Can we discuss some real drama? UPDATED

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:09 PM

Can we discuss some real drama? UPDATED

Like how to convince my mom it's ok to not have a mass, and how to get FH's family to show up to a ceremony in church?

And can we have a huppah? What if the church says no?

So I just got back from meeting with the priest. He said he would help explain to my mom about the no mass thing and we could have a mass in another context. He said we will most likely be able to include a chuppah for a part of the ceremony, but not all. Great success!

Lsorrent Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:11 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

I doubt you can have a huppah in a church......they kind of conflict

Does your mom know why you don't want a mass?

We also had to explain to FMIL why we didn't want a full mass because she was in such terror when we said we were only doing a ceremony. But I explained that half of my family is divorced, and her whole family is Episcopal, so none of them would be able to receive communion in the Catholic church.

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:12 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

The mass thing is kind of difficult. We are doing an interfath ceremony in church.

I would personally like to have a mass, but it makes FH really uncomfrotable since he can't particiapte and it would make his family uncomfortable too. Our priest suggested without prompting that we should NOT have a mass. My mom is freaking out.

AdriandSteve Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:13 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

I'm thinking FH is Jewish? Are you also having a Rabbi at the Church? I know some churches allow them to come to. Maybe that can be a way to convince FH's family to come?

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:14 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Posted by AdriandSteve

I'm thinking FH is Jewish? Are you also having a Rabbi at the Church? I know some churches allow them to come to. Maybe that can be a way to convince FH's family to come?

Yes and Yes

ETA: I'm wondering how we can get the word out to FH's family that there WIL be a Rabbi and it WILL be interfaith

NY031978 Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:15 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

huppah in a church?

LoveyDovey Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:16 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

print out all our responses lol....that will convince her

we are not having a ceremony in a church as FH is not catholic

but if we were to have a church ceremony, i wouldnt want a mass...to be honest, i think most people barely want to sit through the ceremony, let alone an hour long mass- granted your immediate family and friends' surely want to see you get married or at least i hope they do!

the ceremony is the most important of the day!!! and i hope that everyone shows up because i want everyone to be a part of our love! not just our party...

the shorter it is, the more likely people are to show IMHO

and i doubt they will allow a huppah--- maybe call it a 'floral arragement' lol

FutureMrsLots Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:16 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

the church is definitely not going to let you have a huppah. just tell you mom to save time you're not going to do a mass and that she can go to mass on Sunday

Tell FH's family that you're not having a mass and it's ok to come to the church because it's just a ceremony.

julesrbf Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:16 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Is there any possible way you can ... not have your wedding in a church? To have a priest and a rabbi conduct the ceremony under a chuppah elsewhere? Or will your mom not go for that ... unfortunately that's probably the only way to get a chuppah!

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:17 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Posted by NY031978

huppah in a church?

Yes. FH is Jewish and this aspect is really important to him

brittndave Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:17 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

you should tell your mom that the only acceptable way for you to get married in a church is with no mass. it's not right to have one when only half the people in attendance can participate! then tell her that if she insists that you have to have a mass if you're getting married in the church, then you will have your interfaith ceremony at a synagogue or a non-religious venue!

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:17 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Posted by FutureMrsLots

the church is definitely not going to let you have a huppah. just tell you mom to save time you're not going to do a mass and that she can go to mass on Sunday

Tell FH's family that you're not having a mass and it's ok to come to the church because it's just a ceremony.

Part of the problem is my wedding is on a Sunday, so i think people might assume it's a mass. Oh well

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:18 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Also, I really want to have my wedding in my church. That much is not my mom

LoveyDovey Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:19 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Posted by HSsweethearts

The mass thing is kind of difficult. We are doing an interfath ceremony in church.

I would personally like to have a mass, but it makes FH really uncomfrotable since he can't particiapte and it would make his family uncomfortable too. Our priest suggested without prompting that we should NOT have a mass. My mom is freaking out.

this makes a good point as well...if it makes him or his family uncomfortable then you shouldn't compromise that

julesrbf Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:20 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Posted by HSsweethearts

Also, I really want to have my wedding in my church. That much is not my mom

Gotcha. Well, I don't think you'll be able to do the huppah, unless you find an incredibly progressive church. Sorry I can't think of anything else for you!

MrsDtoBe09 Posted: Jan 26, 2010 02:20 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

My priest said that masses are a relatively new thing when it comes to getting married. It used to be just the ceremony. I can totally understand your fh not wanting to have the full mass. I am a practicing Catholic and I did not have a mass. I find it embarrassing when I'm at a wedding with a mass and the people there do not know what to do. Imagine that was your fh up there not knowing what to do! Bottom line, it's your wedding. Your mom will get over it.

rdubs Posted: Jan 26, 2010 07:13 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

I'm going to have to go with the other girls and say they won't allow a chuppah in a church.

If you definitely want to get married in a church, is there anyway you'd consider doing a short ceremony (under a chuppah) with a rabbi at your RH before the reception? I was once at a Catholic/Indian wedding where they did two ceremonies back to back--it was nice b/c they incorporated both religions--nobody minded that it was longer because it was so special to both families and for me being Jewish, it was very cool to see two completely different traditional ceremonies.

A positive for you is that Jewish ceremonies can be incredibly fast!!

HSsweethearts Posted: Jan 26, 2010 07:56 PM

Re: Can we discuss some real drama?

Posted by rdubs

I'm going to have to go with the other girls and say they won't allow a chuppah in a church.

If you definitely want to get married in a church, is there anyway you'd consider doing a short ceremony (under a chuppah) with a rabbi at your RH before the reception? I was once at a Catholic/Indian wedding where they did two ceremonies back to back--it was nice b/c they incorporated both religions--nobody minded that it was longer because it was so special to both families and for me being Jewish, it was very cool to see two completely different traditional ceremonies.

A positive for you is that Jewish ceremonies can be incredibly fast!!

We thought about this, but we really want ONE ceremony. We want one moment when we're married and no doubt about when that happens. Meeting with priest in 10 min. We'll see what he says