BRIDESMAID VENT!! HELP!

I have a situation that I need help dealing with! I am stuck in the middle of this one! I wish I didn't know the details of this but I do.

I have a best friend who lives in TN and I asked her to be in my wedding. I don't have much family I am close with and only have 3 close girl friends. My best friend her in NY took it upon herself to lash out on my sister, who is my MOH. Telling her she feels my out of towner Bridesmaid should pay for the shower. And if she doesn't I should ask her to drop out if the wedding!! How can my sister ask her for money when she is not even going to be here for the shower? Isn't the same thing if I asked a family member who didn't live in NY to be in the wedding. My sister said if it was the other way around and it was a family member she wouldn't ask her for money.

My best friend here in NY then went into how her father has money he can pay for it. Personally, I don't see what business it is of hers. She doesn't know her and he pains me to see her act like this. She said Bridesmaids don't pay for a shower the Mother of the bride does. She says she thought the shower was only going to a $100 dollars! My sister already has been pricing things and she said even if my out of town bridesmaid lived in NY it would still be more than $100!

I don't understand what her dam problem is! I am the bride not her. It's my descion who I want in the wedding, not hers! I am just so sick of all the crap that has happened to me since I became engaged in October!

What do you all think??

Hmm Im a little confused on who's who and who is lashing out at your sister and for what reason...sorry....I'll read it a few times and see if I get it.....to be continued......

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Posted by sweetdoublenn

I am just so mad I just wrote what I feel..I'll go back and make some corrections!

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ok thanks!! Sorry!!

I just fixed it!!!

WELL You need to tell your bm she needs to stop telling everyone what they need to do and not worry about your bm in TN, she cant make decisions as to who stays or who is out.

I feel your pain. I dont even know if my girls are throwing me a shower, I think they expect my mom to. WHat is the rule on that anyway? I think you should just tell ALL your BM's that this is your wedding, and you asked them to play a special role in it for a reason, you dont want the drama to tear you apart, this is all supposed to make you closer!

I think the rules is that all the Bridesmais chip in for the Shower. I bet you I will have another issue when the Bachorlette party comes along!! UGHHHHH

It's such a hard call.. Personally I think all the BM should chip in..there or not b/c that's what their 'role' is.. but it's up to you and your relationship with this BM

So many people have different 'rules' about who pays for the shower.

I just had a discuss with one of my BM and FSIL she told me that the MOH is supposed to pay for the entire thing..favor and all. I was shocked.. but this is the way they did it in her family. My circle of friends...the mother paid for the place and the BMs just did favors and decorations.

My mother passed away so my sister/MOH is going to pay and have the girls do the favor and deocarations and of course the gift.. my fsil was surprised that she had to eve pay for that.

It's a no win situation..everyone has different expectations when it comes to money.

Sorry to hear about your mom ... :(


That is the key word here...MONEY!!! When I was planning on the wedding party, she suggested I have her in the wedding!!! So what is the problem!!! She needs to butt out and stop being a fricken diva.

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Posted by sweetdoublenn

That is the key word here...MONEY!!! When I was planning on the wedding party, she suggested I have her in the wedding!!! So what is the problem!!! She needs to butt out and stop being a fricken diva...

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another thing is...you shouldn't be dealing with this!! You should know NOTHING about what's going on..they need to keep the drama away from you!!

I don't get why people to that to the brides!!! So frustrating!!!

Just nod your head with your BM and then do what you want. She's not in control but I wouldn't 'tell her off' or anything..just say uh hu and move along!!

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Posted by wifetobe

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Posted by sweetdoublenn

That is the key word here...MONEY!!! When I was planning on the wedding party, she suggested I have her in the wedding!!! So what is the problem!!! She needs to butt out and stop being a fricken diva...

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another thing is...you shouldn't be dealing with this!! You should know NOTHING about what's going on..they need to keep the drama away from you!!

I don't get why people to that to the brides!!! So frustrating!!!

Just nod your head with your BM and then do what you want. She's not in control but I wouldn't 'tell her off' or anything..just say uh hu and move along!!

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Well this all happened online. They were chatting back and forth on Aim and my sister was getting really mad because basically she was being a
B@#$%!! And my sister told her that if that's the way she feels to e-mail my TN BM. She denied it. MY sister dropped it and moved on from that.

But why do I have to know about it??!!!

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Posted by wifetobe

It's such a hard call.. Personally I think all the BM should chip in..there or not b/c that's what their 'role' is.. but it's up to you and your relationship with this BM

So many people have different 'rules' about who pays for the shower.

I just had a discuss with one of my BM and FSIL she told me that the MOH is supposed to pay for the entire thing..favor and all. I was shocked.. but this is the way they did it in her family. My circle of friends...the mother paid for the place and the BMs just did favors and decorations.

My mother passed away so my sister/MOH is going to pay and have the girls do the favor and deocarations and of course the gift.. my fsil was surprised that she had to eve pay for that.

It's a no win situation..everyone has different expectations when it comes to money.

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Personally I agree, I think all bridesmaids should pay too!! There or not!! I have 2 out of state girls that i'm not sure if they are going to my shower or not!! I hope they still chip in with my other girls tho!! I think that is the right thing to do!! Personally if it were my best friend I would be at her shower out of state or not - but that is just me!!

But everyone is different!! And I think it is between you and your Bm's individually!! Like I said before I think your other BM should not be telling your sister - MOH how to run your shower!! That is up to you and your sister - MOH!!

No, that hasn't been discussed. Even though she is a bm she is not gonna be here. I would feel the same way if it was a family member too.

Besides she is doing her part when she comes up here and taking me out celebrating!!!

Thanks for all your input ladies!!!!

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Posted by Espo22

WELL You need to tell your bm she needs to stop telling everyone what they need to do and not worry about your bm in TN, she cant make decisions as to who stays or who is out.

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agreed....a good friend would not put you in that position. im sorry to hear you're going through this. your shower should be such a happy celebration of your upcoming marriage...not to be tainted by your friend.