Hi Ladies! I am new to the boards and I really hate for this to be my first post because so much amazingness has happened before last night. I love my FH more than anything in the world and I hate that I'm so upset right now. I got engaged at the end of November to my FH. Last night his little brother Scott got engaged, barely 3 months after myself. I haven't even had an engagement party yet! I fell like now everything will be compared and that we have to share this time now. That's really not something I'm looking forward to. And to put a cheery on the sundae we have the same name and her parents are millionaires while my budget is 20,000. He's only been dating this girl for a small amount of time and the mean girl in me wants to yell 'Why are you coping everything I do?!' But obviously if I want to have any sort of relationship I feel like i have to grin and bare it. I want to be happy for him and it's not at all the fact that's he's getting married, I just think he could have waited a couple more months... Or am I being a bridezilla. Set me straight if I am haha :)
KroertGS
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Can I be upset?
I totally understand why you're upset. It's understandable. At the same time, their news and their status has ntohing to do with your plans or your relationship. You will still have a beautiful wedding and your wedding day will still be the same as it was before they were engaged. Carry on and don't let them get you down!
sandr325
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Re: Can I be upset?
I think a brides feeling are a little more sensitive at this point in our lives than any other. Don't think/compare anything to this new engagement. Who care's what people think and at the end of the day it is how you will be feeling and your memories in the future. Unfortunately you might have to limit wedding conversation so that your wedding ideas won't be copied (to his family). Of course you can be upset, but I think you will need to vent (to FH) and move on quickly. Don't let this affect your life, things happen, you need to accept them and move on.
DharmaColbie86
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Can I be upset?
I can understand you being bothered by it, but try to just focus on your relationship and not worry about them and what they are doing.
amandap
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Can I be upset?
I understand you being upset, but don't stress on it. Your wedding will reflect you and your FH's personalities and relationship. Nobody can take that away- even if she does try to copy at least you did it first :)
LisaReyes
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Can I be upset?
This exact thing happened to me. In fact... They got engaged after us and had their wedding 8 weeks before us. It really bothered me because she stole A LOT of my ideas. You just need to breathe deep and smile. Don't talk about your wedding in front of her at all and web she talks about hers... Ignore it/ try to change the subject. Also... Tell FH not to talk to his brother about wedding stuff. I was surprised to realize they heard a lot of our ideas from FH.
sixstringwife
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Re: Can I be upset?
Wow, the fact that you seem so cool and composed really gives me hope. I wanted this time to really get to know my FMIL and my FH's sister and now I feel like that is kind of being taken away. At this point, I cant even imagine how this is going to all happen without some sort of drama. I guess as the days pass I will feel less and less hurt and really what the heck can I do besides smile? Nothing.
LisaReyes
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Re: Can I be upset?
Posted by sixstringwife
Wow, the fact that you seem so cool and composed really gives me hope. I wanted this time to really get to know my FMIL and my FH's sister and now I feel like that is kind of being taken away. At this point, I cant even imagine how this is going to all happen without some sort of drama. I guess as the days pass I will feel less and less hurt and really what the heck can I do besides smile? Nothing.
It's hard to be the bigger person... But it's not worth causing drama over. All that matters is that you and FH have the wedding of your dreams and a happy marriage after that. If she wants to try to compete, let her run the race by herself. For FHs sake, stay calm and stay away from drama.
ourwedding9510
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Can I be upset?
I understand why you are upset but I want you to calm down for a minute and breath. I was in your future SIL's shoes and let me tell you it isn't fun and it made me HATE my engagement and while I'm close to SIL I still resent her for ruining such a great part in my life. Then again I have been on your side of the fence (kinda) recently and that sukcs just as much. I'll give you both stories...
