bummed....

Okay ladies so I don't usually post unless I have a vendor rave or I feel I could help somehow but I am having a *** moment and am freaking out!!!!

So, we set our wedding date sometime early last year (we have been engaged since 2007 but we were getting lots of stuff together before we could concentrate on the wedding)...so needless to say I have taken a backseat to everyone and didnt jump right into the bride to be status....Anyway first thing I did was ask my MOH to be well duh, my MOH even though it was a while away....anyway, another friend of ours (who has been friends with my MOH much longer than I have) got engaged later during the year....she sets the date...for when? 2 months before my wedding....So my other BM's and FMIL and Aunt have been trying to get things rolling (shower & bach party) but there is a lot of procrasination by my MOH...mainly because she is so busy planning the other brides events and being involved with her...I can hardly even get her on the phone or thru email to vent about my 'bride' nonsense!!!

This hurts me because I feel like I have taken a back seat long enough and I deserve the attention! This was supposed to be MY year!! (I know that may sound selfish) But again I have taken a backseat!!! It really bothers me that its like this...this is once in a lifetime (I hope...haha) and I feel like no one cares!!!

One of my other BM's is amazing and she has been so great and so involved. I almost feel bad that she doesn't have the honored title of 'MOH'!!!!! So obviously this is an up side but I know she's getting stressed out too because she's trying so hard to keep the ball rolling without stepping on the MOH toes!!!

Oh and by the way, we just had another friend getting engaged but I just found out she won't come to our bach party (FH and I are doing a coed bach party!) because she has to start saving for her wedding!!!! What kills me about that is, I have been saving for a wedding since 2007 and I always made everyones milestones!!!!

***!!!!!! Am I crazy????

I'm not really looking for an answer...but has anything like this happened to anyone? Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I wrong to want to feel special????

Awww I'm so sorry that ur going throuh this. Can u sit down w ur MOH and tell her how u feel? And the part about making everyone elses milestone and feeling like ur getting the short end of the stick.. yeah, I've been there and it sucks. I feel like I go way out of my way for everyone, and sometimes I feel like, well who cares about me?? Totally NOT cool!

you are absolutely NOT wrong in feeling this way .... but you do need to understand that your MOH may be busy with other things too.

I would sit down wtih your MOH and speak to her about your feelings. If she doesn't feel like she can give you the time you deserve, then maybe she should step down and just be a bridesmaid instead (don't be mad at her if she chooses this though)

good luck!

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

you are absolutely NOT wrong in feeling this way .... but you do need to understand that your MOH may be busy with other things too.

I would sit down wtih your MOH and speak to her about your feelings. If she doesn't feel like she can give you the time you deserve, then maybe she should step down and just be a bridesmaid instead (don't be mad at her if she chooses this though)

good luck!

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ITA. While I don't think you should have to hunt your MOH down I think you should also try to remember that no one on this planet is as interested in your wedding as you are. She's the MOH for the other wedding too? That's a lot of responsibility and money that she's putting into both of you.

And I'm sorry, please don't take it like I'm being b!tchy because I'm not- but you a get a DAY (well a couple of days- shower, b-party, wedding day, HM, etc.) not a YEAR.

We had a couple who was engaged after us book their wedding 2 WEEKS before ours.

ETA: I'd def. promote the other BM who has been helping out! Is she married? Maybe you can make her Matron of Honor?

You are NOT crazy!!! This situation is unfair to you. You waited so long and you deserve the best. Once her wedding is over, everyone needs to be in full swing for your event and give you the utmost attention (even though they should be doing it now). You can always use the boards to vent about your wedding stress. That is why we are all here -- to help each other

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Posted by FutureMrsDe

Maybe you she tell your friend if she doesnt have time to be your MOH she can still be your bridesmaid you will just promote someone else to MOH. or have 2

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ITA. The girl who is doing the most for you should be the MOH, have a talk with both and try to straighten it out. Your not being crazy, i would flip out.

As for the friend who couldnt go to your bach party cause she needs to 'save'....thats BS. I need to save for my wedding too, but i would NEVER miss a friends milestone...you need to prioritize. What are you planning for your bach? Is it going to cost a ton of money? Then maybe its ok to miss it (my FH couldnt go to one because it was going to cost him $700 for a weekend).

I hope everything works out!!!

I totally understand that no one is as interested as I am in this wedding BUT not for nothing but when you agree to be a MOH or BM you kind of have to be interested and give a crap! If the shoe was on the other foot, ya' darn right I would make the bride feel VERY important! Plus not sure if I said this before but this is out of character of her....and honestly if I was a MOH for two people at the same time I would be done with it all also BUT I'm not going to keep making excuses...why should I 'suffer' and get pushed to the side?

And in regards to not getting a whole year??? Trust me, I've known plenty of brides who got the 'YEAR'...so why can't I have that?? LOL

My superstar BM is married with children...I just have to figure out a way to recognize her awesomeness...

Bottom line: it was weird because we've all always been each others 'cheerleaders' so to have my biggest one sitting on the bench during the most important time in my life = hurt...If that's selfish or bridezilla-like then so be it...I think I deserve it! LOL

FYI: no the bach party is totally reasonable and the cheapest I have ever heard of...I have spent way more on other bach parties! It's $125 for 8 hour brewery tour...incl limo, beer, 3 breweries, AND that incl's gratuity and any fees!!! And trust me these are people who go out at least 2-3 nights a week to the bar so I'm sure they spend way more than this!!!!!

Oh and yes great idea to promote her...or do something so that her 'dedication' is def recognized!

I was a MOH to two of my closest childhood friends 3 mos. apart... And I'm absolutely certain I never slacked on either side I planned both their showers and bachelorettes and coordinated with two different total groups of BM's. My point is your day should be special it is your day you deserve it , no matter if its 2 days , 2 weeks or 2 mos. apart from someone else.
If you feel your MOH is not being understanding of this, then talk to her...No matter how awkward Honesty is really always the best policy.
Maybe she is just trying to focus on her stuff first get it out of the way , and then will put the focus onto you more..IDK I say speak with her...if people really care they function and just do it no excuses.

In regards to your other recently engaged friend not coming to your bach party.. take it for what it is, she doesn't have the money for it. You'll learn fast that just because you did things for other people doesn't mean they are going to do the same for you. It stinks but if it's about money what can you do? You can either be mad about it, or realize people are different and won't make the same decisions when put in the same situations.
In regards to your MOH, have you told her how you feel? You should and see how she reacts. She might not even realize it or she is doing a lot for you but since things are surprises it's not known to you. But you should def say something to her.
Imo, I'm not a fan of demoting anyone in the bridal party. You asked her to be MOH over this other girl for reasons having nothing to do with what type of planner she is. I feel like if your close enough to a person to ask them to be in your wedding party then 1, 2 or even 3 things shouldn't change that.