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Broke up!!!!!

Original post by lttlbunny

Well my H and I broke up. It's over, and I am beyond upset, I don't know what to do where to go, nothing. I feel so lost.
We have been bickering lately and getting on each other nerves but last night it came to an end. We were at my sisters, who was doing her very first holiday and first holiday in her new house, where she was so excited. During dinner he mentioned she has a TV in her kitchen and said so we have to have one, I said no because when i was little dinner time was family time to talk and be with each other and i dont want a TV. Then he said something to my mother like did you have a tv in the kitchen, she said we did but got rid of it when I was 3. We were literally talking calmly, no yelling nothing.
My mother says this he turns to me screaming, in front of my entire family. 'B*o* Me! and goes on this rant how I better think before I speak and never saying never to him, and blah blah blah. Then he tells my mother not to write anymore checks for our wedding because he knew that we were not going to see DEcember. saying how he feels like he wants to cheat on me blah blah blah.
I sat there and was in dead shock. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to scream get out, but I didn't want to continue the scene.
After this we continued dinner calmly and tried to have regular dinner talk. After dinner he went into another room and my mother and sister began to ask questions, what is going on, is this true, is there going to be a wedding and such. My mother started to cry because she did not want us to break up, my sister kept saying i know you guys are going to make up.
Extremely long story short, he left before me and i was talking with my sister bother in law and mom and they were just going everything he said again.
When I left I had lots of missed calls, called him when I got home where he began to scream at me that i better answer when he calls and what a b*&?h i am finally i said i can't do this anymore, and he said he could not either and was just staying with me these past 5 months b.c he didn't want to hurt me, but now he has had enough and can't continue to want to marry me.
He called me earlier today and i thought maybe he wanted to talk, all he wanted to know is if I called and cancelled our hall, photographer church and stuff. I havent done anything like that I am way to depressed and think that this may just be a fight, he on the other hand is certain its done. I am so upset, don'tknow what to do. I haven't told anyone but my mother and sister about this they are supportive but upset.
I feel lost, I don't know what to do. I feel sick over this and so alone.
mskittynj Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

I'm really sorry you are going through this sweetie!!!!
Every relationship is different I don't know you enough to give you advice on what to do. As time passes I think you will see what you should do. It's very heated right now, so I would take a few days to think things through. Just remember you are a good person inside and whatever happens you deserve a good life with someone who loves you and respects you. Good luck!!!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty
StarryEyedBride Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

I am so sorry to hear that, but no one should ever speak to you that way sweetie! not ever! It was terribly disrespectful to bring this up in front of your family. Maybe this happened for a reason , and after the hurt, you'll be better off. I am soo soo sorry you have to go through this
kitty1224 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

Hang in there, from your post he sounds like a jerk and in the end you are better off. Stay strong.
Lissy3077 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

i'm so sorry to hear that, all things happen for a reason, hang in there...

kat74 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

It must feel horrible to have this happen but in reality (even though it doesn't fell like it right now) you are lucky.... If this is how he acts when he is upset & doesn't know how to express himself like a normal, calm human being-- YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.... you don't deserve to be spoken to that way... He has a lot of growing up to do. Being spoken to in that manner is not acceptable--under any curcumstances-- & expecially not under the ones you described!
Count your blessings. Take time for yourself & you will heal & become stronger from such a painful experience.
lisaslove Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

im so sorry to hear
lilangel Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

WOW!!! Sweatheart I know it hurts but if you ask me you are better off not marrying him. I mean he pretty much belittled you in from of your family.

Jerk is too kind of a word for a man like him so lets call it what it is. He is an A$$hole. I know this is my opinion and I am sorry to come out that way. But I hate to see men treat women like this because honestly I went through it myself. But now I have someone who adores me and who would never do something like that, especially in front of my family.

You deserve so much better than that and if he does not see it and cant offer love and devotion to you then sweetheart move on because you are too good of a person to be treated like that.
eunicsd006 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

omg im sry that u have to o through this....im not going to say that ur better off or that hes a jerk becuase ultimately we cant predict the future and who knowsw if ull get back...i say this because ive gone through a similar thing with fh and it turned out at that time he was going through some sh*t....anyway i still think that u should have a good talk with him even if its over we all need closure and u desrve an explanation....who knows he may just be overwhelmed...if not than be glad he showed u his ugly side before the wedding.....ull be fine take a day to pamper urself and have a girls nite out....good luck
MnM52607 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

I am so sorry. I hope everything works out.
suzzi7404 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

omg I'm so sorry to hear what a devistating weekend you had. I know it's not going to help right now, but everything hapens for a reason and if he's talking about how he feels he wants to cheat on you then he's not meant for you and it's better to find out now then later.

tricia3381 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

first heres some
second, from reading ur posts it seems like ur sooo much better w/o this guy. I know you can't see it now, but eventually you will learn theres a reason why this happened. In the end everything will work itself out. You sound like you have an amazing and supportive family, who help u with this difficult time. We are always here for you too!!!!
RobbsWifey Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!


