Bridesmaid Situation
OK...I'm probably going to regret 'going there', but I need to get this off my chest.
As it stands right now, after I finally ask all my girls to be in the party, and assuming they all accept, I'll have 6 BMs. My 2 sisters, cousin, FSIL, and 2 girlfriends. I haven't asked one of my girlfriends yet, and I'm having a really tough time deciding if I even should.
So this friend, we've been friends since 3rd grade, so 15 years. She's always been a little different. In elementary school, we were both the nerdy girls that everyone made fun of, so I guess we just gravitated towards each other. But then I changed a lot, and she didn't, and I feel that may have caused a little resentment. Barring one 2 year period in middle school where we lost touch, I never stopped being her friend though.
So the issue I'm having is that she's very negative. She does have a weird family life, and her parents aren't well, so she does have a lot of stress, but this has been going on way longer than that. She's the type of person who it's almost like they decided their lot in life was that they will not be happy, and they go out of their way to ENSURE that they are miserable, i.e. pushing people away. If you're not appeasing her with constant attention, she get's po-ed at you. I've just kind of accepted this because I've known her for so many years, and this is just the way she is.
So she's always made her backhanded comments over the years, but like I said, I just accepted it as who she is. Her mother is the same way, so apple doesn't fall far, even though it's not an excuse. Since I've been engaged, it's been tenfold. When I first told her, she was actually very rude. After saying wow (not even congrats, and didn't even sound thrilled), she went on to say that she doesn't believe in spending money on just one day, then proceeded to ask me what the ring looked like. I said that it was a solitaire, decent sized stone, and simple, not too much going on so not tacky. Her response: You, have something not tacky? Then she asked me how big it was, and I was like oh but speaking of tacky. 'You know you want to tell me' So I told her, and her response was 'Looks like someone spent a lot of money', then she abruptly said she had to go and hung up. So that bothered me a lot, because her tone was very rude.
Since then, when we've been talking on AIM, and she would ask what's up, if I said anything wedding related, it's always an answer. First time I said I was looking for shoes. 'Your wedding is in, what, 2 years? Chill out'. Actually it's a little over a year, thanks, and I have big feet so it will take that long to find something. Just the other day, oh, I just bought my dress and veil. 'Cuz your wedding is when again?' Sarcasm dually noted, dress is being discontinued this winter, thanks. So it's these kind of comments that I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis.
If ALL this wasn't enough, my other girlfriend who I have asked to be in the BP already and her had a falling out in the first year of college. Some issues from high school just bubbled over, and my friend stopped talking to this girl because of her personality basically, the rude comments constantly, and decided she wasn't close enough friends with her to want to make the effort to remain friends. So when I got engaged, my friend extended the olive branch to her and sent a message saying basically that she doesnt even remember why they stopped talking, but whatever it was, since I'm getting married, don't you think we should put it behind us for Ali's sake? Well, she ignored her for like a month. My BM kept asking if she had made any mention of it to me, which she hadn't. I finally sneakily got it out of her halfway, and all she said was that she had like 6 random people that had friend requested her on facebook, but she didn't accept them yet because 'she wasn't sure if it was something that she really wanted to do'. That really bothered me, because I know for a fact that my BM was one of them, because she did that along with her note. So, she wasn't sure if she really wanted to accept the olive branch even if it was for my sake? Um, alright.
And my mother is just mean and said not to have her because she'll ruin my pictures by not wearing makeup and having her hair in a ponytail. While I said that was out of line, it's also a little true, that she doesn't take care of herself and probably would put little to absolute no effort into anything. I've seen her at the prom, and also pictures from sorority formals in college. I know I'd have to pay for it myself and strap her down. My mother also thinks that if I do ask her, she'll actually say no.
So I basically don't know what to do. She has an incredibly rude way about her, but she has been my friend for 15 years. The last time we were hanging out, she mentioned that she was telling some coworker that 'her best friend got engaged', so I feel if I didn't ask her, it would be a big slap in the face. I'm not expecting much input or advice, and I'll probably end up having her anyways and dealing with it, but I just really needed to vent and get that off my chest.
