Bummed

Kinda long -

When my FH and I got engaged I knew he didn't want to be married in a church (we're both Catholic, but he doesn't practice and I do) so I thought I had a brilliant idea. Let's get married at the RH and have a priest be the officiant. And being that I'm getting married at the Milleridge Cottage I fell in LOVE with the room where they have the ceremony. This was perfect! Boy, was I wrong. I honestly didn't know Catholic priests can not and will not marry you outside of the church.

I thought I found a loophole, though, b/c a close family friend is very good friends with a Catholic priest so I thought maybe, just maybe, he would make an exception. Nope, no go. I'm so bummed and mad at myself for not researching my 'brilliant' idea beforehand. Now I have to figure out what to do next. I really want to be married in the eyes of the church b/c I want my future children to be baptized. Oh, the Catholic church and all its darn rules.

Arg.

Im sorry We were going to get married at the RH too until my Mom told me that a Priest Is not allowed to and will not marry cpuples outside of the church.. so We are now getting married at my Church.

Yes I heard of this. My friend wanted the priest to come to her reception hall to marry her there and he would not do it. It makes sense to me why. Sorry the plan didn't work out

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Posted by K0ddie

I really want to be married in the eyes of the church b/c I want my future children to be baptized. Oh, the Catholic church and all its darn rules.

Arg.

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I'm really sorry! FH is catholic and I am not and if getting married in a church was very important to him, I had thought about converting. However, we decided in the end to just get married at the RH.

But does that mean our children can't be baptized??? That is one thing FH insists on!

Well that stinks What about a Deacon? It may not be priest but II know in my church if you don't have a mass the Deacon does the ceremony. Maybe they can marry you outside too.

can't you just talk to FH about getting married in the church? If you go to church and he's cathollic and you plan on raising your kids catholic, then Im sure you can convince him?

My FH is not catholic and we're getting married in the church. If you tell him it's important to you, then maybe he'll give in??

Can you still do a ceremony in the church and not the full mass? It would be a compromise for you and your FH (more for you).. my FH is Lutheran and since he was baptized, we could do it, but, it wouldn't be a full mass...

HTH

Sorry your original plan did not work out...

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

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Posted by K0ddie

I really want to be married in the eyes of the church b/c I want my future children to be baptized. Oh, the Catholic church and all its darn rules.

Arg.

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I'm really sorry! FH is catholic and I am not and if getting married in a church was very important to him, I had thought about converting. However, we decided in the end to just get married at the RH.

But does that mean our children can't be baptized??? That is one thing FH insists on!

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Your kids can be baptised if you're not married in the church

My Brother and SIL got married at the RH... as my brother hadn't converted yet, and it was important to my SIL for them both to be catholic since they were having kids..

When they got back from their honeymoon, they had a small ceremony (just the two of them & their Moms) in the church and had a priest marry them... They celebrate the 1st wedding as their day, but it cleared the way for baptisims etc..

Your children can still be baptized. You have to be an active member in a church (aka you have to be sending in those little envelopes for donations constantly.) My oldest sister got married at her RH, her husband is Jewish and both of their children were baptized in the Catholic Church.


ETA: Dont be bummed!!!!
IT could be worse you could be me. I couldnt get married in a church because of FH. EVERY catholic church I've been associated with told me absolutely not. FH is lutheran, had a child out of wedlock AND is divorced. Three strikes...we're out.

i'm sorry you just found out about that. I had always known about that rule - the only way to get around it would be to get a special disensation from the archbishop but you would have to really go out of your way to prove that you NEED to get married outside of the catholic church and you would have to convince your priest to even make the request first. this works like if, god forbid someone's FH was in the hospital and was like, life and death and they would marry you there.

any way to convince GH to get married in a church and maybe you can take pics in that room that you fell in love with aterwards?

or youcan always get married at your RH and then afterwards you can have a small, ceremony at the church where they will bless your union together. its usually done with just you two and two witnesses

aw don't be upset... same thing happened to me! I really wanted a church, but my FH told me he'd pretty much be lying if he received the sacraments and said he believed in the Catholic church. So, I gave in and we're having it at the RH b/c I didn't want him to have to lie.

We wanted a Catholic priest, but the priest told us that unless it's an interfaith marriage (which maybe that's your case?), he can't marry outside the church. He did tell us that we can come in a week before the wedding and marry us, and then we can have the actual ceremony at the RH, but I didn't want to do that. SO, i think we are going to do something in a church after we get back from HM to make it official in the eyes of the church..

Didn't know that you needed to get married in a church in order for your kids to get baptized... Did the church tell you that? I've never heard of that before... and I know a lot of interfaith marriages that weren't married in a church and their kids were baptized. LMK if you can... TIA

Awww I'm sorry, I would be bummed too...getting married in a church was important to me. Sorry about that

Thanks everyone for a) reading my vent and b) offering advice. Maybe I do have it wrong and you don't necessarily need to be married in the eyes of the Catholic church in order to have your kids baptized....? I was just always under that impression. I think I have my work cut out for me researching this.

We're getting married on a Sunday afternoon so I think adding a mass is out of the question. If it turns out I DO need to have the church acknowledge our union, I'm not against having a super small ceremony with witnesses. Thanks for suggesting that!

Thanks again everyone!! This confused bride appreciates it

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Posted by K0ddie

Thanks everyone for a) reading my vent and b) offering advice. Maybe I do have it wrong and you don't necessarily need to be married in the eyes of the Catholic church in order to have your kids baptized....? I was just always under that impression. I think I have my work cut out for me researching this.

We're getting married on a Sunday afternoon so I think adding a mass is out of the question. If it turns out I DO need to have the church acknowledge our union, I'm not against having a super small ceremony with witnesses. Thanks for suggesting that!

Thanks again everyone!! This confused bride appreciates it

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Just want to throw out there that you definitely can get married in a church on a Sunday. My sister did!

thanks for the girls who clarified the children being able to be baptized!

I got really scared for a second since FH really insists