Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
SwissMiss06
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Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
HELP GUYs! I've posted this on another thread last week, but I'm still struggling with it and I could use some advice/wisdom! I am pretty sure that I dont' want my dad to walk me down the aisle and out of respect for my brother, who is still extremely close with our father, I called him to discuss this. I repeatedly told my bro that I haven't officially decided who would walk me down the aisle, but I wanted his advice about how I should talk to dad about it. I wasn't sure if it should be my stepdad, an uncle I am close to, or myself, but I am pretty sure I don't want my absentee dad to just waltz in on my big day and act like he's been there for me throughout my life. SOO, my bro told me how upset he was about this, and then has done exactly what I was afraid he would do - he won't let his kids be in my wedding because I've apparently disrespected our father. I'm so upset I can't even think straight. The worst part is that I haven't even decided yet whether my father would walk me down the aisle or not! UGHHH. This is horrible. How can someone be so G-D- SELFISH! And my bro hasn't even told me yet - he's simply not returning my calls....very chicken of him....instead he had our mother tell me when I asked if we could all go dress shopping for my niece this past weekend (mom and bro's families live upstate so I was going to visit them all this weekend for Mother's Day!)....my mom told me that she thought my brother should tell me himself but when he stopped returning my phone calls about the wedding I knew something was up. He told her that he doesn't feel it's right for his children to be in my wedding if I feel it is acceptable to not have our father walk me down the aisle. How can someone do this to their own children - niece would be a junior bridesmaid - she's old enough to know what's going on. I hate divorce!!! Sorry for the rant! Anybody have words of advice???
Angel2006
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Whhhhhhhhhooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Wow, it sounds like your brother is really upset HOWEVER, it is your day and your choice as to who walks you down the aisle. I totally agree with your decision to not want an absentee father walk you down the aisle. If your brother cant understand that then I don't know what to tell you./ I can suggest that you somehow make your brother atleast listen as to why you don;t want your dad to walk you.. I am sure that it is no surprise to him that your dad was not there for most of your life.
Good luck!
sr081906
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
I am not sure anyone can tell you what to do. You have to do what is right for YOU. Not to please your brother or anybody else.
I am not in talking term with my father and have no contact with him. My younger sister decided to take his side regardless of the 'consequences' and not being in talking term with the rest of her siblings.
Apparently she cannot disassociate herself from my father and whatever he does, she will do.
In the end, that's not up to me what she does.
If that mean that I cannot talk to her because I am not talking to my father... so be it! She has no right to force me to keep a relationship with my father. I don't tell her what to do, I don't expect any less from her.
It's unfortunate that your brother makes you 'pay' on your wedding day.
I would tell him that the issue between your father and you is just that... Between your father and you. Nobody else!
October Bliss
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Personally, I would not allow myself to be blackmailed into having someone I don't want by my side just so I can have someone I do want to participate have a role.
Since he is not returning your phone calls I would try DAILY email and snail mail. Explain to him that your decision is not final (or in fact even made as of yet), but that you wanted to have a grown up coversation with him about the subject before actually making a decision, and that HIS childish behavior is now making this impossible, and that his decision to punish his own children over YOUR decision is stupid.
Katie&Chris2006
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Posted by October Bliss
Personally, I would not allow myself to be blackmailed into having someone I don't want by my side just so I can have someone I do want to participate have a role.
Since he is not returning your phone calls I would try DAILY email and snail mail. Explain to him that your decision is not final (or in fact even made as of yet), but that you wanted to have a grown up coversation with him about the subject before actually making a decision, and that HIS childish behavior is now making this impossible, and that his decision to punish his own children over YOUR decision is stupid.
I agree. And I just want to applaud you for thinking about making a decision that it is a difficult one - if it is not right for you, don't do it!
Brassgirl9
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
I think if you don't feel comfortable having your dad walk you down the aisle then you shouldn't. I actually think your mom should! Your brother isn't respecting your feelings, it's your wedding not his. Maybe if he is not returning your calls you can send him a letter. It's a sticky situation and I wish I could help more. Sounds like your brother is giving you an ultimatum. Not cool
Tatum&Steve
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
I think Mom should do the walking too! Weddings tend to get sticky when it comes to family, even though it shouldn't. I feel bad that you are in this situation, your bro should be grown up enough to realize that this is your wedding, not his, I am sure you wouldn't have done something like this at his.