DH's sister got engaged in March 2008 and I got engaged in January 2009 (New Years Eve a half hour after the ball dropped). She told me 'You can't do anything for your wedding until after mine.' That put a complete damper on the excitement. Here I am, the first one of my friends engaged and we think we can't plan or be excited. I decided to plan and just not tell my SIL, so I lost all that valuable advice and ended up having a TERRIBLE photographer because I couldn't ask for her help. Our engagement party was planned for June 2009 (a month after her wedding). She wouldn't let us mail our invites out for the party until after her wedding because she didn't want to get stiffed on gifts. Because she was now a newlywed she was too consumed in her new marriage (not her fault we all go through that) that she didn't really help me with my wedding until about a month before the wedding (September 2010). After her wedding I wasn't the only one of my friends engaged anymore. Two of my other girlfriends were engaged and I was a bridesmaid in both of them (one in April 2010 and one in June 2010). I came to finally realize, that there needs to be a balance. Since I got to see both sides of the 'let me have the spotlight', I was able to put things into perspective. My girlfriends got engaged and totally forgot about our wedding and our planning, but I made sure to be there every step of the way for them. I wasn't the only person in the world getting married and wanted to be supportive and not treat my friends the way that my SIL threated me. Like I said, I HATED my engagement and wish I could do it all over again but it is what it is. Try to focus on your time and what's best for you and FH. Your wedding will be beautiful and in good taste. It will be what you want and will reflect who you as a couple are. Let them do what they have to do and want to do. And the best advice I can say is DON'T TELL THEM ANY IDEAS YOU HAVE. I did this with my friends and they ended up taking some of my ideas and then it looked like I copied them since they got married first.
The current situation is that I got pregnant in October 2012 and was so excited that I finally might be able to enjoy something without others bringing me down. It's the first grandchild on my side and second on DH's (his sister had a baby in Sept). We finally felt like we mattered to everyone around us. Even one of my friends seems like she is compensating for her lack of involvement in our wedding and is more excited then we are. SIL is over the moon and is constantly helping me with things. Cue my older sister getting engaged in November 2012. My parents want me now to plan her wedding and stop everything I have to do for this baby. It totally s*cks and to top it all off my sister informed me that her only nephew is nowhere allowed near her wedding or her the day of her wedding. So that time we thought we had to finally be excited and feel like people cared stopped on Thanksgiving.
Instead of letting it bother us this time, we are taking the advice I gave you above and focusing on us. I turn things down that my sister needs help with and tell her we have stuff to take care of for our soon to be child. I will help if I have time but I will not go out of my way. It's a middle balance that I wish SIL would have had back when I was planning.
Sorry this is long but I wanted you to get the whole story on both sides. Try to enjoy this time and don't let anyone else ruin it for you. You only get this once, make it count!
sixstringwife
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Can I be upset?
WOW! You girls are really incredible thank you so much for all your replies it really means a lot. Its nice to hear these things from someone other than my mother lol! It all makes sense in my head, but as silly as it is my heart kinda hurts. But like you girls said, I only get to do this once and I would hate to have a black cloud over this time. I guess I keep my plans to myself and just smile :)
melhunny46
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Can I be upset?
I had the same situation with my best friend. Literally a month after we got engaged, my best friend became engaged. I was like why couldn't you have waited a little longer so that we can have our moment. Then my best friend planned his wedding exactly a month after ours. I was so upset with this because I just wanted it to be my wedding and not have to worry about them outdoing me. I finally realized that our wedding will be all we wanted and to keep talk about weddings with my best friend to a minimum. I hope this helps!
natalierose1085
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Re: Can I be upset?
It's normal to be upset about it but you should try not to look it at like that. And it sounds like you know that..... Just focus on how great YOUR wedding is going to be. Other people are allowed to get engaged and get married too, and maybe it was just a coincidence that they happened so close to each other. It's not fair to ask someone to not get married or to postpone their life and their plans just because you're getting married. Hopefully any time it bothers you just remembering that will help you try not to focus so much on what they are doing and only focus on YOUR wedding! and how great it is going to be! everyone is different so don't compare yourself to her!
