Cash Bar - I Took a quick little National Survey
Since people keep saying it's the 'norm' outside of NY to do a cash bar...I really became curious as to whether or not us NYers are just all about the alcohol or not! ![]()
So I posted on some local boards on theknot and posed the cash bar q to them, to find out if it was common. Now I have just re-posted word for word what these ladies said, and perhaps we were wrong in our assumption that it's different outside of NYS... Here are the responses I received:
Kansas City
'I think they're rude - guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at a wedding. If you can't afford a full bar then have just wine & beer, or no booze at all. We had a premium open bar, and it was worth every penny.I think they're rude - guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at a wedding. '
'I also think it's tacky. I know some people think if they dont have alcohol at all, then people wont stick around, but honestly, most cash bars I've been to I see people leave just as quickly if there were no bar at all... and usually the drinks are over-priced. '
'I agree with the other girls...It's rude and tacky. We couldn't afford to do a FULL open bar, but we did provide beer and wine...but it's better than not having a bar.'
Alabama:
'Even though I've been to a cash bar wedding (in Georgia), I personally, consider it somewhat tacky. I would assume not have alcohol before I would make my guests pay for it'
'I'm from Indiana but having my wedding in Alabama and every wedding i've ever been to (and that is A LOT) it's always been open bar. the ONLY time i've ever had to pay for a drink was a wedding this past weekend and we drank threw all the kegs they had purchased.'
Northern California:
'i don't think it's the norm here. i think it depends on the couple and what they are comfortable with. we're not having a cash bar at our wedding but i have been to weddings that did have one, in CA and other states '
'In my experience and humble opinion...
Cash bars are NOT acceptable nor the norm. I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, no matter the state. '
'ditto akka - cash bars are rude and tacky'
'I have been to about 3 cash bar weddings, it is not that big of a deal as long as the wine and non-alcholic drinks are free. I have been to 2 weddings where the drinks were free for the first 2 hours and then they started charging. '
'Cash bar only weddings are not the norm. It's more common to see hosted wine, beer & champaign only weddings (no cocktail/mixed drink option at all), or open bar until a certain hour and then cash bar the rest of the night. '
Atlanta, Georgia
'My view on this is, if your hosting a celebration for your nuptuials, you should NOT have your guests pay for anything. That's why they are guests, otherwise they'd be patrons. I'm having a full-bar and at no moment will I change it to Cash bar. I understand that some people don't even have liquor at their reception, and that's their personal choice. But if you are going to have liquor the least you can do is pay for your guests to drink it. Those are my 2cents!!! '
'Most certainly not normal or socially acceptable around here. I've never even heard of a cash bar around here.. as for me, we're paying for full premium open bar for our guests. I don't think the cash bar rules hold only for NY - but then again, there are tons of Yankee transplants (my family included) in Atlanta so maybe somewhere else it might be okay (doubt it though).'
'Personally, speaking as a consumer of alcohol, I think its tacky. I've been to weddings that didn't serve alcohol, but they didn't setup a cash bar either. Guests should not be expected to pay for anything at the reception. If the family can't afford to provide alcohol or it's not a priority, I think it should simply be left out. Asking your guests to pay is only a throw away from a casual BYOB event.'
'I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar, and I've always livedin the South. If someone can't afford to pay for alcohol - that's fine, just don't have any and have a simple afternoon tea reception or something. But certainly never ask your guests to pay for anything. That's just rude. For cost reasons, we're going to have a wine and beer bar, but it will be free-flowing all night!'
'Agree with all above. I don't think it matters where you are from or where you live now... don't ask guests to pay for anything. Just offer what you can afford.'
Cleveland, OH
'Definitely not the norm in my experience.
