Can someone critique - LONG!!!!!

I am the MOH in my best friend's wedding next month and she has asked me to do a speech. Please let me know what you think of my speech...any suggestions are greatly appreciated:

I’d like to start by thanking everyone on behalf of Mary and John for sharing their wedding day. For those who don’t know me, my name is Jill and it is my great privilege to be Mary’s Maid of Honor.

Mary and John, today is a day you’ll always remember –the greatest you have known. You started off the day as 2 people in love and end it as husband and wife.

It’s a brand new beginning, the start of a journey, with moments to cherish and treasure. And although they’ll be times when you both disagree, and we’ve probably all seen them, these will surely be outweighed by joy.

John and Mary met in the spring of 2003 on a blind date. When I asked her how the date went, she gave me the typical female response, he seems great, but, I don’t know…….. All I could say was why don’t you know, he seems great, he probably is great. Over the next few months, the but I don't know turned into, “I think he could be the one.” Of course I had to meet this guy. When I met John he was what Mary described, except she forgot to mention his unbelievable patience to handle Mary’s crazy NY ways. I have grown to love John and the wise *** way he lets Mary know what he is thinking. I am thankful for the kindness and caring he has shown for my best friend. But above all else, he is Mary’s true soul mate. Thankfully John was sent to Mary and all of us.

They say love is blind and marriage is the real eyes opener, so I’d like to say Mary you are a very lucky woman marrying John today. He deserves a good wife…and fortunately he has found you.

So live happy forever as lovers and friends, it’s the beginning of a new life for you. As you sit there together with love in your eyes, always remember the happiness you feel today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to invite you to raise your glass in a toast….

To John and Mary, the new Mr. and Mrs. Smith, take each other for better or worse, but never for granted. We wish you two a long and happy marriage.

Congratulations!!!!

very nice... I got a little choked up.

Lovely.

I would leave out the part about seeing their disagreements... in a speech like this always err on the positive side and just don't mention negatives. Unfortunatley, the negatives are what most people remember even if you only include one.

Oh yeah, and the NY ways... needs to be clarified with an example.

Otherwise, lovely sentiments.

Honestly, I think it's a bit wordy and repetitive in some spots. It was kind of hard for me to follow. There's a lot of 'happy' and 'lucky' and 'love' used in it. Just make it simple and to the point.

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Posted by jfabbride

They say love is blind and marriage is the real eyes opener, so I’d like to say Mary you are a very lucky woman marrying John today. He deserves a good wife…and fortunately he has found you.

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I don't really understand the above paragraph. I thought that SHE is your best friend, not the other way around, so it's kind of confusing. HE should be the lucky one to be getting her.

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Posted by jfabbride
Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to invite you to raise your glass in a toast….

To John and Mary, the new Mr. and Mrs. Smith, take each other for better or worse, but never for granted. We wish you two a long and happy marriage.

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The above I think is fine.

Sorry for picking this apart, but you asked for advice!

Awesome speech!!!!

I think it's realllllllly nice.

I saw that you wrote 'eyes' instead of 'eye'

and I agree with whomever posted about the disagreements thing.

i was at a wedding once and the groom's brother said something to that effect but worse 'they have their disagreements, and he calls me to tell me about the fights, but I know that they are right for each other and they always work out.'

(Six months later, they divorced! I guess those disagreements were bad!!! )

But my point was that when he said something about disagreements, everyone got a little like 'oh no, don't say that'....

otherwise, can I steal it? hahaha

Great speech! If you don't decide to take out the disagreement part, there was a bit of a misspelling - 'And although they’ll be times when you both disagree'... should be 'there will.'

I LOVE this line: 'take each other for better or worse, but never for granted.' And I like the idea of giving a funny example of the NY ways as mentioned before. Great job!!! She'll love it!

Sorry, can't add much more, but to agree with some of the comments.... you focus more on John being a great guy and not on Mary being your best friend - he should be the lucky one. Also, give an example of her NY ways. Instead of disagreements, find out something they did together that turned out great.

You wrote a great toast.... and had me choking up also. Good luck!

Same like the other comments. I think you need to say something more about her. Also, I think the part as to how they met needs not to be said. Otherwise, it's great.

I know this is nitpicking but the MOH at my brother's wedding thanked all of us for coming but forgot to say on BEHALF of my brother and his wife or just left it out. It sounded so strange that she was thanking us- like its not YOUR wedding. So its ok- just don't forget to add the ON BEHALF. It still drives me nuts when I think about it. (Can you tell I really didn't like her)

Edited to say- after I read that line, I really got teary-eyed and I am NOT a sentimental person. It is a really good speech- add in more personal stuff- everyone loves that and you don't have to use all the generalities that you added- like the disagreements.