special day.
StaceYums81
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
I would ask her to be in it anyway...
kimmaymb20
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i would ask her sorry but it will just cause alot more problems if you dont.
kris_gets_hitched
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
That's a tough one. If you don't ask her, she will probably be relieved - getting all dressed up and having all eyes on her as she walks down the aisle doesn't really seem like her cup of tea. She was probably surprised and kinda scared when her mom told her about it. You say that she has never really spoken to you, so she just might be sitting there wondering why you're (suppossedly) asking her to be a BM. Is there something else you can ask her to do, like maybe hand out the programs and/or birdseed/petals/bubbles for afterwards at the ceremony? Or do a reading?
As far as the FMIL goes, if it comes up, I would just say that when you spoke with her about it, you were THINKING of asking FSIL, but nothing was set in stone. You had decided to only ask the girls you are closest to in your life and don't want a large BP. (Hopefully, your BP is on the smaller size.) If she says that FSIL's feelings were hurt, then I'd tell her that that's really her fault for mentioning the POSSIBILITY of your asking her.
I'm very blunt and don't have time for b.s. in my life - while that hasn't won me a ton of fans, it has kept me sane through this wedding planning.
Good luck!
MrsDrinkh20
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
I will just say this...ask only those YOU want to be in your bridal party...i was 'forced' into asking certain family members and it ended up being nothing but a headache. I didnt have the warm and fuzzy bridal party. Do what YOU want...not what someone else wants! Good luck!
cateydee
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
is there some other job you can give her for the day of, like reading or distributing programs? if i didnt want someone in my BP, i wouldnt be guilted into it.
MrsH37
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
I would either explain the situation to FSIL and/or ask her to do something else in the wedding.
I had a bridesmaid who I asked in the beginning when we first got engaged and she said Yes at first. Over the next couple months she was not into anything and I asked her plainly 'do you want to be a bridesmaid or not because I do want you to be apart of my wedding day.' She said she wanted to but was so busy with school and everything that she would rather do something else...so now she is the piano player for my wedding instead cause she is one of the best pianists I know. She is much happier and I was able to ask another friend who I am really close with.
Soon2bShea
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
Thanks girls!! I think I will ask her to do a reading at the ceremony. I feel really bad but I have a REALLY BAD feeling of what things will be like if I ask her. I KNOW it will be nothing but a headache.
JAAMS
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Hmmm how old is FSIL? Is she much younger? Could she maybe be a JR BM?
Soon2bShea
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Posted by JAAMS
Hmmm how old is FSIL? Is she much younger? Could she maybe be a JR BM?
She's 16.
Ivansgirl
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Posted by kimmaymb20
i would ask her sorry but it will just cause alot more problems if you dont.
I agree!! If you don't it will be far worse than if you do
M_Berk-Glenn
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Posted by kimmaymb20
i would ask her sorry but it will just cause alot more problems if you dont.
ITA if shes young enough make her a jr BM...maybe she'll open up to you and you guys will develop a relationship
Nina1010
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem
If you're interested in creating a bond with her, I would ask her to be a BM. Its a great gesture on your part and you could really break the ice... if not, then why not ask her to do a reading or something equally important? You can explain that you know she's not into the whole BM thing from what her mom said, but you would really love it if she had an important part in your day. That way she won't be offended and you're doing good by everyone, including yourself.