Blu-ize
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Have you rmom walk you down. How disrespectful of your brother to impose on you like that. Good, happy for him that he's close to your dad, but you are not.
It's manipulative and mean. Your brother needs a good azz kicking.
JandJ1224
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
I am in a similar situation as I have chosen to not have my dad walk me down the aisle (also divorced) and now the little relationship that we did have is gone. There was all kind of drama about this issue and at this point I am not really talking to my dad which is fine by me. I am choosing to walk down the aisle alone. I think it is hard bc people don't realize that it is not an easy decision to make, and it really hurts to not have that special relationship with your dad where you want him to walk you down. I hope that you will find peace in your situation and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your selfish brother.
NY031978
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
well if your dad isnt active in your life my personal feeling is dont have him. i mean yes hes your father but if he hasnt been in your life why do it just to show ppl that he DAD? why cant you have your mom give you away...are you close w/ her???
ewickens
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
We all know this is a difficult decision to make, but above all else, you need to decide what will make you happy. This is your and FH's wedding to commence your love for one another - those that are partaking in the ceremony should be those that have helped and guided you through life so far and been there for you in good times and bad. Based on what you stated, your father hasn't configured into these roles. Allow him as a guest and figure out someone else to take that special role on your arm. Your brother needs to grow up and not use blackmail - esp at the point he's using his own daughter to do it! Ask you mother, uncle or stepfather - whatever suits you, but make sure it's something you are happy about and not settling with!!!
SwissMiss06
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Thanks so much, girls! You've reassured me about my gut choices and I really appreciate this.
ef922
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Isn't the idea behind the father walking the bride down the aisle to 'give her away'? If your father hasn't been there for you, he doesn't earn the right to do so. IMHO, I feel that your brother is acting extremely selfish and you should make the decision based on what's in YOUR heart and not his.
cmc
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
I'm going to walk down the isle by myself and I prefer it that way for a number of reasons.
I think walking by yourself would be wonderful. If not, I would walk with whomever you feel closest to that you truely deserves the honor.
You want to feel comfortable with your decision.
Good luck!
OctoberPrincess2006
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
IMO If it is going to cause too many problems, my advice would be to walk yourself down, so that no one will get offended.
SwissMiss06
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....UPDATE
I saw my niece and nephew this weekend and they are both so sweet it breaks my heart to think they are being hurt in this situation. My niece even made me a scrapbook of my engagement! She took a memo book from the bridal $ section at Target and glued in photos of the days FH proposed and she put stickers about love all over it. It really is one of the sweetest, nicest, most thoughtful gifts I've ever received. I wasn't allowed to talk about the wedding with them and my brother still isn't answering my phone calls. When he came to pick the kids up, all he did was talk about the Red Sox...no mention at all about the wedding, not returning any phone calls, etc. Oh I wish I could just steal the kids away.....
mbm750
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Posted by Katie&Chris2006
Posted by October Bliss
Personally, I would not allow myself to be blackmailed into having someone I don't want by my side just so I can have someone I do want to participate have a role.
Since he is not returning your phone calls I would try DAILY email and snail mail. Explain to him that your decision is not final (or in fact even made as of yet), but that you wanted to have a grown up coversation with him about the subject before actually making a decision, and that HIS childish behavior is now making this impossible, and that his decision to punish his own children over YOUR decision is stupid.
I agree. And I just want to applaud you for thinking about making a decision that it is a difficult one - if it is not right for you, don't do it!
I wholeheartedly agree, and if he can't be mature, then if it were me, I'd find replacements for his kids. It's unfair of him to punish them, but I don't think you should give in to him either if walking with your dad is ultimately not what you decide will make you happy.
N.Y.bride
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Re: Bro mad about me not having dad walk me down the aisle.....
Well, your brother is DEFINATELY in the wrong. He should not be controlling how your wedding is planned. If you dont feel comfortable with an absentee dad walking you down the aisle on YOUR big day then dont do it. I would probably either walk myself or have your absentee dad walk you half way and your step dad to walk you the other half.
Either way, if your brother keeps his children from YOUR wedding because he doesnt like who YOU pick to walk you down the aisle, then its sad, but forget about him. Hopefully he will come around.