'd prefer to have a limited bar (i.e. beer & wine only), or even no alcohol at all, over being expected to pay for my own drinks at a wedding. '
'I agree with the other posts from NY - cash bars are tacky and rude. I don't even like when there is a cash bar at a work-related event. But for weddings - that's a big no, in my opinion'
'Not normal; very tacky. One shouldn't invite guests to a party and then expect them to pay for their own food or drinks'
'In my experience, people from NY think the rest of the states are a foreign land, so it's good that you're getting other options, lol. No, cash bars aren't acceptable anywhere as far as I know.'
'I hate cash bars and think they are very tacky. I agree with the idea of a limited bar over a cash bar--I've seen that done more. Actually, I've only been to one cash bar and that was in Kansas City. My parents went to a wedding in Wisconsin and I guess its the norm there to have cash bars b/c of strict liquor laws or something.'
'Tack-ay'
'I've been to at least 30 weddings in my lifetime - the majority in the midwest, but a few on the east coast and in the west. None have had a cash bar. There have been a few with limited bar (wine and beer). I think cash bars are in bad taste.'
'Zipping up flame-proof suit...
I used to think cash bars were tacky, but not anymore. It seems that nowadays, wedding guests seem to think they are entitled to free alcohol. Why? Who said that alcohol was a must at weddings to begin with? Some brides and grooms simply can not afford this and have to go for the cash bar. Sure, they could go with something limited like wine and beer, but then they'd catch nastiness from guests who b!tch that there wasn't hard liquor. Either way, the bride and groom end up with unhappy guests. IMHO, nobody is entitled to free booze at a wedding. If it's there, great. If not, shut up and quit moaning. Pay the cash for your drink and appreciate that this couple is just starting off and does not want to go into debt just to put free alcohol into their guests bodies. My DH and I could not afford booze at our wedding. Hell, we couldn't even afford a decent reception hall. We had to have it at the friggin' FOP hall downtown. All we had was beer and believe me, we heard a lot of people whining about it. While we would have loved a beautiful reception hall and to be able to give liquor to our guests, it was just not feasible. I think sometimes people are so caught up in tackiness, manners, and etiquette, that they seem to forget to take a step back and look at the finances of who is paying for the wedding--be it the bride/groom and/or the parents. Sometimes a cash bar is the best option for people.
Stepping off soapbox now.'
(I was happy to get a dissenting opinion...FINALLY...since I didn't want people to think I just posted only the ones against cash bars.)
Kansas City
'I think they're rude - guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at a wedding. If you can't afford a full bar then have just wine & beer, or no booze at all. We had a premium open bar, and it was worth every penny.I think they're rude - guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at a wedding. '
'I also think it's tacky. I know some people think if they dont have alcohol at all, then people wont stick around, but honestly, most cash bars I've been to I see people leave just as quickly if there were no bar at all... and usually the drinks are over-priced. '
'I agree with the other girls...It's rude and tacky. We couldn't afford to do a FULL open bar, but we did provide beer and wine...but it's better than not having a bar.'
Alabama:
'Even though I've been to a cash bar wedding (in Georgia), I personally, consider it somewhat tacky. I would assume not have alcohol before I would make my guests pay for it'
'I'm from Indiana but having my wedding in Alabama and every wedding i've ever been to (and that is A LOT) it's always been open bar. the ONLY time i've ever had to pay for a drink was a wedding this past weekend and we drank threw all the kegs they had purchased.'
Northern California:
'i don't think it's the norm here. i think it depends on the couple and what they are comfortable with. we're not having a cash bar at our wedding but i have been to weddings that did have one, in CA and other states '
'In my experience and humble opinion...
