Hi.just have a question about bridal showers. Should I as the bride be able to say who i would like to have at my bridal shower?
One of my bridesmaid just said to me that the bridal shower is a surprise for me so I really don't have a say. And that she prefers to only invite my friends, although I'm close to my family and of the 20 people I want to invite about 13 are family. So if she only invites friends there would only be max. 7 people there, assuming all my friends come.
When I asked her why only friends, she said some of the things are not appropriate with family members there. I also hinted that I didn't want anything 'naughty' done at my bridal shower - only a simple brunch with my female friends and family. Am I wrong in wanting to invite family and friends? Please help!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
Yes, YOU give her the list of who gets invited to the shower. I have never heard of a shower that doesn't include the bride's family. Bachelorette party- yes. Thats where the 'naughty, inappropriate' things would be done. Shower- should definitely have family members. I think she might be mixing the two up
jen1007
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
You are not wrong at all... Your friends should realize that your bridal shower is a party for you and not a party for them. They should take into consideration what the bride wants. If your friend insists that she wants to have this shower with just the friends, that maybe you can have it as your bachelorette party and than have a normal brunch shower with family and friends.
Hisforever
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
the bride is suppose to give the bridal party the list of who they want at the bridal shower....
Thumballina
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
The bridal shower if for YOU the bride...and your family should most definately be there...I think she is confusing the shower with the bachlorette party...I would let her know this
neener1211
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
the bridal shower should have family members at it....some naughty things like lingerie go along with bridal showers, but family members are adults...nothing too too naughty should be at the bridal shower, leave that for the Bachelorette party...
you give her the list
eden
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
I kinda told her that she might be confused by the two - and that i absolutely DON'T want anything naughty done at my bridal shower - just a nice simple lunch will do.
She hinted that I have no say in what she's planning as it's supposed to be a surprise and that I should be happy that she's even planning the whole thing for me... *sigh*
I spoke to my other bridesmaids and they pretty much told me that whatever I want she should try to be accomodating... I'm not sure why she's upset at me for wanting my family there.
When I said if you only invite my friends and half don't show up (out of 7) then there's not much of a party there. She then goes 'well, maybe that's good, 'cus it'll cost less money.' :(
hcosgrove
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
You know, it sounds like maybe her issue is not the shower and who is at it, but the cost. If that is the case, maybe you should have a discussion with her about that. She needs to understand that agreeing to be someone's bridesmaid means there will be a certain amount of cost involved and if she can't swing it, she should politely decline. Its not proper ettiqute for her to accept the honor and then try to buck tradition to save a few dollars. I avoided this whole issue with my bridesmaids by asking my mother to forgo any gifts or cash she intended to give me and pay for and plan the shower. This way, no one can complain about the cost and my mother and I get the shower we expect for our family. I don't know you or this girl or your history, but she sounds a little selfish to me.
eden
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
Posted by hcosgrove
You know, it sounds like maybe her issue is not the shower and who is at it, but the cost. If that is the case, maybe you should have a discussion with her about that. She needs to understand that agreeing to be someone's bridesmaid means there will be a certain amount of cost involved and if she can't swing it, she should politely decline. Its not proper ettiqute for her to accept the honor and then try to buck tradition to save a few dollars. I avoided this whole issue with my bridesmaids by asking my mother to forgo any gifts or cash she intended to give me and pay for and plan the shower. This way, no one can complain about the cost and my mother and I get the shower we expect for our family. I don't know you or this girl or your history, but she sounds a little selfish to me.
I really don't understand why cost should even be an issue for her. So far she hasn't had to shell out any money for my wedding. I paid for all the bridesmaid dresses and am paying for their hair/makeup and am getting each of them a gift.
I even pay for us everytime I ask her to go out with me dress shopping or doing weding related activities. I even go so far as paying for her friend's lunch/dinner too when she invites them to come along with us...
What's a girl to do? I just know my family is gonna hear from her and end up thinking I'm being demanding.... :(
hcosgrove
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this right now. You have enough to worry about and this is the one thing that is supposed to be done for you. Everyone always says they really enjoyed their shower becasue they didn't have to do any of the planning and just show up and have a nice time!! And I can't believe you paid for the dresses, that is beyond kind and extremely unusual. So you are right, she should be thanking you right now and not worrying at all about the cost. I suggest you speak to some of the women in your family to see if you can do something without her being involved in the planning. If you don't, your family will be angry that there wasn't a proper shower and you'll be dealing with their anger a lot longer than you'll be dealing with her's, like for the rest of your life!! And in the end, she will be the one that looks demanding, not you!! If you go to your family first, before they start calling her, you'll have the upper hand becasue they will all know she was too cheap to throw a proper shower. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!!
eden
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
Thank you for listening to me vent. I feel so much better knowing I'm not being unrealistic or demanding here... I will talk to my two other bridesmaid and let them know my feelings to get their support.
NY031978
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
toy give a list of who YOU want there! You def have family members there...my family would be sooo insulted if they didnt get invited!
OctoberPrincess2006
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Re: Bridesmaid Wants Bridal Shower W/O Family??
I gave a list of who I wanted to be there, that is what is suppose to be done. If it is a money issue talk to her about it. My mother is actually throwing my bridal shower, with VERY little help from my MOH.
