Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
cluelessbride
Posted:
Member since
Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
A friend of mine (since 7th grade) left a message on my answering maching today saying 'I am really sorry for the message I left on your work voice mail on Friday night. I don't know if you heard it but I was really drunk and I said some horrible things that I don't mean.'
I was like
My initial reaction was to immediately call her back and say, look, whatever you said let's just forget about it, you were drunk, you are sorry and let's just move on. But then the hurt set in and also of course curiousity, so I called to check my messages at work.
Her message wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but basically she says that she never sees me and she is tired of 'chasing' after me and she feels like I don't make an effort to see her, so she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Oh yeah, and she's a BM and she said forget that too.
So now I am so torn about what to do. Part of me thinks her instinct is correct, that we have grown apart and why are we friends? To me, it's always been b/c we've known each other for so long that she is like a sister. And that's been enough.
But she is right that I don't make plans to see her, I hardly ever call her, and although I do care about her, I don't feel a need to spend with her. But then again, I don't spend a heck of alot of time with any of my girlfriends. At least not like we used to.
Anyway, does anyone else have these friendships where you almost want to 'break up' with the person? Or feel that they want more than you can give? And then you feel like cr&p? UGH!
Boop2704
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
Just like your relationship with your FH takes work, so does keeping a friendship together. Sometimes life isn't easy and people go off into different directions. I am sure your not calling her is not because you don't like her, but rather that things in your life have changed and you have other priorities right now. Give her a call and ask her to go out to dinner or lunch one day so that the two of you could just talk and try and put your friendship back together. Good Luck!!
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
Um. Well, I've broken up with a friend who was justa huge draina nd was just mean to me in the end. I have firneds I've been frineds with forever, that I do't see alot, but I consider close to me. She did call to apologize. Do you wish you could make the effort to spend more time with her? It seems like you still do want her in the BP despite all that because she's important to you. That's all that really matters. I'd talk to her about it, but if I were you, I'd keep her in. You asked her for a reason... One drunken phone call doesn't seem to me like she's nagging you to spend time with her or anything. I mean I feel that way about people I'm close to, but I still love them and care for them. it's ultimately your call, but I think you did ask her for a reason, so I'd keep her in and go with the flow. Maybe you'll become closer through the wedidng prep. maybe not. time will tell. Good Luck!
dm24angel
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
I had one of those friendships...we were frinds since 2nd grade...she moved in 8th grade to Floridea...we visited, once or twice a year, talked a lot ( some years everyday!) but started to grow apart around ages 22 or so( Im 29 now)...well she got married at 24 and we basically never spoke, I avoided her calls a lot because we had changed so much and we never would be friends if we met now...well I was dead BROKE at the time, and really didnt want to go to the wedding( it was small one, I was not a BM) So I told her that the airfare and the gift and a dress etc was more then I had, ( truthfully I had about $5 to my name, it was not a lie) And the wedding plans came about 6 months before the wedding, so it wasnt like I had a year or so to save and if I had the money to save it would have been towards college, food ...lol..and other things... Long story short she said some pretty hateful things and never spoke to me again, and as horrible as it may come out, I really did not miss the friendship, it was almost a weight off my back! I think of her occasionally, wish maybe we could chat but then I think of my frineds I have now and how just like you I have no time for them, and so I move on... I am not telling you by any means to not continue the friendship...just liked you've changed now, you will change again and you may regret it in the long run...I would talk to her and explain it all, and try to come to a solution....good luck!
aliciahelene
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
Oh man..thats sucks!!! Friend issues are so tough because they are so sensitive.I think she made the effort to call and apologize. You have known her forever and a 'friend' does not mean that you have to see them all of the time, it sounds like you guys can go ahwile without seeing each other and you are still friends..thats a friend!!!!! Is she in a serious relationship? Wedding stress, engagements in general can keep us incredibly busy and sometimes thats also hard for people to realize. I agree that maybe you guys could go shopping or to lunch, even a movie..something and TALK> get it all out in the open. If she made a drunken call, it sounds like she's hurt. Definately worth talking about!!! I know its hard....talk to her, I think you'll both feel alot better!!! Sorry about the long post!
cluelessbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
Thanks you guys
I think I'll call her and have a frank talk with her about our frienship. The thing is, I can't give her more than I do now. Well, either I can't or I won't, but I don't want to promise to see more of her, etc. when I know I won't come through on that promise.
She's like Carrie of Sex and the City (single, very social, not a wallflower) and I am like, hmmmmm...who's a wallflower homebody tv character? Well, that's me, I stay home, read, play with my dog, and work about 50 hrs a week plus a he!!ish commute. I honestly can't give her more time than I already do. I love her but I feel like I am always disappointing her by not going to this party or that happy hour.
I think I'll invite her to some daytime activities, if she can wake up Thanks again ladies!
aliciahelene
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
I went through something similar when i got engaged ,..my single girlfriends( three of them) gave me such a hard time that I didnt want to go out and meet guys anymore..I was constantly getting guilt trips..its not that I stopped calling them by any means.I just didnt want to do the same things as them. A good friend doesnt mean you see them all of the time..a good friend is someone you can confide in and can go along time without seeing each other. Give or take a few I have managed to hold on to my friends and I am very lucky because good friends are so hard to find. They say if you can count your true friends on one hand then consider yoruself lucky, I never understood what that meant until I got older, but its very true. Some friends are just friends to hang out with and have a good time.doesnt mean you could trust them with your life. Good luck with this.
Jenn524
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
Posted by cluelessbride
Anyway, does anyone else have these friendships where you almost want to 'break up' with the person? Or feel that they want more than you can give? And then you feel like cr&p? UGH!
I am going through this exact same thing with one of my friends now. I just feel as if we've grown apart and I almost want to just end the friendship. I can't be there for her the way that I used to. So I know exactly what you're going through.
As far as her message goes I feel that sometimes when people are drunk they are able to say the things that they can't say when they are sober. So there probably is some truth to how she feels. But since she was drunk she may have said more then she actually feels (does that make sense?)
I think you should call your friend and offer to go have some coffee-not drinks because that could get bad or untruthful. Talk it out and try to be honest with her.
Good luck.
btrflygrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
IMo...and it's just my opinion....I have gone months, even years between talking to friends....and if they are truly friends, you'll pick up where you left off, and that time gap feels like it never existed. If YOU truly feel you've drifted apart....it's possible...it happens. People change over the years, interests change, habits change, it happens. You can't help it. It's a matter of whether or not the two of you can overcome those changes and your friendship changes also to accomodate your individual changes....does that make sense??
I went for about a year not talking to my best friend cuz I thought she was mad that I ended up dumping a guy friend of hers that she set me up with....nope. Didn't matter....we picked up where we left off....
Good Luck... Don't forget....there's a lot of stress involved with a wedding, for you and whomever else is a part of it!
Cindy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Can you guys give me some advice? Friend issue.Long and sort of a vent more than anything else.
I think that during the wedding planning you really find out where your friendships stand. I know I did. Why not sit down and talk to her? IS the fact you dont want to spend time with her that you have nothing in common anymore? Part of being a friend is seeing one another, even occasionally due to schedules. Is she the type of friend that you can call and she will be there for anything? I think you have to analyze how valuable the friendship is and go from there. Good luck with things!
