Bridesmaid/GFriend Dilemma - UPDATE!!!!

Here's my dilemma......

I have three girlfriends with whom I hang out all the time. Of those three girlfriends, I selected only ONE to be in my bridal party - the MOH.

I selected the MOH based on the fact that she really is a friend. I can count on her to calm me down when the stress of being a bride inevitably creeps up. She's a no problem, easy to get along with person. Thus far, she's been there for me not stressing me out one iota. She provides me input when requested and lets me be when she has to. She can also more easily afford the costs associated with being a bridesmaid/MOH. I in turn get to keep costs down by not having to cover extra bouquets, RD costs, limo, gifts and anything else I might have left out because I am on a strict budget

On Friday, I broke the news to one of my girlfriends that I would only be including one of them in the bridal party. She was very dissapointed to say the least. I saw her expression & it hurt me terribly. After she recovered a bit, she asked me just to please make sure that she'd be there while I was getting dressed because if that wasn't the case, then she'd really freak out. Yesterday, she left me a voice mail asking me not to compare her with one of the other friends. The comparison I made alluded to the fact that the other girlfriend had been in a weddding in which she spent a lot of $ and would not even be able to wear her BM dress again because she hated it.

So now, I'm debating if I should include all three of my girlfriends in the bridal party. What should I do??

I should also mention that the reason I didn't select the girlfriend that is upset is because she's very intense. What I mean by this is that she's already asked me all sorts of questions regarding the wedding that the MOH has not. I know she has great organizational skills. I let her know that she would be part of a lot of the stuff because she is my friend. I would definately have all three included in the bachelorette party as well as some planning stuff.

Anyways, sorry this is so long.

I'm counting on you guys here for some guidance.

Thanks!

ETA - I spoke to my girlfriend earlier today and asked her how she really felt about the whole thing. She said she was OK with the situation as I had explained it to her. At that point I mentioned to her that it was really her choice of being in the BP or not. I let her know that she didn't have to respond to meat that very moment she said 'to tell you the truth, I really like being in BP's, I like the whole wedding stuff'. And with that my folks, she is in my BP. This also means that I will ask my 3rd GF to see if she also wants to be included.
Thanks each and every single one of you for all your comments. I really appreciated them.

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Posted by tricia3381

thats a tough one. if she is truely ur friend she will be always be friends with regardless of the fact she is not in ur bridal party. it seems like u made the right decision based on the fact that shes already stressing u out and shes not even in the brial party. i say stick to ur guns, and this too shall pass.

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Tricia,
Thanks for the response. This is what I'm still leaning towards. I guess I can't help feeling bad about it. I haven't called her back because I rather see her in person and talk to her again. I really do like her as a friend, except this is just a difficult decision. I've tried placing myself in her position and I really don't think I'd be upset about it. Weddings involve tough decisions.

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Posted by eunicsd006

IF UR REALLY GOOD FRIENDS SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND ALTHOUGH I MYSELF WOULD HAVE RATHER GOTTEN A BETTERE XCUSE AS TO WHY I WASNTS PART OF THE BP....ESPECIALLY WHEN MOST BRIDES DO NOT STICK TO THEIR BUDGET...I INCLUDED ALL MY FRIENDS AND TRIM DOWN THE COST ON OTHER THINGS....AND I FEEL GREAT BESIDES I WOULD BE HURT IF MY GIRLS WERE GETTIN MARRIED AND I WASNT INVOLVED

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Eunics,
Thanks for your point of view, I appreciate it.

One question though, are you saying that financial obligations - both on her side and mine would not be enough for you? I know she's had some financial difficulties and she's trying really hard to save up and buy her own place so that was a reason.

How would I explain to her that her stressing me out is not an option without further hurting her feelings??? Don't get me wrong, I truly do love her as a friend with her virtues and faults. Some people have even asked me how I put up with her. The way I put up with her is because when she has her 'moments', I totally ignore her. I just don't know if I'd be able to do that as a bride.

It's a hard situation to be in. You don't want to hurt anyone but in the end someone always seems to get hurt. How was the third friend? Was she upset? If not then I would include your intense friend-maybe it really means a lot to her and I would have her if she has been a good friend-which it sounds like she has.

Honestly it's a shame that some people can stress you out before the wedding planning even begins. I think that if you hang out with them equally it's only naturally that they would assume they would be in your wedding so of course they may be a little hurt by your decision to not include them in the BP. And although you were trying to be considerate to them by stating you don't think they would be financially prepared to be in your wedding that's kind of a decision you should let them make so I could see why that reason might not be good enough for them. On the reverse side the fact that you don't want to have the added expense sounds more reasonable. I would try to sit them down and explain to them that you are trying to stay within a certain budget and that to add more people to the bridal party could mean adding another $300-$500 that you just don't have. Explain to them a description of what those cost would be like the BOK's and the BOUT's as well as BP gifts. Explain to them that you value their friendship equally but you could only choose one person but you'd like to include them in other ways. If you don't have a DOC maybe you could have the friend who is good at organization play this role. You could provide her with a list of tasks for the day of and this would keep her very busy maybe too busy to stress you out As for the other friend perhaps she could do a reading at the ceremony or play some other role in your wedding. There are plenty of roles in the wedding other than being in the BP and you could have them spend the night the day before the wedding so on the day of everyone can share in your process of getting ready. At the end of the day you don't want to hurt people but you and FI have to do what makes you both comfortable it's your day and it will cost you more to make everyone else happy on your day.

well...that is a difficult situation but honestly if that were me I wouldn't be able to only pick one. Especially if all 3 of you are always together...
I totally understand your reasons but I am just letting you know what I would do. But it totally depends on the bonds you have with each of them...The only thing is that now...if you ask her she may feel like you never really wanted her in the first place BUT if she is your true friend she will understand and let it go and enjoy helping you plan your wedding. Good Luck!!

Guys, thanks so much for the input. I can't type anything much at this point as I'm late for work, but I'll be back tonight. It's a shame that I cannot access these boards from work but I can access the Knot one.

Or perhaps I can 'work' from home today. That might be a possibility.......I'll see.....