Bridesmaids

laurenandmike618 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 12:40 AM

Bridesmaids

So I live on LI and FH lives in Massachusetts. Most his family lives in MA, with the exception of his sister who went to college in Chicago and now lives there with her husband (got married two years ago in Boston- I attended but was not involved, even though FH and I were engaged, but that is 100% fine, as we are not close). FH has two sisters, and the younger still lives in MA. I very rarely go to MA to visit since he went to school here on LI. I never really was fond of younger FSIL because she is self-centered, spoiled and not always nice to me. Her parents also favor the girls much more than FH and he has to do a LOT for younger FSIL who is 21 yrs old and capable. Older FSIL, however, is a real sweetheart. Regardless, I am not close with either, not even friends with them.

As it is, I have 7 bridesmaids (1 sister, 2 cousins, 4 very close friends). FH today told me that his younger sister 'wants to be in the wedding.' He asked what the chances were of the sisters 'being in the wedding' and I said 'zero'.. lol. He said that was fine, especially as we had discussed this a while ago already. I did, however, tell him I'd be completely okay with each sister doing a reading at the ceremony in the church. Opinions?? Thanks in advance!!

Wifeynella Posted: Sep 10, 2008 05:04 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

If FH is definitely ok with them not being in the wedding that you don't have to have them.

you can have them read and get them a small corsage to make them stand out..

lyss0908 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 05:11 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

If FH is ok with it then GO FOR IT and DO NOT QUESTION it further Consider yourself lucky. I had to put FH cousin in my BP and his SIL. I have 10 girls now b/c pf it. Would have been happy with my 8, You're lucky!!

mosh424 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 05:51 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

I think doing a reading is very important. Don't feel bad about not having her in it. It is your day and you want your closest friends and family standing beside you!

Kricket212 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 06:49 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

I would say ok as long as FH tells the family is both of your decisions so your not made at to be the bad person. If you have room for 2 more girls.....that would be really nice on your part.......family's family & maybe you can get to know them.

MsPotterhead Posted: Sep 10, 2008 07:36 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

I think its fine as long as they each do a reading. Even though you are not crazy about them, they are his sisters, and you might regret it later in life if you do not include them in some way. Doing a reading is a great idea!

KRISTIND Posted: Sep 10, 2008 07:50 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

Does older FSIL have a child that you could invole, FG or RB?

Camroy Posted: Sep 10, 2008 08:29 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

I don't think you have to include her as a bridesmaid. FH is one of 6. Both of his brothers are in the bridal party but none of his sisters. We are having a total of 8 people in the bridal party. 4 on each side. They aren't upset and neither is FH thankfully. His sisters all live out of state and so does his one brother. I would have her do a reading. Get her a corsage for the day also and try to make her feel special and don't feel so bad not including her as a bridesmaid.

DrWho Posted: Sep 10, 2008 08:36 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

You have a crazy number of BM's as it is. DH's sisters did our readings, it's perfectly fine. Don't let them back you down if she throws a hissy fit.

laurenandmike618 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 10:52 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

Thanks for all the opinions/advice!! Yes I am very lucky that FH is totally okay with not having them be BMs, and he was SO HAPPY when I said it would be great for them to do the two readings in the church. I think it was a wonderful idea to give them each a corsage to make them stand out a bit... AWESOME idea!! Luckily FH doesn't really like his younger sister. Don't get me wrong- he loves her and cares about her very much, but he can't stand her attitude and personality. I'm sure he will make sure he tells the family it was OUR decision to not make them BMs, and I'll be sure to talk to him about it first. Just as an example of how she is... When he was telling her about our plans (I leave for med school next year, we get married in June of 2010... but I'm starting planning now since I'll be in med school the year leading up to the wedding), instead of saying 'Oh great, I'm so happy for you!' her exact response was 'I better be in it.' That's just how she is and it's unfortunate.

However, once FH tells them that I already have 7 BMs as it is, and it is going to be difficult enough just to get all of THEM together, and it would be even harder with one sister living in MA and the other living in Chicago, I think they'll understand and agree... It just wouldn't make any sense, and like I said, I really don't even know them. I'm sure they will be happy to hear that they each get to do the First Reading and the Second Reading, and like you said... getting them each a corsage would make them stand out so I think that's a wonderful idea!!

baba022 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 10:58 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

I cant see it being a prob if fh is ok with it. Just make it so that way they are part of the wedding...
I have this issue with my first cousin...he lives in vegas, but i may just have him and my uncle walk my mom down the isle....

laurenandmike618 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 10:59 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

Oh and as for any of their children being involved... Older FSIL is expecting baby #1 this March, so God be willing all goes well, her baby will only be one year old at the time of the wedding, so a bit too young to be FG or RB. We think that my cousin's daughter will be FG (she will be 4) and his cousin's son will be RB (he will be 5). I think that works out pretty well.

laurenandmike618 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 11:02 AM

Re: Bridesmaids

Yeahh.. exactly. Yes FH is fine with it and loves the idea of them doing readings... but his family is a bit cliquey so I'm sure I'll have to hear it from someone about them not being BMs but honestly, older FSIL will have a baby by then and as it is, I'm sure she will be completely preoccupied and I really don't think she expects to be a BM. Hopefully younger FSIL will see it the same way... I can't worry about it too much, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't an evil person lol.

dedecakes Posted: Sep 10, 2008 05:52 PM

Re: Bridesmaids

I never understand why people always say, 'If you have too many people in your wedding party, just have them do a reading.' Doing a reading in front of over 100 people is not exactly my cup of tea....and I know 90% would agree with me that they do not like public speaking. So, I would definitely rethink the reading. I would only ask those that are COMPLETELY comfortable with standing up in front of so many people to read.

dedecakes Posted: Sep 10, 2008 05:56 PM

Re: Bridesmaids

One more thing..If you have a brother, did FH ask him to be in the wedding? I asked FH's sister, so I felt like it would be the right thing to do for FH to ask my brother...so he did. If, FH has no groomsmen that you were close with first (friends or relatives), you have no obligation to include his sisters in the wedding party.

You could also ask them to hand out programs or bells/bubbles outside. That is special, but doesn't require a huge responsibility.

PegaLega Posted: Sep 10, 2008 06:01 PM

Re: Bridesmaids

I would just have her do a reading.

I didnt have Dhs sister in the bp, nor did she do a reading. We both felt that the BP and our sides were/are meant for the people WE are each close to. Not those that are going to be family. Especially if you are not close I dont think you should have to make her a BM for the sake of that.

laurenandmike618 Posted: Sep 10, 2008 06:04 PM

Re: Bridesmaids

Well FH said they would love to do it, even though he hasn't spoken to them about it. Younger FSIL did the MOH toast at her sister's wedding in front of 150 people at Boston's Copley Plaza and older FSIL is pretty much the same way when it comes to talking in front of lots of people so I'm sure they wouldn't have a problem with it. And like I said, FH said 'Oh they'd love to do that' so I'm pretty sure that's good. They're both very outgoing girls, too.

And no, no one that I'm friends with or related to is a groomsman. They're all 'his' people. And again, if I were close with the girls, I'd love to include them... but I honestly barely even know them.