As it stands right now, after I finally ask all my girls to be in the party, and assuming they all accept, I'll have 6 BMs. My 2 sisters, cousin, FSIL, and 2 girlfriends. I haven't asked one of my girlfriends yet, and I'm having a really tough time deciding if I even should.
So this friend, we've been friends since 3rd grade, so 15 years. She's always been a little different. In elementary school, we were both the nerdy girls that everyone made fun of, so I guess we just gravitated towards each other. But then I changed a lot, and she didn't, and I feel that may have caused a little resentment. Barring one 2 year period in middle school where we lost touch, I never stopped being her friend though.
So the issue I'm having is that she's very negative. She does have a weird family life, and her parents aren't well, so she does have a lot of stress, but this has been going on way longer than that. She's the type of person who it's almost like they decided their lot in life was that they will not be happy, and they go out of their way to ENSURE that they are miserable, i.e. pushing people away. If you're not appeasing her with constant attention, she get's po-ed at you. I've just kind of accepted this because I've known her for so many years, and this is just the way she is.
So she's always made her backhanded comments over the years, but like I said, I just accepted it as who she is. Her mother is the same way, so apple doesn't fall far, even though it's not an excuse. Since I've been engaged, it's been tenfold. When I first told her, she was actually very rude. After saying wow (not even congrats, and didn't even sound thrilled), she went on to say that she doesn't believe in spending money on just one day, then proceeded to ask me what the ring looked like. I said that it was a solitaire, decent sized stone, and simple, not too much going on so not tacky. Her response: You, have something not tacky? Then she asked me how big it was, and I was like oh but speaking of tacky. 'You know you want to tell me' So I told her, and her response was 'Looks like someone spent a lot of money', then she abruptly said she had to go and hung up. So that bothered me a lot, because her tone was very rude.
Since then, when we've been talking on AIM, and she would ask what's up, if I said anything wedding related, it's always an answer. First time I said I was looking for shoes. 'Your wedding is in, what, 2 years? Chill out'. Actually it's a little over a year, thanks, and I have big feet so it will take that long to find something. Just the other day, oh, I just bought my dress and veil. 'Cuz your wedding is when again?' Sarcasm dually noted, dress is being discontinued this winter, thanks. So it's these kind of comments that I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis.
If ALL this wasn't enough, my other girlfriend who I have asked to be in the BP already and her had a falling out in the first year of college. Some issues from high school just bubbled over, and my friend stopped talking to this girl because of her personality basically, the rude comments constantly, and decided she wasn't close enough friends with her to want to make the effort to remain friends. So when I got engaged, my friend extended the olive branch to her and sent a message saying basically that she doesnt even remember why they stopped talking, but whatever it was, since I'm getting married, don't you think we should put it behind us for Ali's sake? Well, she ignored her for like a month. My BM kept asking if she had made any mention of it to me, which she hadn't. I finally sneakily got it out of her halfway, and all she said was that she had like 6 random people that had friend requested her on facebook, but she didn't accept them yet because 'she wasn't sure if it was something that she really wanted to do'. That really bothered me, because I know for a fact that my BM was one of them, because she did that along with her note. So, she wasn't sure if she really wanted to accept the olive branch even if it was for my sake? Um, alright.
And my mother is just mean and said not to have her because she'll ruin my pictures by not wearing makeup and having her hair in a ponytail. While I said that was out of line, it's also a little true, that she doesn't take care of herself and probably would put little to absolute no effort into anything. I've seen her at the prom, and also pictures from sorority formals in college. I know I'd have to pay for it myself and strap her down. My mother also thinks that if I do ask her, she'll actually say no.
So I basically don't know what to do. She has an incredibly rude way about her, but she has been my friend for 15 years. The last time we were hanging out, she mentioned that she was telling some coworker that 'her best friend got engaged', so I feel if I didn't ask her, it would be a big slap in the face. I'm not expecting much input or advice, and I'll probably end up having her anyways and dealing with it, but I just really needed to vent and get that off my chest.
