My future mom in law believes that having a card/money box will be a huge cultural shock to her friends and family and she wants me to find a discreet place for it. I am of Russian background and I know for a fact that Russian guests will bring money as gifts. She says that this wedding is turning into a charity and people don't bring money, they bring gifts. So far only 5 of her friends sent me something from the registry. So please tell me - is it really that uncommon to have a card/money box at a wedding? She wants me to hide it! Don't most guests bring money nowadays as a gift?
ant n tilde
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
We had the card box and probably only our close family and bridal party used it directly. We still went around and people handed us their envelopes and once we got a lot we deposited them ourselves in the box. I just felt that the bag was too easy to walk out with - the box was more secure and we knew where it was all night.
I don't see the difference between the box and having a bag that someone has to guard all night - you have to put the envelopes SOMEWHERE.
On the other hand, my SIL's family is from Ohio and to them it was rude that I was walking around with cards in my hand. Their tradition is that all gifts are given to the best man or maid of honor so the bride and groom should never be seen 'collecting' the gifts.
Everyone has different ideas on what is proper - just go with what you feel is right!
BAL5-9-05
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
What??? I would say 99% of the weddings I have gone to, $$$ is the gift (not a boxed gift) & the Card Chest is usually on a table along with other stuff, visible........that is the 'norm' for my friends & family. I even made my own card chest (see album) to match my theme....& I am proudly displaying it! Most of the time you bring the card to the bride & groom....it will find its way to the card box.
NYCGirl2008
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Maybe it's a local thing as I am from Westchester and no one does it. I have noticed from reading this board that there are a lot of local customs all you guys do which I have never heard of or never seen at a wedding (we also don't do cake toppers for example!).
dinal1979
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
hey i am russian too but i have been to many weddings from different backgrounds and ppl just bring money the box is fine it's not like there is a beggar's sign on it they make then really pretty and not tacky at all tell your MIL to get over it and embrace her new russian family members! :)
Newsysuzy12
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Every wedding I have been to has a gift table...you put the gift on the table. So a card box would seem a pretty normal extension of this, you don't want the card to get lost in the shuffle. I'm pretty proper, and I can't see how this would be a problem. As someone from another part of the country, money is something parents, grandparents, older friends of the family give...it would be odd to give my contemporaries money. On the other hand weddings cost a lot more here, and people put a lot more into it. I remember my first midwest wedding, I could not believe how little food there was. I went to a bat mitzvah where all we were served was a salad!
Espo22
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Posted by vicky1125
i'm russian as well so i understand where you're coming from. my FH is as well but his family has been here longer so they're more americanized. his sister asked me if i was going to register and i asked her if she was crazy cause the only people that would buy anything from the registry would be her in laws. honestly, it's your wedding and she shouldn't be ashamed of your traditions and if she is, too bad.
everyone even in NY still registers bc of the bridal shower
Espo22
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
I had a cardbox, and have seen it at every wedding ive been to. To me it was normal so thats why i got one. I didnt hear ppl thinking it was rude or anything like that until ive seen others on LIW ask about this. I never thought of it as rude.
The cardbox isnt just for guests to go put it in there themselves bc most of my guests handed it personally to me, more than half. The point was so i have somewhere i can put it after and didnt want to leave it with a family member to be in charge or anything. They should be having fun instead of watching my envelopes
also doesnt mean you dont say hi to the guests. Even though i had a cardbox, i went around to each and every table and say hello to every single guest
eta: yes at NY weddings guests give money. At my wedding not one person gave a gift. The only gifts we received were those sent to our house from guests who rsvp'd no. The day of not one gift, and ive NEVER been to a wedding where any guests brought a gift, it was only money they gave
Espo22
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Posted by Annoulak
FH and I are Greek, and even though our families have lived in America for a long time, we're not used to having card boxes. The first time I saw one was last year at a non-Greek friend's wedding.
In the Greek-American community, cards with money are given, but they are usually given directly to the couple at the end of the evening so that you can wish the couple happiness, etc. And it is at that time that the favor is also given. So, for us it was a bit of culture shock to drop the envelope impersonally into the box and have nothing to give to the couple when we said goodbye at the end of the night.
for next time you see this, know that you dont have to put it in the box, you can still give it to the couple...even though i went to weddings with a cardbox i still gave it to the couple...my wedding it was the same thing, about 70% if not more of our guests handed it to us personally. The cardbox for me was a place where i can keep the envelopes, not so guests dont give it to me personally. I preferred after receiving envelopes to put it in a box, rather than a bag where anybody can take envelopes from out of there...ive heard horror stories about envelopes being stolen at weddings so didnt want to take that chance. At my e-party my mom had a bag and kept it by her side at the table. I felt horrible bc she felt she kept having to watch it and when she got up someone else had to keep an eye on it...on my wedding day i didnt want anybody to have any responsibilities but just to have fun. I also had to worry about envelopes and would keep watching the bag at my e-party. And not to mention DH lost 4 of our envelopes at the e-party
Espo22
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Posted by NYCGirl2008
Maybe it's a local thing as I am from Westchester and no one does it. I have noticed from reading this board that there are a lot of local customs all you guys do which I have never heard of or never seen at a wedding (we also don't do cake toppers for example!).
traditions are different throughout the world, different doesnt mean its tacky. I also think some people dont understand the meaning of it...people do NOT get cardboxes bc they dont want for a guest to give it to them personally lol. The truth is that in NY guests give money, since this is our tradition then envelopes do have to be kept somewhere, i mean otherwise what would the couple do with all the envelopes? keep it on the table? some people use a money bag, others use a cardbox, birdcage or something.