Posted by Dee606
I am so sorry. I know that you are very upset right now but I believe that everything happens for a reason. His behavior sounds abusive, disrespectful & controlling to me. You are better off & will no doubt find a man who will treat you like a princess.
Try & be strong!


I couldn't agree more. My FH would NEVER speak to me like that let alone in front of my family! My ex-boyfriend that I dated a little over a year from years ago however, always behaved badly towards me like that anywhere and everywhere, and always over stupid crap. I finally went num towards him and didn't care anymore and that's why he's my ex. Best decision I ever made! Sometimes as hard and hurtful as it is, we need a harsh situation to wake us up to realize that no man is worth that kind of verbal abuse, which you've said he's done plenty of in the past. But you learn now that YOU'RE worth it and you deserve 100 times better. I just couldn't imagine forgiving anyone who claims they love me, yet wishes they would chat on me. It really does give you an insight into the future. I think we've all learned in our life that there are people who just don't change, not for the long run at least. You go away with a couple of your girlfriends and relax on a beach for at least a week. In time, you'll look back and maybe you'll see that the bad times out numbered the good ones and you'll remember all those other times he was hurtful to you, and from my personal, past experience, remembering all those hurtful situations will make it that much easier to get over him b/c you'll see the big picture more clearer. You'll see it like you were an outsider looking in on the situation. I'm sure your mom and sister will be happy to take care of any wedding stuff for you. They sound like wonderful women to have in your life. Those are the real people who truly know and love you. Best of luck to you and please let us know how you're doing.
lttlbunny Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!! Update!!

Well first I want to thank all you girls for you kind words and support. Friday was the real rough day for me. Since then I have done lots of thinking and talking to my mom, sister and friends. I actually feel alright. I realize that this was the BEST decision for me. If this is how he is now, it can only get worse and I refuse to be an abused woman. I do agree that his behavior is borderline abusive and I don't deserve that.
I don't deserve to be with a person who wants to control my every move or my money, who is jealous, has massive trust issues and who will verbally abuse me over nothing.
I will get through this and will ultimately one day find a man who will love and respect me as is and never treat me as my ex did.
The hard part is going to be calling the hall, photographer church and such to cancel, but I will have to keep in mind this is the best gift I can give to myself.
Thank you girls for all your support and kinds words. I wish you all well and many years of happiness with the men you are with! One day I will find someone who will me as good to me.
RobbsWifey Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Please keep in touch and take that much deserved beach vacation with your friends.
SN2BMRSBURTE Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

I'm so sorry
I kinda know how you feel, I was not engaged to him, but my ex-boyfriend was like that to me right before we broke up. I was so upset after we broke up, I just wanted to get back together. But now I realize that it was a blessing in disguise. It turns out he was cheating on me the whole time we were together..8 yrs!!... After I found that out, and had time to think I was sooooooo glad we didn't stay together because we would have ended up getting divorced eventually.

I know your situation is differant because you were engaged, and excited for your wedding, etc. Trust me, it sounds like it is for the better, and in my opinion, he started that fight on purpose in front of your family hoping it would be a big blow out. That's what guys do when they wanna break up with girls, but don't wanna see them cry. He probably figured instead of tears, you would be soooo pissed you would say you wanted to end it. He knew that it would be the worst thing to do, to disrespect you and your family at dinner. Especially because he said he has wanted to end it.

So, I know it is hard, but you need to realize that you are the better person here, and that you do NOT deserve to be treated like that. I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but you will find someone who treats you good. If I were you, I would just pretend he fell off the Earth, that's what I did with my ex, and I found my FH

You have to think positive, look at this as though it happened for a reason, because it did...it's better to end what sounds like a potentially abusive relationship now, then when you have been married for years with kids and it is harder. (Trust me, I watched it growing up, and it sux for a kid to have to go through) You will find Mr. Right, just concentrate on you right now, and spend lots of time with your family and friends to help it get a little easier, it will...trust me.

FM me if you ever need to talk...
SN2BMRSBURTE Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

Oh, I just saw your new post, I am glad to hear you are ok
Sounds like your a strong person, and have a great family Good Luck!!
neener1211 Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

lilangel Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

Hon you will call them now cancelling the wedding but remember there will be a day where you are calling them back to make the plans all over again and the next time it will be to marry someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

Be strong.
waypis Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

Sorry
heatherandrichie Posted:

Re: Broke up!!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear this is how your holiday weekend went.

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