Bridesmaid Vent

Ok...so I have this bridesmaid that I am now regretting that I asked to be in my bridal party. She has been my friend for about 3 years now and, mind you, she is a tad socially awkward. At first, she was so excited that I asked her to be in the wedding.

(Background) Over the past few months, she has been the biggest drama queen on this earth because she is graduating from paramedic school and super stressed out. We have gotten into it a few times about stupid things.

Last week, i told her that in 2 weeks, i have an appt. to go order my dress and I asked her, and a few other bridesmaids, if they wanted to come see it. First she told me 'No, I can't' and did not say why exactly. Turns out, she thought it was this Saturday...which i reminded her that it was not. Then I asked her again if she would be able to come. Her reply was, 'I plan to be hung over that morning because graduation is the day before.'

Now, as a fellow bride, please tell me that I should be mad at this. Is that not totally f***** up? I am seriously thinking of asking her to step down as a bridesmaid..knowing the consequences that might lead to our friendship suffering. However, I just think this is the last straw.

P.S. - Didn't see your edit... I wouldn't ask her to step down. I would ask her if she's willing and able to handle the few responsibilities she might have as your BM and see what she says. If she says that she will try to be there for you more often then fine, but if she says she doesn't want the burden - whether it's financial or a sacrifice of time - then whatever, but let her come to that realization on her own.. That way you're not a bridezilla

I do not think you should ask her to step down. IMO BMs do not have to be apart of everything that goes on. She is graduating and I assume is super excited for herself and if she plans to go out drinking I think she should not feel bad about it. She could have maybe said it a bit nicer but still people should not have to stop their lives because they are BMs.

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Posted by Im getting Married

I do not think you should ask her to step down. IMO BMs do not have to be apart of everything that goes on. She is graduating and I assume is super excited for herself and if she plans to go out drinking I think she should not feel bad about it. She could have maybe said it a bit nicer but still people should not have to stop their lives because they are BMs.

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ITA. I am sorry your are feeling hurt, but I would give her another chance, maybe when things settle in her life she will catch the 'wedding bug'. I know at this point my BM's really have had a very little involvement in the wedding planning.

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Posted by Im getting Married

I do not think you should ask her to step down. IMO BMs do not have to be apart of everything that goes on. She is graduating and I assume is super excited for herself and if she plans to go out drinking I think she should not feel bad about it. She could have maybe said it a bit nicer but still people should not have to stop their lives because they are BMs.

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I agree with this as well. I extend the invite for all my BMs to take part in things I am doing (like seeing my dress or any appts I go to) but I don't expect them at come. And some of them haven't been to things. One of my MOHs couldn't come see my dress in person when I ordered because her child got sick, which is completely understandable - her life doesn't stop just because I am getting married.

I do think the way your BM went about telling you and her wording was not nice at all.

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Posted by kristiesclafani

Hi Ladies. Thanks for your responses. I understand that BM's are not expected to do every single thing you ask them. That is not what I am talking about. It is the way she said it. Instead of saying she is sorry, but she wont be able to make it this time, she responds with rudeness. I am just going to let things blow over until after her graduation. Maybe she will be a little less stressed.

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I do agree she said it in a completely effed way and could have handled that a little better/nicer.

Just wait until after all the graduation hoopla is over with and then she how she is about the situation.

while your wedding is the most important thing going on in your life right now, it isn't the most important thing going on in hers. Her graduation, and the stress of school is the most important thing going on with her.

I'm sorry if my opinion is not popular, but did you ask if you could celebrate her graduation with her? That is super important to her right now. And in her world trumps getting up early to go shopping.

I do not think you should ask her to step down. IMO BMs do not have to be apart of everything that goes on. She is graduating and I assume is super excited for herself and if she plans to go out drinking I think she should not feel bad about it. She could have maybe said it a bit nicer but still people should not have to stop their lives because they are BMs.



ITA

Not everyone is excited to see someone else try on a dress even if it is that person's wedding. She could've responded a different way but that doesn't constitute asking her to step down. HOWEVER if you continue having arguments with her about the wedding and she gives you drama and the friendship feels more like work than friendship, I would ask her to step down. You can only take so much!




Edited cuz I forgot to quote! I haven't written on this site in a while and forgot to quote when I ITA. OY VEY!