I dont see why anybody would think that bc there is a cardbox at a wedding means you cant give it to the couple. Like i said, i went around to EVERY single table at my wedding and said hello to every single guest. Some gave it to me when i went around to the table to say hello. I would hold a few in my hand and then run to the cardbox to quickly deposit it in there, so i can put the envelopes in a safe place plus not to mention that i didnt want to go to all the tables while im carrying a bunch of envelopes, we went to all the tables at one time and did one after another, if i had no where to put the envelopes then we wouldve been going up to every table with a bunch of envelopes in our hands. Then there were many guests who came up to me when they were leaving to say goodbye and handed it to me then, infact towards the end of the night a line formed to say goodbye to us so i said hello and goodbye to every guest. WHen i bought a cardbox, the thought of guests not giving it to me personally never crossed my mind and wasnt the intention.
The truth is that my ONLY concern was where to keep the envelopes safely. One of my bm's went to a wedding where the entire money bag got stolen. Others have had a few envelopes stolen. SO i figured with a big cardbox, it would be hard to walk out of the hall without people realizing so that was my reason for it. For e-party i had no cardbox or money bag and it was the most annoying thing...not one guest brought a gift, it was all envelopes. I had this big gift bag i brought an extra pair of shoes in and put it all in there. Somebody always had to watch it
flairforfashion
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
I don't see a card box as a rude thing. It's just a safe place to put all the cards into. Years ago- it was a bag- now it's transformed into a card box, chest, or even birdcages.
mariana881
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
I'm Russian as well...we are doing a cardbox but our guestlist is also about 90% Russian so everyone knows to bring money. I dont think it is tacky at all and seems to be the norm in our culture. Its difficult when you start mixing cultures because different norms and traditions can clash with one another.
bkposh
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
i have yet to go to a wedding that has a card box or a gift table. I have always handed the envelope to either the bride or groom at some point during the reception.
I am Romanian and I dont think most of my family would even understand what the box was for unless i specifically told them, I even think some might be offended.
Espo22
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Posted by bkposh
i have yet to go to a wedding that has a card box or a gift table. I have always handed the envelope to either the bride or groom at some point during the reception.
I am Romanian and I dont think most of my family would even understand what the box was for unless i specifically told them, I even think some might be offended.
i am romanian and there was no problem. Like i said above, the purpose of the box isnt so guests dont give it to you personally, most still give it to you personally but the cardbox is a place where you can put the cards after and not worry about it.
Mine was behind my table so many didnt even pay attention to it or see it, i had some people who told me they thought it was another cake, since my real cake was right by it and were asking me if it was another cake. I went and said hello to everyone at the tables so thats when people gave it to me personally or when they came up to say goodbye to me.
carolinebr
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
If its a pretty box, its fine. If it has a flashing red arrow that says 'DEPOSITS HERE', its rude.
But, you still go from table to table. The box doesn't get you out of that
jessnstu08
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Posted by carolinebr
If its a pretty box, its fine. If it has a flashing red arrow that says 'DEPOSITS HERE', its rude.
But, you still go from table to table. The box doesn't get you out of that
well said!
beram63
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
what culture is her family from? not for nothing, but when in rome...
i would just put it out and let people do what they're going to do. the cardbox is a convenience for guests.
CD516
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
My mom was completely against me having a card box too, and to be quite honest, i have never ever seen one at a wedding(but maybe i just wasnt looking). I am not a fan of them. i think gifts should be handed to the bride and groom.. JMO. I dont know if it has to do with nationality so much, i think its just preference.
Newsysuzy12
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
Hmmm I still don't get this. If I bought someone a blender, I would not expect to hand it to them at the reception! I really don't see what the difference is, but as we have all learned weddings are the land of mysterious social traditions. Maybe with money, since the gift is less personal, it is odd not to give it in person??? I went to a wedding in Florida where the couple opened the gifts at the wedding...that seemed really odd to me, but nobody else blinked an eye.
JoanneAndJustin
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
I will probably do a card box and meet/greet everyone who came to my wedding, when I am done saying hello to them I will deposit my gifts in the box. That way no one gets offended :)
Mici n KC
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Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???
I think you should do a photocube. It's small and it's photos of you and FH.