MrsDtoBe
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Re: Can I be upset?
I understand why you're upset. FH's cousin got engaged three months after we did and they're planning their wedding two months before ours. Even though I was SO happy for them, I was upset at first because I felt like it was going to be too much of a financial burden for our families to have the showers at the same time and everything, but at the end of the day you just have to realize that you can make your wedding amazing regardless of what your budget is. In all honesty, a lot of the times when I go to a party that is ridiculously over the top, I just leave thinking that they were trying to show how much money they have and are able to spend. I prefer to go to functions with a lot of personal touches and creativity that make things original. Good luck with everything!
Karin
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Ugh. Edited because what I said wasn't very nice about family!
LisaReyes
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Re: Can I be upset?
Posted by Karin
I completely understand where you are coming from. FH's brother had been with his gf for NINE YEARS and then decides to get engaged exactly one month after us! I had a feeling that would happen, so I waited to set the date and then I made mine for a year later! I wasnt in any rush and I want ours to be last(FH is the last of 4 boys) and not close to anyone else. Its silly, I know, and if there would have been any pressing reason to get married sooner, I would have, but I am glad I ended up having so much time to plan. So, I completely understand. I wouldnt let the budget worry me tho. I have been to awesome 20k weddings and horrible 100k weddings!
This is EXACTLY what happened to us! They were dating for NINE YEARS and got engaged a few months after us. Problem is we set our date before they got engaged and they rushed to schedule theirs a few weeks before ours. Oh WELL. Theirs is over and it felt very 'thrown together.'
DB2013
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Posted by LisaReyes
This exact thing happened to me. In fact... They got engaged after us and had their wedding 8 weeks before us. It really bothered me because she stole A LOT of my ideas. You just need to breathe deep and smile. Don't talk about your wedding in front of her at all and web she talks about hers... Ignore it/ try to change the subject. Also... Tell FH not to talk to his brother about wedding stuff. I was surprised to realize they heard a lot of our ideas from FH.
Same here but with my ex best friend and everyone is in the same group of friends! It is tough but just like everyone else said, you and your fiancé are totally different than them! Also money doesn't have to make or break your wedding! Coupons, DIYs and other things will make your wedding shine!
sgf2
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I'm sorry this is happening to you. I sort of understand, but also see it from a different angle.
FH and I have been together for 9 years, and moved in together a little over 2 years ago. He has an older sister, who is in her mid-30s, and has been dating a guy for about 3 years. We had been talking about getting engaged for over a year, and I knew it was coming. This past May, we found out that his sister got engaged. I felt happy for her, but horrible for me, thinking that now this would put our engagement on hold. His mom even said to me 'I can only be happy for one engagement at a time, you guys can wait'.
About a month and a half later, FH proposed to me. It was such a special happy time in my life, but still in the back of my mind, I worried how everything would work out. Well, first, we fought about our dates. I had been saying I wanted a Spring wedding since I was about 9 years old, and his sister spoke about January or February. She changed her mind, decided they wanted to get married in May of this year, and we had it out about it. Clearly she won, and now every decision she makes, I have to make sure she's not doing things I want, and if she does, I have to find 'nice' ways of talking to her about it.
You are absolutely entitled to be upset and feel like they're stealing your thunder, but at the same time, try not to compare. Her family may be well off, but your FH proposed to you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Try to decide things you want to do now, that way you can tell her that these are the things you want to do, and please choose different colors, themes, etc.
I hope this all works out!!
fdnybride163
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Can I be upset?
I totally agree about wanting spotlight on you but it all depends on how you handle it.
My brother, my cousin and I were all engaged in the same year. Not one of us step of each others toes bc we a,l had our own ideas of weddings and no one went crazy brides ills bc we all had respect for each other. That's the bottom line. Don't let a few stressful months of wedding panning ruin a lifelong family relationship. Trust me its not worth it