Cash bars are NOT acceptable nor the norm. I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, no matter the state. '
'ditto akka - cash bars are rude and tacky'
'I have been to about 3 cash bar weddings, it is not that big of a deal as long as the wine and non-alcholic drinks are free. I have been to 2 weddings where the drinks were free for the first 2 hours and then they started charging. '
'Cash bar only weddings are not the norm. It's more common to see hosted wine, beer & champaign only weddings (no cocktail/mixed drink option at all), or open bar until a certain hour and then cash bar the rest of the night. '
Atlanta, Georgia
'My view on this is, if your hosting a celebration for your nuptuials, you should NOT have your guests pay for anything. That's why they are guests, otherwise they'd be patrons. I'm having a full-bar and at no moment will I change it to Cash bar. I understand that some people don't even have liquor at their reception, and that's their personal choice. But if you are going to have liquor the least you can do is pay for your guests to drink it. Those are my 2cents!!! '
'Most certainly not normal or socially acceptable around here. I've never even heard of a cash bar around here.. as for me, we're paying for full premium open bar for our guests. I don't think the cash bar rules hold only for NY - but then again, there are tons of Yankee transplants (my family included) in Atlanta so maybe somewhere else it might be okay (doubt it though).'
'Personally, speaking as a consumer of alcohol, I think its tacky. I've been to weddings that didn't serve alcohol, but they didn't setup a cash bar either. Guests should not be expected to pay for anything at the reception. If the family can't afford to provide alcohol or it's not a priority, I think it should simply be left out. Asking your guests to pay is only a throw away from a casual BYOB event.'
'I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar, and I've always livedin the South. If someone can't afford to pay for alcohol - that's fine, just don't have any and have a simple afternoon tea reception or something. But certainly never ask your guests to pay for anything. That's just rude. For cost reasons, we're going to have a wine and beer bar, but it will be free-flowing all night!'
'Agree with all above. I don't think it matters where you are from or where you live now... don't ask guests to pay for anything. Just offer what you can afford.'
Cleveland, OH
'Definitely not the norm in my experience.
'd prefer to have a limited bar (i.e. beer & wine only), or even no alcohol at all, over being expected to pay for my own drinks at a wedding. '
'I agree with the other posts from NY - cash bars are tacky and rude. I don't even like when there is a cash bar at a work-related event. But for weddings - that's a big no, in my opinion'
'Not normal; very tacky. One shouldn't invite guests to a party and then expect them to pay for their own food or drinks'
'In my experience, people from NY think the rest of the states are a foreign land, so it's good that you're getting other options, lol. No, cash bars aren't acceptable anywhere as far as I know.'
'I hate cash bars and think they are very tacky. I agree with the idea of a limited bar over a cash bar--I've seen that done more. Actually, I've only been to one cash bar and that was in Kansas City. My parents went to a wedding in Wisconsin and I guess its the norm there to have cash bars b/c of strict liquor laws or something.'
'Tack-ay'
'I've been to at least 30 weddings in my lifetime - the majority in the midwest, but a few on the east coast and in the west. None have had a cash bar. There have been a few with limited bar (wine and beer). I think cash bars are in bad taste.'
'Zipping up flame-proof suit...
I used to think cash bars were tacky, but not anymore. It seems that nowadays, wedding guests seem to think they are entitled to free alcohol. Why? Who said that alcohol was a must at weddings to begin with? Some brides and grooms simply can not afford this and have to go for the cash bar. Sure, they could go with something limited like wine and beer, but then they'd catch nastiness from guests who b!tch that there wasn't hard liquor. Either way, the bride and groom end up with unhappy guests. IMHO, nobody is entitled to free booze at a wedding. If it's there, great. If not, shut up and quit moaning. Pay the cash for your drink and appreciate that this couple is just starting off and does not want to go into debt just to put free alcohol into their guests bodies. My DH and I could not afford booze at our wedding. Hell, we couldn't even afford a decent reception hall. We had to have it at the friggin' FOP hall downtown. All we had was beer and believe me, we heard a lot of people whining about it. While we would have loved a beautiful reception hall and to be able to give liquor to our guests, it was just not feasible. I think sometimes people are so caught up in tackiness, manners, and etiquette, that they seem to forget to take a step back and look at the finances of who is paying for the wedding--be it the bride/groom and/or the parents. Sometimes a cash bar is the best option for people.
Stepping off soapbox now.'
(I was happy to get a dissenting opinion...FINALLY...since I didn't want people to think I just posted only the ones against cash bars.)
